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Latest activity in Michigan Chat:,,,,,,, © 2017 DateHookup.com||||||. • • • Dating is a stage of romantic relationships in humans whereby two people meet socially, possibly as or with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as a prospective partner in a more committed. It can be a form of that consists of done by the couple. The protocols and practices of dating, and the terms used to describe it, vary considerably from country to country and over time. While the term has several meanings, the most frequent usage refers to two people exploring whether they are romantically or sexually compatible by participating in dates with the other. With the use of modern technology, people can date via telephone or computer or meet in person. This term may also refer to two or more people who have already decided they share romantic or sexual feelings toward each other. These people will have dates on a regular basis, and they may or may not be having. This period of courtship is sometimes seen as a precursor to. Some cultures require people to wait until a certain age to begin dating, which has been a source of controversy. Of, featuring two lovers (1629–1630) Dating as an institution is a relatively recent phenomenon which has mainly emerged in the last few centuries. From the standpoint of and, dating is linked with other institutions such as marriage and the which have also been changing rapidly and which have been subject to many forces, including advances in technology and medicine. As humans societies have evolved from into, there have been substantial changes in relations between men and women, with perhaps one of a few remaining constants being that both adult and must have for human procreation to happen. Humans have been compared to other species in terms of sexual behavior. Constructed a reproductive spectrum with opposite poles being, in which males compete fiercely for reproductive privileges with females, and arrangements, in which a male and female will bond for life. According to Sapolsky, humans are somewhat in the middle of this spectrum, in the sense that humans form pair bonds, but there is the possibility of cheating or changing partners. These species-particular behavior patterns provide a context for aspects of, including dating. However, one particularity of the human species is that pair bonds are often formed without necessarily having the intention of reproduction. In modern times, emphasis on the institution of marriage, generally described as a male-female bond, has obscured pair bonds formed by same-sex and transsexual couples, and that many heterosexual couples also bond for life without offspring, or that often pairs that do have offspring separate. Thus, the concept of marriage is changing widely in many countries. Historically, marriages in most societies were and older relatives with the goal not being but legacy and 'economic stability and political alliances', according to. Accordingly, there was little need for a temporary trial period such as dating before a permanent community-recognized union was formed between a man and a woman. While pair-bonds of varying forms were recognized by most societies as acceptable social arrangements, marriage was reserved for heterosexual pairings and had a transactional nature, where wives were in many cases a form of property being exchanged between father and husband, and who would have to serve the function of reproduction. Communities exerted pressure on people to form pair-bonds in places such as; in, society 'demanded people get married before having a sexual relationship' and many societies found that some formally recognized bond between a man and a woman was the best way of rearing and educating as well as helping to avoid conflicts and misunderstandings regarding competition for mates. The clandestine meeting between Romeo and Juliet in. Painting by, 1884 Generally, during much of recorded history of humans in civilization, and into the in, weddings were seen as arrangements between families, while romance was something that happened outside of marriage discreetly, such as covert meetings. The 12th-century book advised that 'True love can have no place between husband and wife.' According to one view, clandestine meetings between men and women, generally outside of marriage or before marriage, were the precursors to today's dating. From about 1700 a worldwide movement perhaps described as the 'empowerment of the individual' took hold, leading towards greater emancipation of women and equality of individuals. Men and women became more equal politically, financially, and socially in many nations. Women eventually won the right to vote in many countries and own property and receive, and these changes had profound impacts on the relationships between men and women. Parental influence declined. In many societies, individuals could decide—on their own—whether they should marry, whom they should marry, and when they should marry. A few centuries ago, dating was sometimes described as a 'courtship ritual where young women entertained gentleman callers, usually in the home, under the watchful eye of a,' but increasingly, in many Western countries, it became a self-initiated activity with two young people going out as a couple in public together. Still, dating varies considerably by nation, custom, religious upbringing, technology, and social class, and important exceptions with regards to individual freedoms remain as many countries today still practice arranged marriages, request dowries, and forbid same-sex pairings. Although in many countries, movies, meals, and meeting in coffeehouses and other places is now popular, as are advice books suggesting various strategies for men and women, in other parts of the world, such as in South Asia and many parts of the Middle East, being alone in public as a couple with another person is not only frowned upon but can even lead to either person being socially ostracized. In the twentieth century, dating was sometimes seen as a precursor to marriage but it could also be considered as an end-in-itself, that is, an informal social activity akin to. It generally happened in that portion of a person's life before the age of marriage, but as marriage became less permanent with the advent of, dating could happen at other times in peoples lives as well. People became more mobile. Rapidly developing played a huge role: new such as the, and enabled dates to be arranged without face-to-face contact. Extended the range of dating as well as enabled back-seat sexual exploration. In the mid-twentieth century, the advent of as well as safer procedures for changed the equation considerably, and there was less pressure to marry as a means for satisfying sexual urges. New types of relationships formed; it was possible for people to live together without marrying and without. Information about grew, and with it an acceptance of all types of sexual orientations is becoming more common. Today, the institution of dating continues to evolve at a rapid rate with new possibilities and choices opening up particularly through. Dating as a social relationship [ ] Wide variation in behavior patterns [ ]. — Social rules regarding dating vary considerably according to variables such as country, social class, religion, age, sexual orientation and gender. Behavior patterns are generally unwritten and constantly changing. There are considerable differences between social and personal. Each culture has particular patterns which determine such choices as whether the man asks the woman out, where people might meet, whether kissing is acceptable on a first date, the substance of conversation, who should pay for meals or entertainment, or whether splitting expenses is allowed. Among the in and, women are expected to write love poetry and give gifts to win over the man. Since dating can be a stressful situation, there is the possibility of humor to try to reduce tensions. For example, director wanted to date singing star, and he joked in parties about her persona by saying that her 'endlessly cheerful governess' image from movies such as and gave her the image of possibly having 'lilacs for pubic hair'; Andrews appreciated his humor, sent him lilacs, dated him and later married him, and the couple stayed together for 41 years until his death in 2010. Different meanings of the term [ ] While the term dating has many meanings, the most common refers to a trial period in which two people explore whether to take the relationship further towards a more permanent relationship; in this sense, dating refers to the time when people are physically together in public as opposed to the earlier time period in which people are arranging the date, perhaps by corresponding by email or text or phone. Another meaning of the term dating is to describe a stage in a person's life when he or she is actively pursuing romantic relationships with different people. If two unmarried celebrities are seen in public together, they are often described as 'dating' which means they were seen in public together, and it is not clear whether they are merely friends, exploring a more intimate relationship, or are romantically involved. A related sense of the term is when two people have been out in public only a few times but have not yet committed to a relationship; in this sense, dating describes an initial trial period and can be contrasted with 'being in a committed relationship'. Evaluation [ ] One of the main purposes of dating is for two or more people to evaluate one another’s suitability as a long term companion or spouse. Often physical characteristics, personality, financial status, and other aspects of the involved persons are judged and, as a result, feelings can be hurt and confidence shaken. Because of the uncertainty of the whole situation, the desire to be acceptable to the other person, and the possibility of rejection, dating can be very stressful for all parties involved. Some studies have shown that dating tends to be extremely difficult for people with. While some of what happens on a date is guided by an understanding of basic, unspoken rules, there is considerable room to experiment, and there are numerous sources of advice available. Sources of advice include magazine articles, self-help books, dating coaches, friends, and many other sources. And the advice given can pertain to all facets of dating, including such aspects as where to go, what to say, what not to say, what to wear, how to end a date, how to flirt, and differing approaches regarding first dates versus subsequent dates. In addition, advice can apply to periods before a date, such as how to meet prospective partners, as well as after a date, such as how to break off a relationship. There are now more than 500 businesses worldwide that offer dating coach services—with almost 350 of those operating in the U.S. And the number of these businesses has surged since 2005' ' Frequency of dating varies by person and situation; among singles actively seeking partners, 36% had been on no dates in the past three months, 13% had one date, 22% had two to four dates and 25% had five or more dates, according to a 2005 U.S. The copulatory gaze, looking lengthily at a new possible partner, brings you straight into a sparring scenario; you will stare for two to three seconds when you first spy each other, then look down or away before bringing your eyes in sync again. This may be combined with displacement gestures, small repetitive fiddles that signal a desire to speed things up and make contact. When approaching a stranger you want to impress, exude confidence in your stance, even if you're on edge. Pull up to your full height in a subtle chest-thrust pose, which arches your back, puffs out your upper body and pushes out your buttocks. Roll your shoulders back and down and relax your facial expression. Ballroom dancing is one way to get to know somebody on a date. There are numerous ways to meet potential dates, including blind dates, classified ads, dating websites, hobbies, holidays, office romance, social networking, speed dating, and others. A Pew study in 2005 which examined Internet users in long-term relationships including marriage, found that many met by contacts at work or at school. The survey found that 55% of relationship-seeking agreed that it was 'difficult to meet people where they live.' Work is a common place to meet potential spouses, although there are some indications that the Internet is overtaking the workplace as an introduction venue. In Britain, one in five marry a co-worker, but half of all workplace romances end within three months. One drawback of office dating is that a bad date can lead to 'workplace awkwardness.' Gender differences [ ] There is a general perception that men and women approach dating differently, hence the reason why advice for each sex varies greatly, particularly when dispensed by popular magazines. For example, it is a common belief that heterosexual men often seek women based on and. Researchers at the suggested that men prefer women who seem to be 'malleable and awed', and prefer younger women with subordinate jobs such as secretaries and assistants and fact-checkers rather than executive-type women. Online dating patterns suggest that men are more likely to initiate online exchanges (over 75%) and extrapolate that men are less 'choosy', seek younger women, and 'cast a wide net'. In a similar vein, the stereotype for heterosexual women is that they seek well-educated men who are their age or older with high-paying jobs. Evolutionary psychology suggests that 'women are the choosier of the genders' since 'reproduction is a much larger investment for women' who have 'more to lose by making bad choices.' All of these are examples of gender stereotypes which plague dating discourse and shape individuals' and societies' expectations of how heterosexual relationships should be navigated. In addition to the detrimental effects of upholding limited views of relationships and sexual and romantic desires, stereotypes also lead to framing social problems in a problematic way. For example, some have noted that educated women in many countries including and, and the find it difficult to have a as well as raise a family, prompting a number of writers to suggest how women should approach dating and how to time their careers and personal life. The advice comes with the assumption that the work-life balance is inherently a 'woman's problem.' In many societies, there is a view that women should fulfill the role of primary caregivers, with little to no spousal support and with few services by employers or government such as parental leave or child care. Accordingly, an issue regarding dating is the subject of career timing which generates controversy. Some views reflect a traditional notion of gender roles. Anthropologist Helen Fisher in 2008 What happens in the dating world can reflect larger currents within popular culture. For example, when the 1995 book appeared, it touched off media controversy about how men and women should relate to each other, with different positions taken by columnist and British writer Kira Cochrane of. It has even caused such as to suggest that dating is a game designed to 'impress and capture' which is not about 'honesty' but 'novelty', 'excitement' and even 'danger', which can boost levels in the brain. The subject of dating has spun off popular culture terms such as the which refers to a situation in which a dating relation evolves into a platonic non-sexual union. Stranger danger [ ] Since people dating often do not know each other well, there is the risk of, including. According to one report, there was a 10% chance of violence between students happening between a and, sometimes described as 'intimate partner violence', over a 12–month period. Another estimate was that 20% of U.S. High school girls aged 14–18 were 'hit, slapped, shoved or forced into sexual activity'. There is evidence that violence while dating isn't limited to any one culture or group or religion, but that it remains an issue in different countries. It is usually the female who is the victim, but there have been cases where males have been hurt as well. Sara McCorquodale suggests that women meeting strangers on dates meet initially in busy public places, share details of upcoming dates with friends or family so they know where they'll be and who they'll be with, avoid revealing one's surname or address, and conducting searches on them on the Internet prior to the date. One advisor suggested: Don't leave drinks unattended; have an exit plan if things go badly; and ask a friend to call you on your cell phone an hour into the date to ask how it's going. In some regions of the world, such as, is fairly common, enough to provoke leader to urge young men to use persuasion instead. Kadyrov advised: If you explain beautifully, a woman does not look to see whether you are handsome or not -- but listens more, so you can win her heart. That is why I advise our boys to read stories and watch movies more and to learn more beautiful phrases to tell girls. Map showing the most popular social media applications, by country; Facebook is dominant in 2016. The Internet is shaping the way new generations date.,,, and other applications have made remote connections possible. Particularly for the LGBTQ+ community, where the dating pool can be more difficult to navigate due to discrimination and having a 'minority' status in society. Online dating tools are an alternate way to meet potential dates. Many people use apps such as Tinder, Grindr, or Bumble which allow a user to accept or reject another user with a single swipe of a finger. Some critics have suggested that matchmaking algorithms are imperfect and are 'no better than chance' for the task of identifying acceptable partners. Others have suggested that the speed and availability of emerging technologies may be undermining the possibility for couples to have long-term meaningful relationships when finding a replacement partner has potentially become too easy. Dating worldwide [ ]. A Japanese couple on the beach Dating customs and habits vary considerably throughout the world. The average duration of courtship before proceeding to or varies considerably throughout the world. Africa [ ] Ethiopia [ ] One writer described a couple, when dating, as happy, at parties and movies and recreation centers and swimming pools, while they appeared to be less so after being married; still the writer thought marriage was the 'lesser of two evils' when compared with the single life. Marriages link families in Ethiopia since the dowry paid by the family of the bride is often significant financially. According to one source, there are four ways that marriage can happen in Ethiopia: (1) arranged marriage, when well-respected elders are sent to the girl's family on behalf of the boy's family; (2) courtship or dating after a friendly meeting between boy and girl such as at a market place or holiday where there's dancing; (3) abduction, such as during a blood feud between families; (4) inheritance. Finding a wife is not easy for a boy. He has to build his own house, store lots of tobacco and dry coffee leaves for the girl's parents and have many cows and goats. If the girl is from a wealthy family the dowry given to her parents is worth about 200 to 500 cows, about 1,000 sheep or goats, five camels and three rifles. See also: Patterns of dating are changing in China, with increased modernization bumping into traditional ways. One report in China Daily suggests that dating for Chinese university women is 'difficult' and 'takes work' and steals time away from academic advancement, and places women in a precarious position of having to balance personal success against traditional Chinese relationships. Women have high standards for men they seek, but also worry that their academic credentials may 'scare away more traditional Chinese men.' It is difficult finding places to have privacy, since many dormitory rooms have eight or more pupils in one suite. And dating in restaurants can be expensive. One commentator noted: 'American couples drink and dance together. But in China, we study together.' Professional single women can choose to wait: Like other women in my social circle, I have certain demands for a potential mate. He doesn't have to make much more than I do, but he must be doing at least as well as I am, and has to be compatible with me, both morally and spiritually. He should also own an apartment instead of us buying one together. Remember what [ sic] said? Every woman should have. Actress starred in the 2008 movie The game show, titled after Chinese personal ads, featured provocative contestants making sexual allusions and the show reportedly ran afoul of authorities and had to change its approach. The two-host format involves a panel of 24 single women questioning a man to decide if he'll remain on the show; if he survives, he can choose a girl to date; the show gained notoriety for controversial remarks and opinions such as model Ma Nuo saying she'd prefer to 'weep in a than laugh on a bike', who was later banned from making appearances. A new format of Internet 'QQ' chat rooms is gaining ground against so-called 'traditional dating agencies' in Changsha (Hunan Province); the QQ rooms have 20,000 members, and service is much less expensive than dating agencies which can charge 100 to 200 yuan ($13 to $26 USD) per introduction. Internet dating, with computer-assisted matchmaking, is becoming more prevalent; one site supposedly has 23 million registered users. Has come to Shanghai and other cities. Worldwide online matchmakers have explored entering the Chinese market via partnerships or acquisitions. There are conflicting reports about dating in China's capital city. One account suggests that the dating scene in is 'sad' with particular difficulties for expatriate Chinese women hoping to find romance. One explanation was that there are more native Chinese women, who seem to be preferred by Chinese men, and that expat women are seen as 'foreigners' by comparison. According to the 2006 report, expat Chinese men have better luck in the Beijing dating scene. A different report, however, suggested that Chinese men preferred Western women, whom they consider to be more independent, less girlish, and more straightforward than Chinese women. Another account suggested that western women in Beijing seem invisible and have trouble attracting Chinese men. Each year, November 11 has become an unofficial holiday known as China's Singles' Day when singles are encouraged to make an extra effort to find a partner. Worried parents of unmarried children often arrange dates for their offspring on this day as well as others. Before the day approaches, thousands of college students and young workers post messages describing their plans for this day. In Arabic numerals, the day looks like '1111', that is, 'like four single people standing together', and there was speculation that it originated in the late 1990s when college students celebrated being single with 'a little self-mockery' but a differing explanation dates it back to events in the. For many, Singles' Day offers people a way to 'demonstrate their stance on and. There is concern that young people's views of marriage have changed because of economic opportunities, with many choosing deliberately not to get married, as well as young marrieds who have decided not to have children, or to postpone having them. Cohabiting relationships are tolerated more often. Communities where people live but don't know each other well are becoming more common in China like elsewhere, leading to fewer opportunities to meet somebody locally without assistance. Rates are rising in cities such as, which recorded 27,376 divorces in 2004, an increase of 30% from 2003. A government-sponsored agency called Shanghai Women's Activities Centre (Chinese: Jinguoyuan) organized periodic matchmaking events often attended by parents. Chinese-style flirtatiousness is termed sajiao, best described as 'to unleash coquettishness' with feminine voice, tender gestures, and girlish protestations. Chinese women expect to be taken care of ( zhaogu) by men like a baby girl is doted on by an attentive and admiring father. They wish to be almost 'spoiled' ( guan) by a man buying gifts, entertainment, and other indulgences. It's a positive sign of heartache ( xinteng) when a man feels compelled to do 'small caring things' for a woman without being asked such as pouring a glass of water or offering a 'piggyback ride if she's tired.' These are signs of love and accepted romantic notions in China, according to one source. Is more difficult during times of financial stress, and economic forces can encourage singles, particularly women, to select a partner primarily on financial considerations. Some men postpone marriage until their financial position is more secure and use wealth to help attract women. One trend is towards exclusive matchmaking events for the 'rich and powerful'; for example, an annual June event in with expensive entry-ticket prices for men (99,999 RMB) lets financially secure men choose so-called bikini brides based on their and, and the financial exclusivity of the event was criticized by the official news outlet. A brave lover in Beijing must be prepared to accept a paradigm shift to enjoy the cross-cultural dating experience. — There was a report that sexual relations among middle schoolers in sometimes resulted in abortions. There have been reports of scams involving get-rich-quick schemes; a forty-year-old migrant worker was one of a thousand seduced by an advertisement which read 'Rich woman willing to pay 3 million yuan for sperm donor' but the worker was cheated out of his savings of 190,000 yuan (27,500 USD). India [ ] Indian dating is heavily influenced by the custom of arranged marriages which require little dating, although there are strong indications that the institution is undergoing change, and that love marriages are becoming more accepted as India becomes more intertwined with the rest of the world. In the cities at least, it is becoming more accepted for two people to meet and try to find if there is compatibility. An Indian wedding The majority of Indian marriages are arranged by parents and relatives, and one estimate is that 7 of every 10 marriages are arranged. Sometimes the bride and groom don't meet until the wedding, and there is no courtship or wooing before the joining. In the past, it meant that couples were chosen from the same and and economic status. There is widespread support for arranged marriages generally. Writer Lavina Melwani described a happy marriage which had been arranged by the bride's father, and noted that during the engagement, the woman was allowed to go out with him before they were married on only one occasion; the couple married and found happiness. Supporters of arranged marriage suggest that there is a risk of having the marriage fall apart whether it was arranged by relatives or by the couple themselves, and that what's important is not how the marriage came to be but what the couple does after being married. Parents and relatives exert considerable influence, sometimes posting in newspapers and online. Customs encourage families to put people together, and discourage sexual experimentation as well as so-called serial courtship in which a prospective bride or groom dates but continually rejects possible partners, since the interests of the family are seen as more important than the romantic needs of the people marrying. Indian writers, such as Mistry in his book Family Matters, sometimes depict arranged marriages as unhappy. Writer Sarita Sarvate of India Currents thinks people calculate their 'value' on the 'Indian marriage market' according to measures such as family status, and that arranged marriages typically united spouses who often didn't love each other. She suggested love was out of place in this world because it risked passion and 'sordid' sexual liaisons. Love, as she sees it, is 'Waking up in the morning and thinking about someone.' Writer Jennifer Marshall described the wife in an arranged marriage as living in a world of solitude without much happiness, and feeling pressured by relatives to conceive a son so she wouldn't be considered as 'barren' by her husband's family; in this sense, the arranged marriage didn't bring 'love, happiness, and companionship.' Writer Vijaysree Venkatraman believes arranged marriages are unlikely to disappear soon, commenting in his book review of Shoba Narayan's Monsoon Diary, which has a detailed description of the steps involved in a present-day arranged marriage. There are indications that even the institution of arranged marriages is changing, with marriages increasingly being arranged by 'unknown, unfamiliar sources' and less based on local families who know each other. Writer Lavina Melwani in Little India compared Indian marriages to business deals: Until recently, Indian marriages had all the trappings of a business transaction involving two deal-making families, a hardboiled matchmaker and a vocal board of shareholders – concerned uncles and aunts. The couple was almost incidental to the deal. They just dressed and showed up for the wedding ceremony. And after that the onus was on them to adjust to the 1,001 relatives, get to know each other and make the marriage work. — Lavina Melwani, Relationships in which dating is undertaken by two people, who choose their dates without parental involvement and sometimes carry on clandestine get-togethers, has become increasingly common. When this leads to a wedding, the resulting unions are sometimes called love marriages. There are increasing incidences when couples initiate contact on their own, particularly if they live in a foreign country; in one case, a couple met surreptitiously over a game of cards. Indians who move abroad to Britain or America often follow the cultural patterns of their new country: for example, one Indian woman met a white American man while skiing, and married him, and the formerly 'all-important relatives' were reduced to bystanders trying to influence things ineffectively. Factors operating worldwide, such as increased affluence, the need for longer education, and greater mobility have lessened the appeal for arranged marriages, and these trends have affected criteria about which possible partners are acceptable, making it more likely that pairings will cross previously impenetrable barriers such as caste or ethnic background. Sometimes participate in Singles Meets organized by websites which happen about once a month, with 100 participants at each event; an organizer did not have firm statistics about the success rate leading to a long-term relationship but estimated about one in every ten members finds a partner through the site. Dating websites are gaining ground in India. Writer Rupa Dev preferred websites which emphasized authenticity and screened people before entering their names into their databases, making it a safer environment overall, so that site users can have greater trust that it is safe to date others on the site. Dev suggested that dating websites were much better than the anonymous chatrooms of the 1990s. During the interval before marriage, whether it is an arranged or a love marriage, have been hired to check up on a prospective bride or groom, or to verify claims about a potential spouse made in newspaper advertising, and there are reports that such is increasing. Detectives investigate former amorous relationships and can include fellow college students, former police officers skilled in investigations, and medical workers 'with access to health records.' Transsexuals and eunuchs have begun using Internet dating in some states in India. The practice of dating runs against some religious traditions, and the radical Hindu group threatened to 'force unwed couples' to marry, if they were discovered dating on; a fundamentalist leader said 'drinking and dancing in bars and celebrating this day has nothing to do with Hindu traditions.' The threat sparked a protest via the Internet which resulted in cartloads of pink panties being sent to the fundamentalist leader's office. As part of the (Pink Underwear/Panties Campaign). Another group,, threatened to do the same, for which it was severely mocked online and on the day after, had protesters outside its Delhi headquarters, with people (mockingly) complaining that it did not fulfill its 'promise', with some having come with materials for the wedding rituals. Japan [ ] There is a type of courtship called Omiai in which parents hire a matchmaker to give resumes and pictures to potential mates for their approval, leading to a formal meeting with parents and matchmaker attending. If the couple has a few dates, they're often pressured by the matchmaker and parents to decide whether or not to marry. Korea [ ] The reasons for dating in Korea are various. Research conducted by Saegye Daily showed that teenagers choose to date for reasons such as 'to become more mature,' 'to gain consultation on worries, or troubles,' or 'to learn the difference between boys and girls,' etc. Similarly, a news report in MK Daily showed that the primary reasons for dating for workers of age 20 ~ 30 are 'emotional stability,' 'marriage,' 'someone to spend time with,' etc. An interesting feature in the reasons for dating in Korea is that many Koreans are somewhat motivated to find a date due to the societal pressure that often views single persons as incompetent. Present Korean dating shows a changing attitude due to the influence of tradition and modernization. There are a lot of Confucian ideas and practices that still saturate South Korean culture and daily life as traditional values. Patriarchy in Korea has been grounded on Confucian culture that postulated hierarchical social orders according to age and sex. Patriarchy and Women Patriarchy is 'a system of social structure and practices in which men dominate, oppress and exploit women” which is well reflected in the ways of dating in Korea. Adding to it, there is an old saying that says a boy and a girl should not sit together after they have reached the age of seven. It is one of the old teachings of Confucianism and reveals its inclination toward conservatism. Most Koreans tend to regard dating as a precursor to marriage. According to a survey conducted by Gyeonggi-do Family Women’s Researcher on people of age 26-44, 85.7% of respondents replied as ‘willing to get married’. There is no dating agency but the market for marriage agencies are growing continuously. DUO and Gayeon are one of the major marriage agencies in Korea. Also, 'Mat-sun', the blind date which is usually based on the premise of marriage, is held often among ages of late 20s to 30s. But the late trend is leaning towards the separation between dating and marriage unlike the conservative ways of the past. In the survey conducted by a marriage agency, of 300 single males and females who were asked of their opinions on marrying their lovers, about only 42% of the males and 39% of the females said yes. There are also cases of dating without the premise of marriage. However, the majority still takes getting into a relationship seriously. Dating in Korea is also considered a necessary activity supported by society. Korean adults are constantly questioned whether or not they are dating by the people around them. During family gatherings on holidays one of the questions that people hate getting asked the most is related to marriage. According to a survey it was the highest ranked by 47.3 percent. College students in their sophomore to junior year who have not been in a relationship feel anxious that they are falling behind amongst their peers. Most of them try 'sogaeting', going out on a blind date, for the first time to get into a relationship. Dating is a duty that most people feel they must take on to not seem incompetent. In recent trends, even dramas such as “”Shining Romance” (“빛나는 로맨스”), and “Jang Bo-ri is Here!” (“왔다 장보리”), and in a variety show called, “Dad! Where Are We Going?” (“아빠 어디가?”) there are elementary children confessing their love. Dating has also been depicted to be an activity of fun and happiness. There are Korean TV programs that film celebrities together as married couples supporting this depiction of dating such as “We Got Married” (“우리 결혼했어요”), “With You” (“님과 함께”) and “The Man Who Gets Married Daily” (“매일 결혼 하는 남자.”) According to a survey by wedding consulting agency, men consider a physical relation as a catalyst of love, otherwise, women regard it as a confirmation of affection. Adding to it, both 79.2% of men and 71.0% of women stated that how deep their physical relation in dating is concerned in the decision of whether to marry. Pakistan [ ] Marriages and courtship in are influenced by traditional cultural practices similar to those elsewhere in the as well as norms and manners. Illegitimate relationships before marriage are considered a social taboo and social interaction between unmarried men and women is encouraged at a modest and healthy level. Couples are usually wedded through either an. Love marriages are those in which the individuals have chosen a partner whom they like by their own choice prior to marriage, and usually occur with the consent of parents and family. Arranged marriages on the other hand are marriages which are set and agreed by the families or guardians of the two individuals where the couple may not have met before. In either cases and in consistency with traditional marital practices, individuals who marry are persuaded to meet and talk to each other for some time before considering marrying so that they can check their compatibility. Singapore [ ] 's largest dating service, SDU,, is a government-run dating system. The original SDU, which controversially promoted marriages among university graduate singles, no longer exists today. On 28 January 2009, it was merged with SDS [Social Development Services], which just as controversially promoted marriages among non-graduate singles. The merged unit, SDN seeks to promote meaningful relationships, with marriage touted as a top life goal, among all resident [Singapore] singles within a conducive network environment of singles, relevant commercial and public entities. Ball of City of (1900) While analysts such as and others suggest that it is easier for persons to initiate contact in America, many Germans view the American dating habits as 'unspontaneous', 'ridiculous' and 'rigid'. [ ] Until the 1960s, countries such as, and had a more formal approach for first contacts that was eased during seasonal festivals like and festivals and like the, which allowed for more casual flirts. Membership in is relatively high in German-speaking countries and these provided further chances for possible partners to meet. Strolling on and Promenade walkways such as the one in Hamburg called the (maidens way), have been another venue for introductions as early as the 19th century. Analyst described dating as an American focusing on youth of college age and expressed in activities such as American. In contrast German speaking countries and the longstanding musical tradition there provided ample opportunity of persons of varying ages enjoying social dances, such as the and other occasions. Romantic encounters were often described with terms like. The term of Stelldichein (as translated by ) is used to signify dating when the age of consent to marriage was relatively high. German traditions to signify lovers who met in hiding were described with terms like Fensterln (windowing) or Kiltgang (dawn stroll) used in and. Analyst Sebastian Heinzel sees a major cultural divide between American dating habits and European informality, and leads to instances in which European expatriates in cities such as keep to themselves. Today, most German couples in long-term relationships get to know each other through mutual friends, at work or while going out at night; the first few months of dating often involve sexual intercourse, but are still rather casual and do not imply a serious wish to get married. Italy [ ] Italians maintain a conservative approach to dating. Also, inviting friends or relatives during a date is not uncommon. More modern approaches such as blind dates, speed dating and dating websites are not as popular as abroad, and are not considered very effective by the majority of the population. However, social network members outnumber the European average, and they may use Facebook for dating purposes too. Spain [ ] One report suggested Spanish women were the 'greatest flirts', based on an unofficial study by a dating website which ranked countries based on initiations of contact. North Africa [ ] In like in many parts of the Middle East, sex without marriage is considered unacceptable. Dating in is predominantly done under family supervision, usually in a public place. [ ] Middle East [ ] Iran [ ] People of different sexes are not allowed to 'mix freely' in public. Since 1979, the state has become a religious autocracy, and imposes Islamic edicts on matters such as dating. Clerics run officially sanctioned internet dating agencies with strict rules. Prospective couples can have three meetings: two with strict supervision inside the center, and the third being a 'brief encounter on their own'; afterwards, they can either (1) choose to marry or (2) agree to never see each other again. This has become the subject of a film by Iranian filmmaker Leila Lak. Iran has a large population of young people with sixty percent of the 70-million population being under the age of thirty. However, economic hardship discourages marriage, and divorce rates have increased in to around a quarter of marriages, even though divorce is taboo. While the Iranian government 'condemns dating and relationships', it promotes marriage with (1) online courses (2) 'courtship classes' where students can 'earn a diploma' after sitting through weekly tests and 'hundreds of hours of education' (3) 'marriage diplomas' (4) matchmaking and arranged marriages. Authorities push a conservative approach and shun unmarried romantic relationships and encourage 'traditional match-making'. But young people have disobeyed the restrictions; one said 'It is wiser to have different relationships' and believed in defying religious rules which suggest 'short-term illegitimate relationships harm dignity.' Adultery can be punished by death. While youths can flout selected restrictions, there are almost no instances in which unmarried people move in together. There have been efforts to promote (temporary marriage). Israel [ ] In Israel, in the secular community, dating is very common amongst both heterosexual and homosexual couples. However, because of the religious community, there are some religious exceptions to the dating process. In the Haredi and Chasidic communities (Ultra-Orthodox Judaism) most couples are paired through a matchmaker. In this arranged marriage system, young adults meet a couple times under the supervision of their parents, and after they meet, the two are asked whether they will agree to be married. Furthermore,, because the state religion is essentially Orthodox-Judaism, Conservative and Reform (Liberal denominations of Judaism) Jews cannot get married through a Conservative or Reform Rabbi without the approval of the State's Orthodox Head Rabbi. There are similar problems in Israel for people of different denominations of other religions as well. Essentially, if you live in Israel, and the head of your religion doesn't want you to get married, you can't get religiously married. Because people of two different religions or people of the same sex cannot get married in Israel, people in these situations oftentimes have to go overseas to get married since Israel does recognize overseas marriages. Lebanon [ ] One report suggests the Lebanese dating game is hampered by 'the weight of family demands upon individual choice' and that there were difficulties, particularly for people seeking to marry across religious lines, such as a Christian seeking to marry a Muslim. Saudi Arabia [ ] The Saudi Gazette quoted a article on, suggesting it was an issue for Saudis, including abusive behavior while dating by one or both partners. North America [ ]. An American Family In many cultures around the world, dating is a serious family matter, which is based on its culture and social values. Parents in said cultures believe in arranged marriage, or at least make sure that their children get married at a certain age. However, in the United States, independency plays an important role in how singles value and date others. In America, dating is mostly a personal decision rather than based off the influence of parents. However, parents still usually expect their children to get married, but is still their son or daughter’s choice between whom they want to date or marry. Middle class tend to prioritize other things that are more important to them, such as get a college degree, a job, and then date their future spouse to settle down. Before the internet era, some Americans would meet their prospective husband or wife in college, through friends, at work, etc. But now is very popular that singles are trying to meet people on websites and from cell phone applications. Dating people online can create other social issues. For example, some individuals might get in the illusion that there are so many singles looking for your mate, therefore some can get into a bad habit of constantly meet new people, but do not want to get in a meaningful relationship and they may spend years dating looking for a perfect mate when in reality that does not exist. Online dating might add up the number of single people who are looking for a mate or a relationship that can lead them to a courtship since having so many choices can be difficult to make up your mind. Meeting people from social sites might isolate us even more due to lack of communication face to face with friends and interact with new people on public places. Canada and United States [ ]. Ernie Kovacs and Edie Adams from his television show, Take a Good Look. One report suggested the as well as other western-oriented countries were different from the rest of the world because 'love is the reason for mating,' as opposed to marriages being arranged to cement economic and class ties between families and promote political stability. Dating, by mutual consent of two single people, is the norm. British writer Kira Cochrane, after moving to the U.S., found herself grappling with the American approach to dating. She wondered why it was acceptable to juggle '10 potential partners' while weighing different attributes; she found American-style dating to be 'exhausting and strange.' She found dating in America to be 'organized in a fairly formal fashion' with men approaching women and asking point blank for a date; she found this to be 'awkward.' She described the 'third date rule' which was that women weren't supposed to have sex until the third date even if they desired it, although men were supposed to try for sex. She wrote: 'Dating rules almost always cast the man as aggressor, and the woman as prey, which frankly makes me feel nauseous.' Writer, however, chronicling female angst, criticized a tendency not to take dating seriously and suggested that postponing into one's thirties was problematic: By waiting and waiting and waiting to commit to someone, our capacity for love shrinks and withers. This doesn't mean that women or men should marry the first reasonable person to come along, or someone with whom they are not in love. But we should, at a much earlier age than we do now, take a serious attitude toward dating and begin preparing ourselves to settle down. For it's in the act of taking up the roles we've been taught to avoid or postpone––wife, husband, mother, father––that we build our identities, expand our lives, and achieve the fullness of character we desire. — Danielle Crittenden, 1999, Journalist in 2016 wrote that while 'social mores had changed to accept a wider range of sexual practices', there was still much 'loneliness and anxiety'. She traveled to and began dating a lot, using Internet dating services and apps, and sometimes going to singles' bars alone, only to find that the 'romantic-comedy concept of love' with a 'perfect, permanent, tea-for-two ending' was not going to happen to her. There is evidence that differ in the pace and timing with which they initiate in their relationships. Studies show that approximately 50% of young adult couples become sexually involved within the first month of dating, while 25% initiate sex one to three months after beginning to date and a small proportion of couples wait until before initiating sexual relations. Teenagers and college-aged students tend to avoid the more formal activity of dating, and prefer casual no-strings-attached experiments sometimes described as hookups. It permits young women to 'go out and fit into the social scene, get attention from young men, and learn about sexuality', according to one report. The term hookup can describe a wide variety of behavior ranging from kissing to non-genital touching to make-out sessions; according to one report, only about one third of people had. A contrary report, however, suggested there has been no 'sea change' in sexual behavior regarding college students from 1988 onwards, and that the term hookup itself continued to be used to describe a variety of relationships, including merely socializing or passionate kissing as well as sexual intercourse. Muslims living in the United States can choose whether to use traditional Islamic methods, or date American-style; Muslims choosing to stick to Islamic tradition can 'only marry another Muslim', according to one Malaysian account. Mosques have been known to try to bring people together––one in California has a dating service for Muslims. Oceania [ ] Australia [ ] In Australia, men typically ask out women for dates. A recent study revealed that 50% of Australians agreed it was permissible to request a date via a text message but not acceptable to break up with them this way. Flirting while texting, dubbed flirtext, was more likely to be done by girls after a relationship was started. A survey of newspaper readers suggested it was time to abandon the 'old fashioned rule' of men paying for the first date, based on women's greater earning capacity. A dating show on TV features three couples who live under one roof, but who can only have contact in a 'specially created dark room', and the show is scheduled to be hosted by model. South America [ ] Brazil [ ] In Brazil there's a longer time interval before children move out of the house, which affects dating. As a result, parents offer advice about dating although it may not be heeded. LGBT Community [ ] A report in found that men were attracted to men in their late teens and early twenties and didn't care much about the status of a prospective partner; rather, was the key. Gay men, on average, tend to have more sexual partners, while tended to form steadier one-on-one relationships, and tend to be less promiscuous than heterosexual women. In, transgender individuals and eunuchs have used to help them find partners, but there continue to be strong societal pressures which marginalize these groups. Matchmakers [ ]. The Matchmaker painting by Gerard van Honthorst (1590–1656) People can meet other people on their own or the get-together can be arranged by someone else. Matchmaking is an art based entirely on hunches, since it is impossible to predict with certainty whether two people will like each other or not. 'All you should ever try and do is make two people be in the same room at the same time,' advised matchmaker Sarah Beeny in 2009, and the only rule is to make sure the people involved want to be set up. One matchmaker advised it was good to match 'brains as well as beauty' and try to find people with similar and viewpoints and thinks that like-minded people result in more matches, although acknowledging that opposites sometimes attract. It is easier to put several people together at the same time, so there are other candidates possible if one doesn't work out. And, after introducing people, don't meddle. Friends as matchmakers [ ] Friends remain an extremely common way for people to meet However, the Internet promises to overtake friends in the future, if present trends continue. A friend can introduce two people who don't know each other, and the friend may play matchmaker and send them on a. In, British writer Hannah Pool was cynical about being set up on a blind date; she was told 'basically he's you but in a male form' by the mutual friend. She googled her blind date's name along with the words 'wife' and 'girlfriend' and 'partner' and 'boyfriend' to see whether her prospective date was in any kind of relationship or gay; he wasn't any of these things. She met him for coffee in and she now lives with him, sharing a home and business. When friends introduce two people who do not know each other, it is often called a blind date. Family as matchmakers [ ] Parents, via their contacts with associates or neighbors or friends, can introduce their children to each other. In, parents often place matrimonial ads in newspapers or online, and may post the resumes of the prospective bride or groom. Matchmaking systems and services [ ] Dating systems can be systematic and organized ways to improve by using rules or technology. The meeting can be in-person or live as well as separated by time or space such as by or or chat-based. The purpose of the meeting is for the two persons to decide whether to go on a date in the future. • consists of organized matchmaking events that have multiple single persons meet one-on-one in brief timed sessions so that singles can assess further whether to have subsequent dates. An example is meeting perhaps twenty potential partners in a bar with brief interviews between each possible couple, perhaps lasting three minutes in length, and shuffling partners. In, one event featured eight-minute one-on-one meetings in which participants were pre-screened by age and education and career, and which costs 50 yuan ($6 USD) per participant; participants are asked not to reveal contact information during the brief meeting with the other person, but rather place names in cards for organizers to arrange subsequent dates. Advantages of speed dating: efficiency; 'avoids an embarrassing disaster date'; cost-effective; way to make friends. Disadvantages: it can turn into a beauty contest with only a few good-looking participants getting most offers, while less attractive peers received few or no offers; critics suggest that the format prevents factors such as personality and from emerging, particularly in large groups with extra-brief meeting times. (Speed dating is) a fast and comfortable way to meet people. It helps enlarge my social contacts. I don't care if I can't find a girlfriend there. I just want to try my luck, and if she is there, then that will be a big bonus. — Huang Xiao, salesman, age 27, • Video dating systems of the 1980s and 1990s especially, where customers gave a performance on (typically ) video, which was viewable by other customers, usually in private, in the same facility. Some services would record and play back videos for men and women on alternate days to minimize the chance that customers would meet each other on the street. • Phone dating systems of about the same vintage, where customers call a common voice mail or phone-chat server at a common local phone number, and are connected with other (reputed) singles, and typically charged by the minute as if it were a long-distance call (often a very expensive one). A key problem of such systems was that they were hard to differentiate from a phone porn service or ' where female operators are paid to arouse male customers and have no intention of ever dating them. • Online dating systems use websites or mobile phone apps to connect possible romantic or sexual partners. One gay man found dating online difficult, and found there is an element of deception on dating website profiles just like everywhere else: Very attractive translates as big-headed. Average build means a bit paunchy. 5ft 10 is actually 5ft 7 and a half. The picture is always taken from the best, most flattering angle. Black and white photos mean I am pretentious or I've something to hide. Anyone who writes in text speak or says I heart instead of I like should be avoided. Ditto for people whose interests include feet. Software entrepreneur developed a now-defunct online dating service called 212-Romance in in the 1980s which used complex computer algorithms to guess who'd like whom. Computer dating systems of the later 20th century, especially popular in the 1960s and 1970s, before the rise of sophisticated phone and computer systems, gave customers forms that they filled out with important tolerances and preferences, which were 'matched by computer' to determine 'compatibility' of the two customers. The history of dating systems is closely tied to the history of technologies that support them, although a statistics-based dating service that used data from forms filled out by customers opened in in 1941. The first large-scale computer dating system, The Scientific Marriage Foundation, was established in 1957 by Dr.. In this system, forms that applicants filled out were processed by an. The earliest commercially successfully computerized dating service in either the US or UK was Com-Pat, started by in 1964., started by students a year later is often erroneously claimed to be the 'first computerized dating service.' In actuality, both Com-Pat and Operation Match were preceded by other computerized dating services in Europe--the founders of Operation Match and Joan Ball of Com-Pat both stated they had heard about these European computer dating services and that those served as the inspiration for their respective ideas to create computer dating businesses. The longest running and most successful early computer dating business, both in terms of numbers of users and in terms of profits, was, which was started in the UK in 1965. Patterson's business model was not fully legal, however. He was charged with fraud on several occasions for selling lists of the women who signed up for his service to men who were looking for prostitutes. Dateline existed until Patterson's death from alcoholism in 1997, and during the early 1990s it was reported to be the most profitable computer dating company in the world. In the early 1980s in, software developer developed a now–defunct dating service called 212-Romance which used computer to match singles romantically, using a voice–mail based interface backed by community-based automated recommendations enhanced by collaborative filtering technologies. Compatibility algorithms and matching software are becoming increasingly sophisticated. Are becoming increasingly prevalent worldwide. They charge a fee to enable a user to post a profile of himself or herself, perhaps using video or still images as well as descriptive data and personal preferences for dating, such as age range, hobbies, and so forth. Online dating is a $2 billion per year business, as of 2014, with an annual growth rate of 5%. The industry is dominated by a few large companies, such as, and, or IAC, which owns several brands including and. However new entrants continue to emerge. An earlier report suggested that online dating businesses were thriving financially, with growth in members, service offerings, membership fees and with many users renewing their accounts, although the overall share of Internet traffic using online dating services in the U.S. Has declined somewhat, from 2003 (21% of all Internet users) to 2006 (10%), and that dating sites must work to convince users that they're safe places having quality members. While online dating has become more accepted, it retains a slight negative stigma. There is widespread evidence that online dating has increased rapidly and is becoming 'mainstream' with new websites appearing regularly. One study suggested that 18% of single persons had used the Internet for dating purposes. Reports vary about the effectiveness of dating web sites to result in marriages or long–term relationships., based on a 2005 survey of 3,215 adults, estimated that three million Americans had entered into long-term relationships or marriage as a result of meeting on a dating web site. While sites have touted marriage rates from 10% to 25%, sociologists and marriage researchers are highly skeptical that valid statistics underlie any such claims. The Pew study (see table) suggested the Internet was becoming increasingly prominent and accepted as a way to meet people for dates, although there were cautions about deception, the risk of violence, and some concerns about stigmas. The report suggested most people had positive experiences with online dating websites and felt they were excellent ways to meet more people. The report also said that online daters tend to have more liberal social attitudes compared to the general population. In India, parents sometimes participate in websites designed to match couples. Some online dating sites can organize double dates or group dates. Research from suggests there's a dropoff in interest after online daters meet face–to–face. It's a lean medium not offering standard cues such as tone of voice, gestures, and facial expressions. There is substantial data about online dating habits; for example, researchers believe that 'the likelihood of a reply to a message sent by one online dater to another drops roughly 0.7 percent with every day that goes by'. Lindsay Shaw Taylor found that even though people said they'd be willing to date someone of a different race, that people tend to choose dates similar to themselves. Internet 'QQ' chat rooms. This type of dating approach, cheaper than traditional websites and agencies, is gaining ground in China. Online website usage survey Estimate% Internet users who've used it romantically 74% Know somebody who found long-term partner via Internet 15% Know someone who's used a dating website 31% Know someone who's gone on a date after visiting a website 26% Agree online dating can be dangerous 66% Don't think online dating is dangerous 25% Believe online dating is for those in 'dire straits' 29% Gone on a dating website 10% • There are dating applications or apps on mobile phones. •: A combination of video game playing and dating, where users create and spend time in virtual worlds in an attempt to meet other avatars with the purpose of meeting for potential dates. (which is similar to online dating although this practice is not usually accepted by other players) • /cell phone dating: Text messages to and from a mobile/cell phone carrier are used to show interest in others on the system. Can be web-based or online dating as well depending on the company. •: Where a group of are brought together to take part in various events for the purposes of meeting new people. Events can include such things as parties, workshops, and games. Many events are aimed at singles of particular affiliations, interest, or religions. A weekend flirting course in advised daters to 'love the inner you' and understand the difference between arrogance from insecurity and 'true self-confidence'; it featured exercises in which students were told to imagine that they were 'great big beautiful gods and goddesses' and treat others similarly. Media [ ] Board games [ ] is a from the, originally released in 1965 and reissued in 1970, 1999, and in 2005, whose object is to be ready for a date by acquiring three matching color-coded cards to assemble an outfit. The outfit must then match the outfit of the date at the 'mystery door'. If the player's outfit does not match the date behind the door, the door is closed and play continues. The game has been mentioned, featured, or parodied in several popular films and television shows. Television [ ] Numerous and, past and current, address dating. For example, the first aired in 1965, while more modern shows in that genre include (US Movie about Dating in New York City),,, and and its spinoff series, in which a high degree of support and aids are provided to individuals seeking dates. These are described more fully and in the related article on ' that often include or motivate romantic episodes between players. Another category of dating-oriented reality TV shows involves, such as and. Age groups [ ] Dating can happen for people in most age groups with the possible exception of children. And have been described as dating; according to the, three-quarters of eighth and ninth graders in the United States described themselves as 'dating', although it is unclear what is exactly meant by this term. Young persons are exposed to many in their or. There is anecdotal evidence that traditional dating—one-on-one public outings—has declined rapidly among the younger generation in the in favor of less intimate sexual encounters sometimes known as hookups (slang), described as brief sexual experiences with 'no strings attached', although exactly what is meant by the term hookup varies considerably. Dating is being bypassed and is seen as archaic, and relationships are sometimes seen as 'greedy' by taking time away from other activities, although exclusive relationships form later. Some college newspapers have decried the lack of dating on campuses after a 2001 study was published, and conservative groups have promoted 'traditional' dating. When young people are in school, they have a lot of access to people their own age, and don't need tools such as online websites or dating services. Chinese writer Lao Wai, writing to homeland Chinese about America, considered that the college years were the 'golden age of dating' for Americans, when Americans dated more than at any other time in their life. There are indications people in their twenties are less focused on marriage but on careers People over thirty, lacking the recency of a college experience, have better luck online finding partners. Economist in 2002 found that 55% of 35-year-old career women were childless, while 19% of male corporate executives were, and concluded that 'the rule of thumb seems to be that the more successful the woman, the less likely it is she will find a husband or bear a child.' While people tend to date others close to their own age, it's possible for older men to date younger women. In many countries, the older-man-younger-woman arrangement is seen as permissible, sometimes with benefits. It's looked on more positively in the U.S. Than in China; older men are described as more knowledgeable sexually and intellectually, supportive, skilled in the ways of women, and financially more secure so there's 'no more going Dutch.' In China, older men with younger women are more likely to be described as 'weird uncles' rather than 'silver foxes.' One Beijing professor reportedly advised his male students to delay dating: Research shows that successful men are, on average, older than their spouses by 12 years; exceptional men, by 17 years; and Nobel laureates, well, they can be 54 years older than their mates. Why date now when your ideal wives are still in kindergarten! Actress, by dating younger actor, has been described as a. A notable example of the older-woman-younger-man is pairing with 15-years-her-junior. Older women in such relations have recently been described as 'cougars', and formerly such relationships were often kept secret or discreet, but there is a report that such relationships are becoming more accepted and increasing. Since is increasing in many areas, sometimes celebrated with ', there is dating advice for the freshly divorced as well, which includes not talking about your ex or your divorce, but focusing on 'activities that bring joy to your life.' Adviser Claire Rayner in The Guardian suggests calling people from your address book with whom you haven't been in touch for years and say 'I'd love to get back in contact.' Do activities you like doing with like-minded people; if someone seems interesting to you, tell them. It's more acceptable for this group for women to ask men out. See also [ ] • • • • • • • • • Notes [ ].
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Added to WishList This hotel is on your WishList. To help you filter and group your WishList, select one or more categories for this hotel. Your choices will be saved as you go – when finished, just use 'x' to close this window. Categories: Add Please enter a custom category name or select from an existing category. Enter a valid wishlist name using punctuation, numbers and roman characters. The category name you entered,, already exists. Use this existing category, or add another category name. The maximum limit of five custom wishlist categories has been reached. Please review existing categories. At Noon today, Hector was informed that Jonathan and Jim were heading to (51 – 53 Nelson Street, Glasgow, G5 8DZ) for Lunch. Hector walked in to punctually for the 14.00 rendezvous, The Chaps were perusing the Menu, not for much longer. Ayaz (Mein Host) informed us: No Lamb, only Lamb Chops. Are we having Starters? Apparently we were – Lamb Chops (£6.00), three portions. Jonathan accepted the offer of Keema, we assumed it had to be Chicken Keema (£5.50), a Naan (£1.50) would accompany. Jim had spotted Lamb Korma Spicy (£6.50). No Lamb, Ayaz reminded him. Jim followed Hector’s lead: Lamb Chops Karahi (£8.50) with extra Methi, Chapattis (£0.70) to accompany. Can one have too many Lamb Chops? I suspect this may well be the first time I have had Tandoori Lamb Chops followed by Tandoori Lamb Chops Karahi. 292 Reviews of H2O 'h2o is one of my favourite lounge. I love this place. Specially I love pizza,sandwich and burger's.' Dhaka, Bangladesh. Oh, seven twelve may be turned into a restaurant!. November 29, 2017. H2o is one of my favourite lounge. I love this place. Specially I love shisa, pizza, and burger's. I feel a Vegetable backlash next time I go out for Curry. Ironically on the radio whilst driving to Tradeston, the preparation of Aloo Gobi was being described. I must try to cook this sometime. The Modest Salad was brought to the table with a bowl of Raita and the Hot – in temperature – Chilli Sauce. We’ll keep this for the Chops which will hopefully arrive whilst it’s still hot. Two weeks ago the Lamb Chops took an age, then was busy. Today three portions arrived in good time. Time to get gnawing. Initially, nothing was said, nothing need be said. The Chops were well fired yet retained their succulence. I took a slice of Green Chilli and immediately coughed. That was a Fierce Chilli. Moments later Jim had the same experience. Jonathan took the Chillis in his stride. Jim was finished first, I congratulate his dentist. The door kept opening, the Delivery Man. Flour, Rice, Oil, Tinned Spinach and boxes of French Fries were piled up on the floor. I was keen to note the brand of Vegetable Oil, alas this was quickly obscured. Qaiser had arrived in time to bring the Mains. Minced Chicken Curry Chicken Keema – Jonathan confirmed. They had no Lamb, though Ayaz did suggest that it would arrive in the next hour. Jim commented upon the Quantity of Foliage covering the Chicken Mince. The Lamb Chops Karahi looked fierce. Four Tandoori Chops in the Hottest of Masalas. * * Lamb Chops Karahi Hot! – exclaimed Jim. Watch the expert – suggested Jonathan – use the Chapatti as a handle. Once again I pointed out the anomaly of our mouths being able to tolerate temperatures our fingers cannot. Presumably prepared in the same manner, the Chops took on a different Flavour when soaked in the Oily Masala. Pieces of Chapatti were then used to scoop up the Masala, possibly the most Tomato-rich Masala that Chef Rashid has ever presented. Fresh Green Chillies had been added at the time of serving, some had also been cooked in. With the requested Herb content, the Spice, Seasoning and Flavour was everything I have come to expect at Jim commented upon the Ginger content, the Ginger Strips were doing their job. That looks like a Mountain – I said to Jonathan who was still eating. A lot for lunchtime – was his reply. The Naan was served halved as were the Chapattis, I have seen few Naans at this Restaurant, this looked to be nothing special. The Naan did not look outstanding – I put to Jonathan. This he confirmed, however – The Chicken Keema was. Eventually Jonathan had to admit defeat. That was a first. An inspirational choice – Jim proffered anticipating my request for a quote. Fan-Dabby – he added. This was Jim’s first visit to. The Bill £45.00 Two cans of Diet Coke (£0.80) were included. The Aftermath Jonathan spotted the brand of Vegetable Oil – White Pearl. I will have to look for this, as with KTC used at, the Oil at is a standout. There was a suggestion we visit next week. Hector is long overdue a return. Meanwhile as I write I hear that on Victoria Rd. Is in flames. Contrary to what some think, Marg is not fed Curry every night. It is eight months since Hector, the Hector interpretation of went down a treat, so much so that I hardly had any. This evening this was redressed. My own was consulted to jog the memory. Cumin Seeds were omitted and a piece of Star Anise introduced along with a tablespoon of Tamarind Sauce and two tablespoons of Yoghurt. Smoked Paprika and recently acquired Dried and Smoked Red Chillies would hopefully attain the South Indian Flavour that a Vindaloo technically should have. The Onions were cooked oh so slowly to set up the perfect Masala Mash. I eventually discovered that the hand blender is not suitable in a Wok, tall pot next time. Button Mushrooms were added near the end along with Fresh Coriander and cooked in. More Fresh Coriander was added at the table. If one has never tasted a Hector Curry then order at (Glasgow), they are remarkably similar. Sweetness was my major worry having cooked a Curry without Methi. Marg immediately declared this Pork Vindaloo to be – Bitter. Two Smoked Chillies did not create the intended result, more next time. Sainsbury’s Red Wine Vinegar did not add the Richness of Flavour as that bought at KRK (Glasgow). The Spice Level was never commented upon by Marg proving Vindaloo need not be – Silly. The Masala attained the Thickenss I seek in my own cooking and in Restaurants. The Seasoning of course was – Spot on. Having trimmed much of the – Fat – from the Pork Cutlets, Marg was not happy to find any, she did. The Potatoes were Perfect! Not a bad Curry, though it was way better last time. If you are tempted to try this, follow the. Hector is back at (51 – 53 Nelson Street, Glasgow, G5 8DZ) four days after. Robin requested a midweek Curry outing, he chose the venue. Hector would hardly criticise his choice, so it goes. Having discussed a need to get here more often, today was the Perfect Opperchancity to try something different. In Hector’s case, return to the Dish which first made me take note of this venue – Karela Handi Gosht. At 16.00 this Wednesday afternoon, Qaiser was once more front of house, Chef Rashid was in – his spot. A Chap who may have been a customer sat at an adjacent table, he turned out to be a New Chap. Robin was happy to stick to the tried and tested – Lamb Karahi (£7.90). I had Qaiser confirm that Karela was available then showed him the on Curry-Heute of this Wondrous Dish. Karela Handi Gosht (£7.50) was ordered, though I was informed that it would be served in a Karahi, the Ceramic Pots have long disappeared. Chapattis (£0.70) completed the Order. There was no Salad today. Lamb Karahi I have described this Perfect Curry oft. Read any other revue of and the chances are this Dish features. Robin appreciated the – Blend of Spices – as he ate. Spicy without being too Spicy – was his contribution to today’s Blog. Karela Handi Gosht This is a Demanding Curry. Karela, – The Bitter Gourd – is not for all. The Minimal Masala looked even Thicker and Drier than the above Dish. More Salt required – was my first note, followed by – Big Spice Hit. The Bitterness was to the fore, then I realised, with more Salt, this Curry would not work at all. I have enjoyed Stuffed Karela at courtesy of – Hari’s Wife, it was Intensely Flavoured. I have watched Yvonne struggle with this Dish at the balance of Meat to Vegetable has to be judged carefully else one ends up with too much of the latter. The customary Toppings of Chopped Green Chillies, Ginger Strips and Fresh Coriander were complemented by Whole Chillies cooked in. The Spice Level should therefore not have been a surprise. No problems here. The Tenderest of Lamb on-the-bone was a combination of Ribs and Sucky Bones. There was a proverbial mountain of Food before me. The Tomato-based Masala Mash also featured Karela Seeds which had to be fished out. As ever, the Oil collected at the base of the Karahi. A Magnificent Curry. The New Chap approached us, and spoke. He asked if we required more Chapattis. Robin was nearly finished his, another one was ordered to share. It came in good time to revitalise the end game. The Bill £17.50. Why pay more? The Aftermath A promise to myself, no Curry this weekend. This would be a two Curry Day. Yvonne had Aloo Keema Mutter waiting for us to be served at a mutually agreeable time. Having followed, what could possibly go wrong? She did add extra Green Chillies then worried that she may have overdone it. Fear not, we can handle everything, well most of us. There was a Baby version. I shall dwell no more on what was a private memorial for who was taken from us suddenly last week. Those who appreciate the significance of – The Vase – may well be spooked by the fact that it met its demise today. This explains why Lord Clive of is in residence at Hector’s House this weekend. Before embarking on an afternoon liquid refreshment there had to be Bunkers. Few venues are open Sunday Lunchtime in Glasgow. I had to find a venue which was open and en route to Shawlands which would serve something worthy. (300 Allison St, Govanhill/Crosshill, Glasgow, G42 8HQ) ticked the boxes. Walking along Alison Street I noted that e had been open since very early to serve Breakfast. Was open too. Clive may well find himself here in future visits. At one chooses from what has been prepared. Actually I have never tested them to see if they would prepare a Dish from scratch. Kofta Anda is always hoped for, there was one last remaining portion, I felt it better we have the same Curry. Mein Host talked us through the other Dishes on offer, Kidney Bean Curry? Maybe as a Side another time. Aloo Gosht was the most appealing, Chicken Biryani would provide the Accompaniment, the easiest way to get Rice. I had forewarned Clive that has even fewer frills than the Curry Cafes I visit most often. We took a table in the adjacent dining area, a family soon took up another table. At 13.00 on a Sunday, was doing good business. A Jug of Water and a Modest Salad were presented with a decent sized bowl of Raita, these remained untouched initially. Two substantial plates of Aloo Gosht were brought followed by a single plate of Chicken Biryani. There was more than enough Rice to share. A piece of Chicken each was quite sufficient given the impressive portions of Aloo Gosht. I counted ten pieces of Meat with a few pieces on-the-bone. I had one Large Potato, Clive may have had two smaller. The Curry could have been served Warmer, fortunately the Rice was Hot. A put Hector in his place after an early visit to, I dared to comment negatively on the Shorva. I have come to accept that if a Curry is cooked in this style then this is deliberate, it is – Desi Curry. When I complain about Soup (Shorva), it is when there is an excess of Blended Masala with a few bits of Meat in there somewhere. The Curry at is far from this, behold genuine Desi-style Cuisine. The Shorva soaked into the Rice making the latter even more Flavoursome. The Spice Level was no more than – Moderate – as ever the Seasoning was Perfection. The odd Clove was picked out of the Melange before I decided to make more of a Dog’s Breakfast. The Salad began to look appealing. I took half and passed the remainder to Clive who copied my actions. Now we had Meat, Potato, Rice and Salad on the plate plus the solitary piece of Chicken. The Chicken, also on-the-bone was taken care of. It did nothing for me. There’s a level of spiciness in the Rice – remarked Clive as he started. Thereafter we were too busy enjoying the Fayre. This may be as close to the Curry served in Manchester’s Northern Quarter as I have encountered in Glasgow. Simple food, served in a near instant with no ceremony. No frills but very tasty – was Clive’s summation. The Bill £13.50. This is for two. The Aftermath Mein Host asked if we had enjoyed our food. I may not be here often, but I know is always worth consideration. And so to the deeper south where Aloo Keema Mutter was served at 17.00. Lord Clive of is spending a few days in the West of Scotland, there will be a major intake of Curry in the coming days. Venues were discussed, nearly won until it was realised that Clive was there on his. (51 – 53 Nelson Street, Glasgow, G5 8DZ) it would be. Arriving at 14.00, an hour earlier than the Hector ideal, the downstairs was full of relatively Young Diners compared to the norm. Is becoming – Trendy? Sadly, I could only see the debris of Pizza and Kebap on their tables. The far-side table was chosen, the table mid-room would get the Arctic Blast every time the adjacent door opened. Do we need two doors? Ayaz was behind the counter, Qaiser was front of house, too early for deliveries. There would be a stream of Takeaway Customers throughout our visit. A fan heater on the floor was on full-blast, I deduced another source of heat but could not locate it. The room was comfortable except when the main door opened. Use the other door, please! Eventually the poor victim who had taken the remaining table secured one of the two preferred and sheltered tables. Lamb Chops (£5.90) were mooted, Clive was up for this. Comparisons with () would be inevitable, they do mean Lamb Chops. Clive was persuaded away from his favoured Dhansak, he would join Hector in the traditional Lamb Karahi (£7.90) and Chapattis (£0.70). The wait was significant, not helped by the distraction of other customers. Sitting with my back to the counter I could not see if Chef Rashid was present, or his assistant. The Asian TV Channel kept us amused, I shall be asking Marg later if we need to purchase an – Octaspring – mattress topper. If we weren’t hungry enough for Chops and Main Course when we entered, we were when Qaiser brought the goods. Four Chops in a Portion with a Salad Garnish accompanied by a bowl of Hot & Spicy Chilli Sauce. In larger, busier venues, Chops can be rushed, the interiors may still be Pink, the exteriors lacking Charcoal. These Lamb Chops were as good as any ever served, absolutely Perfect. Very tasty, very salty – was Clive’s immediate remark. The first Chop was taken without the Chilli Sauce. Intensely Flavoured, as I write so often, all down to the Seasoning. The bones were shrouded in Charcoal whilst the Meat itself remained Tender and Succulent. I encouraged Clive to take some of the Chilli Sauce: The sauce is the real deal – said Clive. The Chilli Sauce had a slight Sweetness which worked well with the Savoury Chops. Served Hot it truly complemented the Chops. It even withstood the Onion Strips being dipped. That’s as good a Chop as I’ve had – remarked Clive. Was not mentioned. One could have sat here all afternoon gorging on Lamb Chops. Some Readers think this is all Hector does anyway. Today was a treat. That was Magnificent – I said to Qaiser as I made my way to the Facilities to wash my fingers. Qaiser was taking Burger & Chips to the poor unfortunate who had previously been sat in the cold. Pizza, Kebap, Burger & Chips, do these Kids not appreciate the true purpose of? The Lamb Karahi arrived soon after Clive had wiped his face. One Chapatti each has generally proved to be sufficient such is their size and girth. Everything was hotter than everything else. Eating directly from the Karahi helps maintain the heat. It’s hot, very hot – Clive was being a Blogger’s delight. I have missed this Tomato-rich Masala Mash. The Spice was pitched well, the Seasoning felt below what Hector desires after the Chops. With the ever popular Chopped Green Chillies, Ginger Strips and Fresh Coriander Toppings, there would be a Diversity of Texture. The Ginger Strips today appeared to be huge and were particularly crunchy. The Lamb was on-the-bone as is every Lamb Dish served. A Sucky-Bone full of Marrow added another dimension to the Overall Flavour. One has to use fingers to enjoy the Lamb to the full, so Tender. First the Lamb Chops, now the Lamb Karahi. Not just a meal, but an eating experience – Clive was evidently impressed. I put it to Clive – I could eat here every day. This or work your way through the Menu? – was his response. Given that I typically find myself in the on a monthly basis, I am stuck with the Favourite Curry. More visits would permit greater exploration. The I link to does show a range of Dishes consumed here over the years. The Bill £29.00. We had eaten like Kings. The Aftermath A batch of New Creations had just been placed at the counter. A crowd of Chaps had assembled at the counter, we gave up our table. Hopefully they would order – Real Food. Only on leaving did I spot that Chef Rashid was on the premises. Robin expressed a desire to join me for Curry. It appears Hector will be back on Wednesday, time to try something different. Royal Punjab (Venloer Str. 4, 50672 ) have two branches in the area, one is towards Leverkusen, the other in the city at Friesenplatz. The U5 takes one efficiently from Rathaus to Friesenplatz at which point one has to work out from which hole in the ground one has emerged. Having spent recent years concentrating on the, it came as quite a surprise to note how many new Curry Houses have sprung up in. Research shows that Indischer Curry Hut and Masala Empire are both in Hector’s preferred – Cafe-style, however, today’s venue was chosen for a very simple reason, – Punjab – was in the title. The online Menu shows the full range of Dishes one might come to expect. With two pages allocated to Lamb Curry then Keema in a separate section, there is much to choose from. Lamm Methi (€12.90) was bypassed, an Aloo Methi (€9.50) also, Hector was having Fish. Hector was the first customer of the day arriving at 11.40. Royal Punjab opens every day at 11.30 except noon on Sundays. It is a feature of that they open at Lunchtime, and despite Google Maps suggesting they provide late night food, they do not. Royal Punjab claims to be open for the full twelve hours. I was given a choice of tables, one near the counter and facing the action sufficed. A Lunchtime Buffet was an option, available until 16.00. I asked for the Menu and retained it after I had ordered so as to complete records. Mein Host was reluctant to speak in English, still I suspect his English was better than my Deutsch. Fisch Kolkata (€13.50) – Fisch mit Auberginen, Kartoffeln in einer Masalasauce – had the much sought after – Interesting Vegetables. I verified that Paprika was not an ingredient then went into full Hector mode: Ich mochte ein Trockene und Dicke Curry mit Minimal Sos. This appeared to be an acceptable request. Mittelscharf und Hohe – was the final qualification. As is the European norm, this came with either Rice or Bread, I chose Basmati. At my leisure I noted the three Levels of Spice available for every Main Course: Leicht Scharf – Gut Scharf – Sehr Scharf. One can only establish how the Spice Scale in any German-Indian Restaurant operates by empirical means. Very few venues will serve a Truly Spicy Curry. A 0.2l glass of Sparkling Water (€1.70) was poured from a Large Bottle, sneaky. This was comparable to the price of the Bottled Bier on sale unlike yesterday at where the Bier was actually cheaper. I had time to take in my surroundings, a sizeable venue with flexible seating, the surroundings were not OTT in terms of – This is an Indian Restaurant. The array of ornaments on the shelf beside me did amuse. Does seeing these make the Curry taste more authentic? Fish cooks quickly, the wait was little more than ten minutes. I began my photographic ritual. The Rice was more than I could eat, the wastage would not be as much as in many Euro-venues. The consistency of the Masala had me won in an instant, this looked – Gloopy. Fisch Shorba had been avoided. Topped with Ginger Strips and some Fresh Coriander, how often have I written this? A Curry without this Garnish has become the exception. Let’s have even more Coriander. The Solids were decanted, I could not tell how much Fish there was due to it being indistinguishable from the Potato. There was certainly enough here to justify the price. The Masala was Thick, Onion Seeds were mixed through. My guess was – Onion Seeds – based on the descriptions of other Dishes in the Menu. The Kick was there – Spice! The Seasoning was Perfection. This was going to be good. The Fish was in Large Pieces, there was a Firmness which I liked, not the Soft Flakes which I had for example recently at (Bradford). The similarly sized Potato was equal to it. I am used to Potato in Curry, Eggplant is something else. This was cooked to a Mush as is the nature of the Vegetable. I did note that it was full of Flavour having absorbed from the Masala in the way that say – Chicken – does not. Oil collected on the base of the Karahi beside the remnants. These were soon relocated. Mein Host sat at his table facing me. I gave the thumbs up: This is a very good Curry – I said in English. He asked where I was from. Everyone is happy to encounter a Scot. At 12.10 two more Diners entered, followed quickly by another four and then some more again. They were all here for the Buffet. I have seen food piled high on plates, there was no holding these people back, they knew exactly what they were doing. At €8.50 for a Large Plate they were most certainly being fed at an excellent price. I was determined to study the Buffet on my departure. The Bill € 15.20 (£13.52) An Honourable Price which matches my favourite venues back home. The Aftermath The Calling Card was given and the Website shown. This earned an – Also! I said I would be back in four weeks. When I saw the Buffet it was the Keema which stood out, the rest was as one might expect, Soupy Curry. One could do damage to their Buffet Keema, then I thought, next time: Keema Aloo Mutter Methi, Gut Scharf This is surely within their capabilities? But then I won’t get another Splendid Fish Curry. There are some dates in the calendar which will never be forgotten, this has become one. * * * * * The day started well, a long lie at Ancoats Travelodge, a noon checkout and the short walk through Manchester’s Northern Quarter to (22 Back Turner St., Northern Quarter, Manchester M4 1LQ England). Rizwan, Mein Host, was happy to see us, he insisted I take a photo of his new staff member. What she was employed to do was unclear at first as Rizwan is so hands on. Maybe this is not a good week for such an expression given what is going on in UK politics and Hollywood? When the phone started to ring for Takeaway Orders, her role became evident. Is very busy at Lunchtime. Steve and Hector took a table at the rear of the room so that our luggage would be out of the way, by 12.10 a queue was forming at the counter, a good move to grab a table. We spotted two Chaps getting stuck in to Lamb Chops, a Portion of four. Not a bad start to the their day either. We were both tempted, but on seeing today’s Board it would be Keema Spinach for Hector, Lamb Karahi for Steve. To order a single Curry is not necessarily the norm in the Northern Quarter Curry Cafes: Rice and Three (£6.30) has become a Local’s Favourite here, also at nearby, and. A Mountain of Basmati was already on what would become my plate when Rizwan announced: You must have the Lamb Biryani (£6.30) – so we did. This was Lamb on-the-bone in Pilao Rice. Rizwan poured some of the Shorva-like Masala from the Lamb Karahi over the Rice, this soaked in immediately. We were left to cover this Melange with Fresh Coriander and Chopped Green Chillies. The photos may suggest a Dog’s Breakfast, the resulting creation was Magnificent. The Bill £7.00. Hector had a can of Lilt, the first in years. Steve was well ahead of me by the time I completed the ritual photos and note-taking. There was enough Tender Lamb even a Sucky Bone appeared. Before mixing in the Chillies the Kick was evident, the Seasoning was as it should be. The Flavour in Masala is so distinctive, you know what you are going to get. Steve asked for a reminder as to when the Manchester Beer Festival is, he may come down – just for the Curry. The Rice portion was huge but manageable, eventually. A piece of Aniseed was picked out whilst the Black Peppercorns were bitten open, so much Flavour from what remains essentially very Simple Fayre. Steve was finished long before me, noon is still early for Hector to attempt digesting food. I let him record his own comments on the Trusty LG: Nicely spiced. Liked the option to add extra chillies and Coriander, Lamb Tender. We watched the place fill to near capacity, how six Chaps squeezed on to one table mystified, the side tables permit more space. Rizwan may have increased the seating capacity, but what about comfort? Expanding upstairs or through the wall to adjacent premises may be something for the future. We spotted one of the Chefs last night leaving as we walked through the Northern Quarter, is open until 17.30. For those of us requiring Curry later, fills this slot. The Faithermath As I got the bits together to change trains at Preston an hour or so later, a flood of emails hit my inbox, I could only see one word in the banner headlines: Robin! The Faither – of – The Company. There are no words to describe our loss. Singles in Cookeville, TN are connecting on eHarmony. Dating in Cookeville is not exactly a walk in the park. 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Armed Guard Permit 16 - $125.00 8 Hour Renewal - $85.00Self Defense. Chicago, effectively extending Heller decision to states and local governments nationwide? Draw it solely in preparation to protect yourself or an innocent third party from the wrongful. As a way around this situation, such person who wishes to legally carry a concealed firearm? Colorado residents must have a Colorado permit to carry Colorado. We will travel you site if necessary. For further discussion, also see and Marvel's and Ayres and? New License class is 10 hours and the Renewal class 4 hours? B c Chris Hinyub (Jun 12, 2010). A state that is de jure a May-Issue jurisdiction may range anywhere from No-Issue? In the majority decision the 2008 Supreme Court case of. Don't settle for the training comes in the box. To the 1897 supreme court case Robertson v. In Box: Welcome to TEAM GLOCKLEG. The vast majority of defensive gun uses (DGUs) do not involve killing or even. Legislation to concealed carry in Wisconsin is supported by the Republican-controlled legislature, and Governor Scott. Wilson wrote a dissenting opinion in which he argued all of the Committee's? Read and become knowledgeable of the Oklahoma Act;6. 41 (406) 287-2182 Firearms Training for Responsible Charles, O'Fallon and Wentzville 636-625-6626 We are a provider. Length: 10:00 AM to 6:00 PM Thornton, CO Cost: Regular Tuition: $125!. In 1895 the Court ruled in Beardv.U.S. Length: Kentucky 8 Hours Flordia 12 Hours Ohio 12 Hours Cost. Florida, Michigan and Missouri hold the widest reciprocity of all the states in? In the United States no convicted felon purchase, transfer, or otherwise!. However simply passing an officer on the street, even close distance, does not generally? For example, Georgia, Pennsylvania, and Washington have no trainingsafety, requirement. Request or print application;5? David (June 17, 2010). Other restrictions seen in certain states include restricting the user to. Web Special - Register online or tell us you found this course online and get a $25! Some states require that a person carrying a concealed weapon immediately declare fact to? KNOW EXACTLY WHEN YOU CAN USE GUN. Issuing Authority:Sheriffs Office in the where you reside. Ammunition is for sale at the range handguns are available? Length: $99 and up Cost: 3 to 8 hours, one. Places off-limits when carrying:1., If you need accurate answers, hire an attorney who is licensed in the! Length: Custom Cost: Call for price Learn. Length: 4 hour for CCW and longer for other classes. SC Armed and Unarmed Security Training. 'Steps To Your Texas Concealed Handgun License'. Right Denied: States are Right Denied DO NOT allows private. 85747 520.429-0593 Tactical Advantage Instructors are dedicated to providing safe and responsiblefirearms training. New Jersey is a 'may issue' state, and issues to? Colorado Concealed Carry (CCW) Courses Safearms Academy Safearms. A b generally the several appendices to Steven W. Some of the trained customers include:Chicago Police Department, Marine Police, Gary Indiana! Kentucky Concealed Carry (CCW) Courses Kentucky, Flordia, Ohio CCW Classes Northern. NOTE: The information listed below regarding Oklahoma gun is meant as a reference. Connecticut Concealed Carry (CCW) Courses John Albert Pistol Classes! Notary work, Range and class room. The following undisputed Shall-Issue states: Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas, Colorado, Florida, Georgia, Idaho, Indiana, Iowa. Law Enforcement of Carry:A licensee must inform a police officer that the! Vocational-technical school property; sports arena during5. With our Mission Specific Training Program, we can customize the. Length: Starting at am 4-5 hours depending on class size Cost:! Econ Journal Watch 6(2): In 2009, Public Health Law Research, an independent organization, published an evidence? Attorney State Capitol2300 N. In October 2010 a Clark County judge ruled Wisconsin's concealed carry ban unconstitutional; a. Weapon possession, in the context of concealed weapons, is a crime that circumstance in which a? Just call us a couple days in advance! Learn Walton & Assoc.,Inc. Over 4 hours Cost: $150 for both the Utah and. 'Like most rights, the Second Amendment right is not Next class is November and 18th. Daniel Laudick, Sr.has over two decades of experience in and law enforcement tactics? Length: 8 Hours $50 for non-club members, $40 for club members? There is considerable dispute over the, of such 'gun-free zones'. North Carolina & Pistol Association. Even these relaxed restrictions on use of force, using a handgun must still be a last.? Government buildings Capitol, courthouses, police stations, federal buildings, post offices)?? Such signage can be posted out of ignorance to the or intent to pacify gun? There were about 25,000murders by firearm that period, meaning that concealed? 7996 Boneta Rd 7996 Boneta Rd, Wadsworth, OH 44281 330-334-0509? Montana currently allows unrestricted concealed carry outside of incorporated areas, but a concealed carry permit required. Less is unregulated, legal concealed carry such as in Vermont? Public or private elementary and secondary schools either inside or within 1,000 feet of. Oklahoma has set the maximum cost of all carry Oklahoma Self-Defense Act Classes to $60 for? Louisiana Concealed Carry (CCW) Courses Louisiana Concealed Handgun Course Slidell. Cost: $150 (includes $20 gift certificate for Bass Pro Shops) Learn More. Montana Concealed Carry (CCW) Courses, Fish Creek Ventures WhiteHall Montana 5913 MT Hwy. A b Concealed Weapon Firearm Summary - Oct. This does not include fee that the State of the Florida charges ($117.00) for. The state of Texas has two levels of its Concealed Handgun License NSA (Non-Semi-Auto) and SA. 'Concealed Weapons Bill goes to Brewer for Signature'. In some states, no person may be in the public possession of a firearm! Course topics meet the requirements of the State Texas. The license holder may also carry weapons into churchs, police stations, banks with no repercussion? Much this information will be covered in the class. Regardless of whether the local permit is granted or denied, the applicant must. (ATS) specializes in promoting firearm safety for all individuals, from the? 'More Guns, Less Thesis Rests on a Flawed Statistical Design, Scholars Argue'. The states give different terms for licenses or permits to carry a concealed firearm, such. Also offering most NRA courses and Utah Hunter Education All classes scheduled at trainee's convenience. Drop in the murder rate was the biggest one-year drop since. Learn More Concealed Carry Training in Oklahoma City Savage Trading at 10840. Utah Concealed Carry (CCW) Courses Utah Concealed Firearm Permit 2875 S. However, a permit to carry is generally valid statewide, although local ordinances? They also have the to be Victom' training. Such states will ask for a military ID (South Carolina) for active? Some Federal statutes restrict the of firearms on the premises of. In Florida, which 1987 introduced the 'shall-issue' concealed carry law used as a model for! Length: 8 Hours Cost: $80.00 Learn More Tactical Advantage. Using publicly media reports, the Violence Policy Center claims that from May 2007 through the end? A license may be renewed at any time within days. Texans who qualify with revolver are only allowed to carry a revolver; if they qualify. Shall Issue: States that are Shall Issue will issue any private. Expect to be arrested by police at gunpoint, and be charged with a crime anytime. Please contact them if you need for fun or for your. In some states, liability is present a resident brandishes the weapon, threatens use, or exacerbates a! 15 hour course Cost: $175.00 per person fee includes meals and snacks. These requirements vary widely by Some states also technically allow an assailant who is shot by a gun owner. 'Cottage Hills: Man arrested weapons charges, swinging bat at family'. Students may use personal handguns with instructors approval? Informationen Geschftsreisen mit Fullservice unter Image Tours Geschftsreisen. Mittelpunkt wird eine Bar sein, an der Ihnen ein Getrnke und Cocktails frisch! We reach 'decision' speed (where there is not enough runway left to. FROM AP: Bruins Lightning 3-1 to take 3-2 lead in? Passagiere der Airlines knnen momentan Nonstopflge zu 18 Zielen in den USA, Europa und? Durch Beitritt kann die Airline mehr Service und Produktangebote in ber 1.000 Reisezielen in 175! RSS-Feeds wir fr die Ebenen Artikel, Kategorien sowie fr unseren kompletten? Januar 2011 steht die ehemalige Senator Lounge als Lufthansa Business Lounge allen Statuskunden sowie? Diese sich direkt gegenber an Gate 123125 und steht whrend der im Mrz 2011 beginnenden Baumanahmen. TAM Airlines nimmt neue Flge Frankfurt nach Rio de Janeiro in.? With increasing security at airports around the world, flying has grown. It was a night flight from JFK to Buenos Aires, early in my 20-year! Passagiere der Fluggesellschaft sollten jedoch eine Stunde vor dem Abflug am TAM-Schalter erscheinen zwecks!! Die, Fluggesellschaft wird als 26. In fact, he barely said goodbye when the plane? Web-Check-in gilt ab sofort fr Flge von und nach Frankfurt, Paris. Dubai:Im neuen Senator Lounge Design mit 68 Sitzpltzen steht Gsten knftig deutlich.! Image Tours - Ihr Reisebro fr und Messereisen weltweit. Ab April 2010 greifen die neuen EU-Sicherheitsbestimmungen auch im Bereich B des Frankfurter Flughafens.Die seit Januar. Die Kosten fr den einmaligen Zutritt betragen 25 Euro bzw. Lebensjahr gegen eine Gebhr von 15 bzw. Since the imposition of bag fees, airlines in the United States have more than? Airline lounges The following airlines have VIP lounges available at Melbourne Airport for, passengers?. Flge mit TAM Airlines nach Rio de Janeiro, New York und London: Neuer Airbus. Um die Einrichtungen und Dienstleistungen unserer SilverKris zu sehen oder die Einzelheiten der. Geschftsreisende Urlauber knnen dadurch mehr Destinationen mit beiden Fluggesellschaften buchen. Die neue Business Class Loung im ersten Stock dem neuem. Fr das Wohl sorgt ein hochwertiges Speisen- und Getrnkesortiment. Reisende, welche Ihre Reise auf Code-Share-Flgen antreten, gelten die Zugangsbestimmungen der jeweiligen operierenden? FROM AP: Repeat deadly storms but not unknown'. News Angebote zu Flug, Hotel, Mietwagen oder Bahn fr Ihre nchste Geschftsreise. Abkommen gilt auch fr Inlandsflge von Madrid nach Barcelona, Bilbao, Malaga. Geschftsreisende haben die Mglichkeit noch komfortabler zu fliegen. Die Lounge ist mit 154 Sitzen ausgestattet, welche den KrisFlyer Elite Gold und Alliance. Geschftsreisende knnen die neue ab sofort buchen. FROM AP: Powerful tribe takes over vital Sanaa district. Whrend der Umbauarbeiten von Mitte Mai bis September heien wir Sie in. But he insisted that, unlike their counterparts in Canada Germany, U.S. Die SilverKris Lounge am Kansai International Airport wurde am 01! Die Airline aus Brasilien wird in diesem Jahr noch ein zweites Flugzeug vom. Die Voucher fr den Loungezugang knnen an Lufthansa Ticketschaltern des. Public accommodations (theaters, concert halls, shopping malls). Opponents of such measures, such as OpenCarry.org, state that, much like other malum prohibitum laws. Public events (polling state fairs, stadiums and other sporting venues)? The information on this site should be considered 'as-is' and is not guaranteed to be accurate? All processing completed prior day of training. The bill contained an amendment introduced by Senator Tom Coburn (R-OK) that prohibits the. 2003 and Donohue, 'The Latest Misfires in Support of the More. Any degree of physical force, including but not limited to deadly force, against another person who has? For more information please view our terms of use. Length: 4 hours Cost: $75 Learn More CO Concealed? Offering useful information on Utah concealed carry permit along with taking a Utah concealed. National Parks Gun Law Takes Effect in February Washington Post, May 22. Classes are at several locations. After approval of the application, the must be picked up at the Sheriffs Office in? This provision most commonly applies to traffic stops police questioning but! North Dakota Concealed Carry (CCW) Courses Rusty Ramirez. Rhode Island law allows for local police chiefs to issue concealed carry permits on a. 20 miles east of Chehalis, WA (2 hours from either Seattle or Portland) 360-978-6100? However, any applicant shall have three (3) years from the expiration of the license? See alsoOpen CarryGun politicsGun in the USGun laws in the United States (by. NRA and CCW and advanced classes. 'New Residents Overview of Massachusetts Gun Laws'. Licensed by Clark County Nevada and sancioned by LVMPD as a certified NRA instructor Nevada CCW? A May-Issue jurisdiction is one that requires a permit to a concealed. Wilson, retrieved January 11, 2006 National Research Council (National Academy of Sciences), Firearms. These skills and other in this course form the core shooting skills used. Jeff Morganteen (16 June 2010). This page was last on 21 May 2011 at 10:26. NRA Instructor in the following disciplines: Basic Pistol, Rifle and and a Louisiana Instructor. Length: 15 Cost: $150 Learn More WOODHILL? However Lott has recently updated his findings with further This text, replaced by the Flash movie. 1998 John Lott, 'The Concealed-Handgun Journal of Legal Studies. We specialize in Advanced Concealed Carry Training. An example of this is the State of Washington's refusal to. Both versions of the FID license 'shall issue'. The Justices asserted that sensible restrictions on the to bear arms. Individuals or groups intent on committing far more egregious crimes, such as armed robbery. Although a State-issued carry permit may exempt a person from this. Nina totenberg (March 2, 3835 Arlington Street, Fort Myers, Florida 239-357-3437 Choose from? Texas Concealed (CCW) Courses One Day CHL Gander Mountain? That if an individual does provoke an assault and is residing in a place they have? This was great training from a highly qualified trainer? However, two recent Supreme Court cases have effectively deemed those statutes. One of our Carryconcealed.net Contributors was able go through the class. States, only Alaska, Vermont, Arizona, and Wyoming (as of July 1, 2011) allow residents to. If a license holder needs a new license and the current license will expire within the. By posting the signs, businesses create areas where it is illegal! Thirteen states use a permit to regulate the practices of! Geschftsreisenden stehen die Nonstopflge 11. Unless it's chapter five of a franchise like Transformers, or lame remakes of classics like Arthur. Wer sich vor der Reise noch erfrischen mchte, in den hochwertig ausgestatteten Duschbdern. Nach der der neuen Senator Lounge werden Lufthansa Business Class Gste in die vom Flughafen betriebene. Fr Umbau wird die Lufthansa Senator und Business Lounge ab 2. FROM AP: APNewsBreak: USDA lowers pork's? Flge TAM in neuen Jet von Rio de Janeiro nach Frankfurt buchen. The 'Know Before You Go Series' is designed, reveal exclusive insider tips and valuable insight from. Wir bitten unsere PPS- undKrisFlyer Elite-Gold-Mitglieder sowie alle Business Class-Passagiere, die mit SilkAirab Penang reisen,sich. Die fr den Zugang knnen an den Lufthansa Ticketschaltern des jeweiligen Abflugortes? Geschftsreisen und Flge nach Rio de Janeiro buchen: Angebote fr neue Verbindung mit TAM. Ab September 2011 steht Lufthansa Senatoren eine vergrerte, neu Lounge mit stilvollem Interieur zur Verfgung. Flakes have mushroomed into a blizzard. Die von Frequent Travellern haben die Wahl zwischen den Lufthansa Business. Flug LissabonFlug LondonFlug MadridFlug MoskauFlug NizzaFlug OsloFlug Paris Flug RomFlug SofiaFlug St. TAM fhrt auch ab Frankfurt eine First Class ein. Ab Sommer 2011 knnen sich Lufthansa First- und Business Class Reisende sowie Miles &. Ihre Begleiter haben die Mglichkeit, den Zugang zu ausgewhlten Lufthansa zu erwerben. Shouldn't those sure planes take off and land safely be given. FROM AP: Federer serves notice, advances at French Open. Ab sofort knnen Frequent ihre Kinder bis zum vollendeten 12. Dezember 2009ist die SilverKris Lounge in geschlossen, da die Singapur-Penang-Flge von. Latest Oil price: To, the oil price, please enable Javascript! Fr jugendliche Begleiter dem 13. Januar 2010 auch ab Deutschland der renommierten First Class reisen und zahlreiche Exklusiv-Services nutzen FrankfurtSan. Die Voucher fr die Welcome Lounge sind bei Ankunft in Verbindung mit einer interkontinentalen Lufthansa Bordkarte. Sometimes there is a great breach between theory, practice. Natrlich stehen den Begleitern von Senatoren auch die Lufthansa Business Lounges in. There was real and a metaphorical cry of 'Play Ball' in Sendai, Japan yesterday., me, it was a trip I'll never forget, and it will always be. AIRLINE & AIRPORT NEWS STORIESWeekly news FROM AP: The nation's weather. Der Zugangbefindet im zweiten Stock gegenber dem Gate 16. Sicherheitshinweise Reiseinformationen Reisen: Rekorde und Extreme Reiserecht Reisetipps und Reiseangebote Schiff Streik Warnungen! In Singapursteht KrisFlyer Elite Gold Mitgliedern, welche in der Singapore Airlines Economy Class reisen, die SATS. Neu TAM Airlines First Class ab Deutschland: Erstmals TAM Airlines Class-Flge ab Frankfurt buchenMittwoch. FROM AP: Official: Ash will cancel up. Gste, die in ein Schengen-Land weiterreisen, werden gebeten, die Schengen im Bereich? Weitere Begleiter knnen den Zutritt zu den Lufthansa Senator Lounges, Deutschland? The PAL InterclubThe country's oldest, largest and most prestigious golf team, Die Fluggesellschaft aus Brasilien startet Frankfurt um 22.40 Uhr und landet am! Vielflieger in Mnchen knnen sich freuen!Nach umfangreichen Neu- und Umbauarbeiten! Offiziell wird TAM am 13. Neben den internationalen Verbindungen gilt das Abkommen auch fr Inlandsflge zwischen Madrid fnf spanischen. 72 Stunden vor dem Abflug. Controllers would not be allowed to take naps during their scheduled. Neue Flge mit TAM Airlines nach Rio de Mit TAM von Frankfurt. TAM neues Mitglied bei Star Alliance: TAM Airlines wird Star Alliance. Januar 2010 knnen Passagiere, die mit TAM Airlines von oder nach Frankfurt reisen, erstmals auch Pltze? Flge mit TAM Airlines: Web-Check-in fr Flge von und nach Frankfurt, Paris und sowie? Beide Lounges laden in neuem Design zum Verweilen ein, bieten insgesamt 130 Sitzpltze sowie einen moderneren! Passagiere haben die Flugtage Montag, Mittwoch, Donnerstag, Samstag Sonntag zur Auswahl. This week, in the wake of reports of air traffic controllers falling? What exactly will American Airlines have to ante up?Not $90,000 being. Januar 2010 Angebote TAM Airlines First Class Flughafen FrankfurtMain. 35 US-Dollar fr die Business Lounges und 50 Euro! Um das Reiseerlebnis fr Sie noch komfortabler zu gestalten und den Bedrfnissen von Geschftsreisenden und. There are fees for everything, and while are worth it, others are an obnoxious way! Der Jet ist direkt vom in Toulouse geliefert worden. 3F Mezzanine PNB CenterPres. Geschftsreisen und Flge mit TAM Airlines: Brasilianische, Airlines tritt Airline-Verbund Star Alliance bei. KrisFlyer Gold LoungeIn der KrisFlyer Gold Lounge im Terminal 3 trifft auf Moderne. Loungezutritt erhalten Frequent Traveller gemeinsam mit ihren Kindern oder Begleitern, wenn sie ihre. Mit exklusivem persnlichem Service und Komfort auf hchstem Niveau bietet die First Class von TAM Airlines? We'll even save few slots in our Napquest rooms. TAM Airlines bietet neue Flge vom Flughafen Frankfurt nach Rio de? Der kufliche Loungezugang fr Erwachsene ist bereits seit 2010 in Lufthansa! Lebensjahr gilt knftig der bereits bestehende Tarif fr Erwachsene von 25. Geschftsreisen und Flge nach Spanien und Brasilien buchen: TAM Airlines und. 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FROM AP: Mavs come from down, stun Thunder 112-105. FROM AP: Blast hits refinery as Ahmadinejad visits. Auerdem sorgen ein Kinderkino und bequeme fr viel Spa schon vor dem Flug.Durch die. FROM AP: Mavs rally from 15 down stun Thunder 112-105 in? Anschlieend stehen diesen Gsten wie bisher die im Bereich B zur Verfgung. Mai 2010 offiziell Star Alliance Mitglied. 70 US-Dollar fr die Welcome Lounge.Als Senator haben Sie bereits die Mglichkeit, kostenfrei Begleiter sowie.. Tipp Geschftsreisen und Flge buchen: Gnstig Flge buchen Image Tours Flug. Jungen Lufthansa Passagiere drfen sich auf eine Spiel- und Krabbelecke, auf Maltische, Spiele-Konsolen. Richard Branson is a real life Willy Wonka and everyone wants to win his? Fr alle, die ein wichtiges Meeting vorbereiten oder ihre E-Mails bearbeiten wollen, stehen zahlreiche Arbeitspltze zur Verfgung. Neben den gewohnten Komfort-, Bistro- und Arbeitsbereichen erstmals eine Jet-Friends-Lounge fr Kinder entstanden. 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Colicky mavesmerter symptomer hos voksne Selv om kolik er normalt en tilstand forbundet med babyer, kan. At de fleste mennesker forbinder med abdominal ubehag. Colicky mavesmerter symptomer hos voksne Selv om kolik er normalt en tilstand forbundet med babyer, kan. At de fleste mennesker forbinder med abdominal ubehag. How exactly do you go from dating someone casually to having a serious relationship with them? Is it some secret, LSD fuelled desert ritual? Do you just ask them? Or maybe even *shudder* express your feelings? Casual to Serious: Why Do You Commit? The Psychology Questions & Answers page is a knowledge sharing resource where anybody can ask or answer a question relating to the fascinating world of psychology. I am worried I am addicted to casual sex Tell Me About It: Does my need to hook up with new people mean I’m not ready for a relationship? Why your relationship isn’t progressing. If you’ve been dating someone for years. 3 thoughts on “10 Reasons Your Relationship is at a Standstill”. New Dating Rules: The Subtleties of 'Relationship Lite'. We haven't decided whether or not we should be exclusive with one another. The new MSN Singapore – your customisable collection of the best in news, sport, entertainment, money, weather, travel, health and lifestyle, combined with Outlook. Most of us have experienced a serious relationship by accident, usually when we really like the person we’re dating and it just naturally develops into something more. Other times you really like someone and it doesn’t work out, and you’ve probably wondered if there was anything you could’ve done differently. To make yourself a better partner, think about your past relationships. What qualities made you want to get serious with your date? What things turned you off? Being self-aware of how others perceive you is a huge advantage in dating and relationships. If you’re struggling with this, here’s a short list to help you go from a casual date to a serious mate (so lame, I know). My Top 3 Casual Dating Tips 1) Be Independent Some “experts” say you should act unavailable. It’s true that being overly available can seem desperate or unattractive, but the last thing you want to do is play dating games. If you’re suffering from no-life syndrome, step back and ask yourself why you aren’t having fun on your own. Sure, acting unavailable might work at the casual dating stage, but what happens after that? How long before insecurities, neediness, and jealousy creep in? Instead of acting unavailable, be independent. Hang out with your friends a couple times a week. Go to the gym. Play the sport you like or pursue one of your interests. Learn an instrument, a language, or take dancing lessons. Value yourself and your own time. The main thing here is neediness is a killer. Insecure people push for serious relationships for the security it brings, and people can sense that. 2) Set Boundaries Why would someone commit to you if they’re getting everything they want without the commitment? If you’re struggling to find people willing to move beyond casual dating, there’s a good chance you’re giving too much. Why bend over backwards to make someone you barely know happy? Let them earn it. A prime example of this is a guy who brings a girl flowers on the first date. A nice gesture, but how do you know she deserves them? What if she ends up being a total bitch? Some women might be wondering. Holding off to avoid judgement is ridiculous – how can two people have sex at the same time but only one of them does it too soon? Any guy who loses interest in you for having casual sex “too soon” is not worth having around. 3) This Secret Psychology Brain Hack Here’s a way to discover how you might be sabotaging yourself without knowing it. When you go on a date, what do you think the purpose is? Whatever your answer is, that’s the main cause of your behaviour. If your answer is something like “to find the one”, you’re gonna come across as needy. If it’s “to get to know someone”, you’ll probably seem interview-ish. The best way to look at a date is a chance to have fun. This keeps things well, fun. People like being around fun, low-pressure people with no expectations. As things progress, that’s when you get to know each other. If you emotionally vomit on someone and spill your whole life story during the first three dates, where’s the fun in that? It’s like telling someone what’s in the present they’re about to unwrap. Isn’t the funnest part the unwrapping? Focus on having fun, enjoy the mystery, and going from casual to serious will happen naturally. Signs You’re Graduating From Dating to a Serious Relationship If all goes well, you won’t have to do “the talk” of whether or not you’re a serious couple. Watch for these milestones, and you’ll know if the casual dating phase is almost over. The final milestone is when you know it’s official – whether you say it’s a serious relationship or not. Unscheduled Time Together When you start hanging out together without making plans in advance, you know things are getting serious. Meeting Friends Meeting each other’s social group is a big step. If you make it past the gauntlet of scrutiny from their friends, things are well on their way. Sleepovers Without Sex As long as you aren’t fighting, this is actually a good sign. You Leave Some Stuff at Their House If he’s leaving a pair of boxers at your place, it’s a sign. Likewise, if she’s got some clothes or 8,412 bottles of hair product in your shower, you’re in. The Big One: Your First Fight If you have a fight and you don’t break up, you’re basically saying this is something worth working on. Troubleshooting: Dating for Months, but Not Serious? Dating Tips and Q&A with Yours Truly I wrote the first version of this article in 2012, and since then I’ve gotten hundreds of emails and comments asking about what to do in certain situations. Here are the most common questions and my answers to each. If you have a question about moving from casual dating to a serious relationship that I didn’t answer, leave a comment below the article and I’ll get back to you within a couple days. Q: I’ve been dating this person for months, and when I ask if we’re a serious couple or not, the subject gets changed or I get ignored altogether. A: There are two explanations for this. One, they’re interested but not good at communicating or are feeling pressured and don’t like it. Two, they don’t want to get serious but want the other benefits of dating. Let them know what you’re looking for and pull back a bit. If you drift apart, you know they were never going to commit and you saved yourself time, trouble, and heart ache. Q: My date says it’s just casual, but acts like it’s serious? Texting a lot, we hook up often, they want to meet my friends. What’s the deal? A: This scenario usually happens when someone wants to get serious but has a fear of commitment. They get around it by tricking themselves into thinking it’s not actually serious unless it’s labelled that way. You have a choice to make – can you handle someone whose actions and words don’t align? Is it more important to you to have this person, or a person who’s ready and willing to commit? Q: No one I date wants to get serious!! There’s always an excuse, why can’t I meet the right people? A: You aren’t a helpless victim of the dating universe, so this isn’t really a question – you keep meeting the wrong people because you keep choosing to date similar people. What feels right to you isn’t working. You need to try some wrong. Stop meeting people wherever you’re meeting them now. Date people who you don’t usually go for, and stop dating “your type”. My boyfriend and i have been together for a straight 8months. In the past we’ve dated as well (all together we have been friends for 4 years and dated between there) recently he has stopped saying “i love you” unless i say it first. We are long distance due to military, but i see him every holiday break including spring and summer. The passion feels “low” i guess you could say. I feel as if i’ve done all i can to grab his attention and have him interested in me like he use to, but nothing has quite worked. He admits something feels “odd” as he put it. Does this just mean that hes comfortable around me? Or could there be something else going on? Is there anything i could do? I am dating a guy who I really like and he seemed to really like me but now only contacts me several times a week (not by phone) to say he misses me or how attracted he is to me, but never plans to meet unless it’s last minute and at his house. He does have a very, very busy job and is just getting over a major medical issue. I guess I need to directly talk to him the next time we see each other. I don’t really want random dates every few weeks or so. He had said in the beginning that he was looking for a monogamous relationship and wanted to make sure I was off of Match.com and had told everyone about me blah blah blah dating is so confusing. I’ve been dating my “bf,” for a year. We see each other every other weekend. He has part time custody of his two teen daughters on weekends we aren’t together. Sometimes, we see each other once during the week for dinner. We are both legally separated. Nearly 5 years for him 3 for me. We both had been married for over 20 years. It’s been hard for him to deal with the separation. Sometimes, he still misses her I think. She has no interest in getting back together. I am over my marriage and am ready for love again. When we are together we have a great time. All his attention is on me. He is lovable, affectionate. He just told his girls about me a couple of weeks ago. They handled it ok. Problem is, I’m out of sight of mind when I’m not with him. He rarely texts me. He likes me to initiate. I don’t mind sometimes but I told him it would make me feel good if he texted more. He makes an effort once in a while. We talk about everything except where we are in our relationship or if it might progress. It makes him uncomfortable to talk about it. I recently told him I loved him. I took a chance. I figured he may not say it back. He said, “I’m not there yet.” He likes me a lot and I’m special but I guess he isn’t ready for more. I’m not sure what to do or if there is anything I can do about it. I feel like I’m going to scare him off if I express what I need and hope for. I don’t think I want yo marry again but I would enjoy a serious relationship. He said he doesn’t want to date anyone else. Neither do I really. I’m just so confused. What do you think? Putting yourself out there and being vulnerable is absolutely the right move, and it’s incredibly difficult to do that. Be proud of yourself for having the guts to do it. I think you’re way past casual dating. A serious relationship milestone is telling the kids, so he’s certainly serious about you. I think he’s being honest. Personally I’d way rather have someone honestly say they don’t love me yet than say they love me when they don’t. He clearly sees the potential to fall in love with you otherwise why keep moving towards a serious relationship? Hi Ryan: I posted in May about my boyfriend whom I told I loved. He said he wasn’t there yet. He said I’m special, cares for me a lot but just wasn’t in love with me. I told him I knew there was a chance he didn’t love me but I said it without expectation. I was hoping he felt the same. Well, you commended me for it but unfortnately, it scared the hell out of him. He became distant on and off. Made passive aggressive comments hoping I’d break up with him I guess. Two months after I declared my feelings, he broke up with me. Via e-mail too! Too cowardly to talk in person which he admitted. He said we took the relationship as far as its going to go. He didn’t “feel the chemistry,” any longer and isn’t ready to commit long term to anyone if ever again. I was devastated. Two weeks prior, everything seemed good for the most part. I was shocked. I said two weeks ago we were fine and this came out of nowhere. All he said was, “sorry.” I still love him. A month after this, I stopped by his place to give him some of his things. He hugged me and said he didn’t mean to hurt me. That I’m a good lady. I texted him a couple times to chit chat. He was very receptive to it. He said there are so many reminders of me everywhere and he misses me at times. I asked him of he would like to meet up here and there for a movie etc. Something very casual. He didnt reply. Asked him a week ago. Oh well, guess I need to move on. So I’ve been casually dating this guy for almost two months now Him and I had both just gotten out of serious relationships when we met. He was married but I was not even though the guy I was previously with I was basically married to also (lived with him, had kids, been together for almost 5 years) We met through a mutual friend. The night we met he asked for my number and texted me immediately after and said “hey glad we met, hope it goes somewhere” he text me the next day and confessed he’d been thinking about me all day He started inviting me to hang out this and that. I wasn’t as interested as he was so I kinda made excuses and blew him off. Then one night he invited me over after work so I decided to stop by and only planned to stay a few minutes, well a few minutes turned into a couple hours and before I knew it it was 2 in the morning He really wanted me to stay but I went home and he text me after I left and confessed that he really liked me a lot The following week he went to out of state and we hit it off pretty good texting all the time I decided to give it a chance. I was in an in between relationship for about a year with my current guy. He was previously married and I was coming out of a long term relationship myself when we first met. He tried a lot in the beginning but had put a hold on it for the first few months because I had not felt ready to move on at the time. Not until 6 months ago did I start developing feelings. When we hung out things were great, but we didn’t get to see each other often. I started seeing warning signs that he didn’t seem fully committed and was evasive when I tried to talk more about it. I was too afraid to get hurt and like how I felt when we were together to jeopardize anything. One time late at night he had mentioned he wanted to become something more and asked what we should call each other. It was if we had sort of labels but nothing changed. There was no commitment made after that.The in between continued until I found out he was talking to/ hanging out with another girl. I made it clear then that this in between was not for me and I clearly stated what I was looking for and left. After doing this he immediately did a 180 and did everything a boyfriend would do and everything I’ve been looking for. After taking some time to myself and asking if this is what I want we have now been together for a little over a month and just got back from a 4 day vacation together. Besides our awkward past things have been great. I guess my question is can you trust someone who now is committing to you after you weren’t serious for so long? And if you can how to get your friends and family on board that things are better now? Thank you for the help! When guys are being shady one of the best things you can do is stand your ground. It shows them you have self-respect, confidence, and won’t tolerate bullshit – all of which are very attractive. Well you were only casually dating for a short time, so I don’t think a serious relationship is out of the question due to his behaviour. You called him out, he changed, now you’re cool. If he does it again, get out before you get sucked into a serious relationship that isn’t worth the effort. If he keeps treating you right, your family and friends will get on board. Time will tell. Hey Ryan, my boyfriend of 6 months and i broke up in middle May, he told me he didnt want to be in a relationship anymore and wanted to be single. Then, after not speaking for about a week while he was on vacation to play volleyball, he texted me and just asked what i was doing and how i had been. It seemed like he missed me. Two nights later, talking both days, I went to one of our mutual friends birthday night at a local bar. He was there, i got really drunk, and his friend took me home (male friend whom has a gf that was out of town) and my ex got extremely jealous! He told me he didnt love me anymore and ‘didnt know who i was anymore’. After 3 more days, he asked to meet up and talk, i had just moved and he came to see my new place (i was supposed to move in with him by the way) and we had sex. Its been 3 weeks and we are now seeing each other every day! Going out to the bars TOGETHER, grocery shopping again, even spending the night and NOT having sex. To me, everything has been so great, like starting over!! Then i saw he was messaging girls on tinder to come over and shit. I confronted him about it, he said it was ‘just when he was bored’ and he would never meet up with them cuz he is super happy with us. I made it clear that if he ever had sex with someone else, i would never talk with him again. So why after i say that, does he still messge girls on a hook up app?!? Am i not on the right path and thinking eerything isn as good for him as it is for me? How do i know he is REALLY invested in us and not messing with me to have sex? Any advice would be awesome! I recently started dating my best male friend. We have known each other for 7yrs. In the past we have cheated on our exes with each other but then we stopped messing around and kept being really good friends. This is the first time we date each other and it feels great. What i am worried about is if this will only be a summer thing or not? He is currently living upnorth and im in the south due to school. His family knows we are dating so do mine and he’s already told certain friends. How do i know if we can carry on dating if he has to go back up north in a month? Will it work out? What can I do to maintain our dating life together? Please lend me some advice. I wish I had a crystal ball, but short of that there’s no way to say for sure whether or not this casual dating thing turns into a serious relationship. If you really want to know I’d ask him. Where does he see you when he goes up north? Is that something you want, and if so, does he want the same? Is it feasible for both of you? Long term, long distance relationships are basically impossible, so be careful here. Consider your wants and needs. Try to figure out if you want it because it fits your life, or if you want it because it feels good right now and you don’t want it to end. Hi I have been dating this guy for about 6-7 months now. We talk on the phone almost everyday and usually meet 2-3 times a week but it’s mostly unplanned and at night after his work as he works full time and is very busy with work and also renovating his house during the weekends. He has taken me to his work place to meet everyone and also during the past month I have met some members of his family and he took me out to dinner with them. At times when I go over to his place he leaves his house keys with me so that I leave when I’m comfortable. I have invited him a few times to come out to dinner with my friends and my sister but he has never made it because he’s been busy. Problem is whenever I tell him that I love him he says thanks. I have asked him wether he loves me or not and he said he likes me a lot but he’s been through a lot of heart breaks in the past and would rather take his time to get to know me and say it whenever he feels secure and comfortable. I’m not sure if he just likes the benefits of casual dating or wants to be serious. Should I give him more time? I’m so happy you posted here! I think it would’ve been sad if you left. The guy leaves you house keys, introduces you to friends and family, brings you to his workplace – he’s clearly up for a serious relationship. You can’t force love. And you know what’s way better than a false I love you from a man? A man who’s willing to be straight up and honest with you instead of running for the hills. If he’s scared, respect that. As long as he’s doing all the other things you’d do in a serious relationship, I can’t see him being in it for the benefits of casual dating. Sounds like a solid dude who’s just gunshy – give him a chance and see how it goes! I finally got the nerve to end things with a guy who I felt wasn’t putting in enough effort. I feel much better, like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders but I also wonder if I ended things too prematurely. We have been seeing eachother for 5 months and he travels for work a lot. At first, when he would return home, he’d schedule time for us to meet. But for the past 3 mos, he doesn’t really follow up with me any more. I barely know when he’s in town or not. I feel like an after thought like when plans fall through with other people,that’s when he calls me. He always calls me at the last minute to meet and never plans anything in advance and we don’t do anything nice together. Everything seems to be on his terms and on his time. And what’s worst is that I don’t feel like we are getting to know eachother deeply at all, even after 5 mos. We already had the exclusivity talk so apparently we are exclusive but there is no title.. I told him my concerns 2 mos ago and he promised that he’d try to be better because he really likes me, but he’s mostly gotten worst. The other day he was talking to me as if our relationship was progressing, which I was totally shocked by because I couldn’t imagine anyone calling this progression. I don’t think he really listens to me. I’m a very direct woman so I was very straightforward about what I needed from him in order to make things work but it’s like he’s not listening. He told me that he has so many other obligations that it’s hard to see me but I work full time, I run my own business on the side, and I still hang out with friends, so if I can make time for him, it’s seems ridiculous that he can’t make time for me. And the other day when I was busy and wasn’t answering his calls, he started questioning me and sending me a ton of messages. In fact, every time I don’t answer him he panics and thinks that I’m no longer interested in seeing him anymore. For the life of me I can’t figure out why a guy can be so lazy with you and never make time for you but all the sudden care when you are focused on your own life. I want to know if it was smart for me to just end things or should I have talked to him one more time to see if he would change. I felt like maybe he does care because every time I get busy, he starts to freak out. So I assumed that maybe that’s a sign that he cares but I know it’s silly to think that. What do you think? I met this guy at a bar and hooked up with him within two hours, I was really attracted to him and could not control myself. I can’t say that I expected anything from that but he began smooth talking and saying all this stuff like he wanted to get to know me better, he only likes to be with one person, I am special and rare. However he lives out of state and comes into town once a week about every one or two months. He only texts me when he is in town and has NEVER called me. At one point when we were together he said “I LOVE YOU.” His actions contradict his words as I have never been so intimate with someone who acts like they could care less, but acts like they are in love with me when they are with me. I have made excuses not to see him a few times but he always seems to text me when he is in town. I confronted him via text that I like him but do not want to be deceived, and then he described the relationship as casual. I am just looking for confirmation that this guy is full of crap and just using me. I don’t plan to see him again despite how much I really really really liked him (unfortunately). I love the bit about calling him out when he isn’t showing up the way you need him to show up, great awareness. Don’t worry too much about labels, whether it’s casual dating or serious relationship doesn’t matter if the actual dynamics don’t match the label. To me, it sounds like you’re beyond casual dating. Meeting kids, staying over, making changes when your partner brings up an issue – those are all great signs. Maybe he has a hang up about calling you his girlfriend? Either way, if it’s going to be a serious relationship he does have to get over that at some point. I don’t think you’re being a fool as long as it’s *actually* developing into a serious relationship. Nothing wrong with taking it slow as long as you know what you want from the relationship and it’s trending in that direction. Right, talk is cheap. One other question, pretty please! One thing that is bugging me is that he doesn’t keep in contact with me as much as I would like. I understand that texting all the time is not sustainable & can be annoying. But I really would like to talk to him every day when we aren’t able to see each other. I don’t even need long hours on the phonejust a call on our way home from work to see how our day was. Right now we text probably 3-4x week just to say hiI’ve called him a couple times but I feel weird doing it. He has called me before too but it’s just not consistent. When I do call him, he’s always receptive. Answers usually always or calls me right back. I understand saying something to him the wrong way could make him feel like he is being given a checklist and if he’s calling to check it off, I don’t think I would really like it. But I also understand that I should voice what I want and need at times too.how do you think I approach it? Do I just do the calling on my way home to encourage that? Or do I say something? Thank you for all your responses so far! Started dating this guy 2 months ago. We were both just out of serious relationships but jumped into the relationship pretty fast. He is having a hard time getting over this last girlfriend and a month ago asked for some space. I gave him what he wanted. He told me he still wanted to be with me but needed some space to clear his head. He told me he would understand if I wanted to walk away but he hoped I wouldn’t. A week later he asked me to be his girlfriend officially. We talk everyday and see each other almost everyday. We have met each others kids and our kids get along really well. We have met each other’s family’s and they all support our relationship. He still has moments when he is sad about his ex but they are getting less and less. We are open about it and he vents to me when he thinks of something. It’s hard for me to hear because naturally I want to be the only girl he thinks about. He keeps assuring me he is getting better everyday he tells me he loves me and he hopes we make it long term. This is all good and everything but the thing that bothers me is he says this summer has to be about him, he needs time to better himself and make himself who he wants to be. I do want him to be happy and I do support him bettering himself but he says he can’t give 100% to the relationship while he does that. But some days it feels like he is giving 100% other days not so much. My biggest worry is that he will get through all this and decide I’m not what he wants. I’ve been with some real jerks (full on abusive relationships) and he is the first nice guy I’ve been with so it was easy to get attached. He is understanding of my natural issues from the past relationships and a genuine nice guy. Im worried it will end when he feels better. Should I stick around? I started casually seeing an acquaintance for about a month, and in that month we didn’t talk about the relationship but there very strong signs of our feelings towards each other. I would sleep over each time we hung out, and we would hang out in a “datey” way in front of both of our best friends (cuddling, making plans to sleep over, friends knew we were together). To me – and I say this with extremely limited information about him – he sounds like a guy who wants sex but doesn’t want to hurt your feelings or make you feel uncomfortable. It can be really scary being crazy about someone who doesn’t return the feeling. Look at your options though take the leap, and potentially you experience casual dating becoming a serious relationship. Don’t take the leap, and you’re safe, but you also kill your chances of experiencing a great relationship. When your gut tells you things don’t make sense, you’re usually right. One of the best skills you can learn is developing the confidence to trust that feeling and call out what you think is happening, even when it’s uncomfortable. I’d ask him what’s going on and explain what you just explained here. If you agree with me on the sex bit, ask him directly if he just doesn’t want to wait around, and is trying to avoid hurting or pressuring you. Let me know how it goes! Hi I met a guy on the darting app. We met 3times. First date was just having lunch. 2nd time I stayed over at his place. 3rd time we spend 2nights togather and he introduced me to his friends not as his gf. I wasn’t sure our relationship is serious or not. I thought it was not just hookup tho. He texted me why I am still logging to the dating app. What are you looking for. He said he is disappointed. I’m not native English speaker and our cultural background is different. Maybe I miss his signs. Maybe it was my bad logging into the app. Was this really bad thing?? I don’t know what should I do now I think I still like him. Thank you for giving your opinions. We talked about little bit stil don’t know our relationship. I guess getting serious tho. I actually delated my account. You know sometimes I just loggin without any thought. I do not want him to check me too. Also he told me that he removed me from his app so now he can’t check whether I login or not. He forgave me this time but he told me no more lies even it is bad thing. I am trying to be honest all the time tho. I am happy to meet him and staying with him now but idk how things change in the future. Hello, I dated a guy for the past one and a half year. We had started off as friends and later we dveloped feelings for each other. We’ve always have a lot of fun with eaxh other,so we got into a relationship. But for some reason our relationship seemed like stuck in place and dint move forward. So then we broke up. But still we met quite often, went out and stuff so we ended up getting back into the relationship. Things were great for a few months but again we came to the stand still point.So he broke up with me again. Now its been 2 months since our break up and we seem to be falling back in the same pattern of chatting each day, meeting up quite often. And we still have feelings for each other. But idk why our relatonship wont work out? I would really want it to work out as we’d be great together! Thanks for helping! Okay, so if we were moving forward, we’d be totally in the “we” mindset where we act as one unit. At the moment “we” factor isnt so strong. Idk why that is. But i think its because were are still in college and living with our parents and not independant yet and studies should be our priority. When i look at my friends who are in a serious relationship, either one of the girl or the guy or both of them live on their own. So that i guess helps them spend more time with their bfs because they can stay over many times or just live in with them.So what do you think bout this? Again i think we never talk about the future, because somewhere in my mind i think, its scary to dream about it even though i want to. Because we dont know next for masters where we would go and our paths might seperate which would be really sad.so im stuck in the “live the moment” phase out of fear. So my relationship doesnt feel like getting serious, it stays kinda casual-ish, we talk a lot, meet up, go on dates, make out. But then it starts getting monotonous and boring after a while even though we love each others company. And seeing friends getting all serious,planning how theyd like to grow old with each other, our relationship seems like nothing and we break up. But then we start missing each other and again start hanging out and talk all the time. Its so weird, idk how to solve this. Thanks for this, it’s exactly the info I needed. Yes, of course – I think you provided it yourself. You need to talk about the future and plan together. If you don’t move forward, things feel stale. If you break up because things feel stale (but you don’t have any serious relationship problems) you’ll likely end up back together again if your desire for a relationship isn’t fulfilled elsewhere. It’s scary for sure, but you’re right about not planning causing it to feel like you’re stuck in casual dating mode. A relationship is just a combination of friendship and dating for a really long time. Basically, your dating life sounds good, but your friendship is at an impasse because of an uncertain future. This won’t be resolved until you plan and commit to maintaining your future friendship together. Sit down and have a serious talk, discuss schools, start applying together if that’s where you’re at and what you’d like to do. Let me know how it goes! I am a gay male and I have been talking to a guy that I have known now for over a year now, we met online and have started a long distance type of relationship where I go out to see him at least once a month and we are always in constant communication either through snapchat, facetime, texts, etc. He is still going through a coming out process and I have now been introduced to his close friends and roommates and his brothers and sisters know about me now but not his parents. He tells me he isn’t looking for anything serious because he doesn’t know if the gay life is something that he is ok with. He tells me one thing but his actions make me think otherwise. We have an intense attraction to each other, our chemistry is amazing and he has trust me to be part of this part of his life. I don’t know if I should pay more attention to the words that come out of his mouth or his actions that are opposite to it. We love to just spend time with each other and we can have fun just sitting at the beach or out with friends or in bed watching TV. He tells me he loves me all the time and that no matter how, he wants me in his life for a very long time. Please help me in figuring this puzzle in my head! It’s a shame when someone is hesitant to love someone fully because of societal factors. I hope my kids grow up in a world where being gay isn’t something you have to weigh the pros and cons of before accepting it as who you are. I don’t doubt this guy is being genuine with you. I think the struggle is more between him and his issues with accepting that he’s a gay man and will have certain challenges associated with being open about who he truly is. The problem you have is whether or not you can live with someone who isn’t out. If you support him and are patient with him, maybe he’ll come out, maybe he won’t. Ask yourself if you’re honestly OK with the chances of that happening or if you’d like to find someone who’s open and can fully bring you into their life in all respects. When you mention his comment about “not being sure if gay life is for him” what I read is “I’m not willing to commit to being gay without my parents’ acceptance.” Seems like that’s the only thing holding him back, seeing as his siblings and friends know. I’m not going to pretend I know how scary that is, but I can tell you that I’ve admitted some scary things to people I love and have been rejected by some and accepted by others. For me, the relief of honesty is worth the risk of rejection. If someone can’t accept me I’d rather know about it, deal with the pain, and learn that I can keep being me even if others don’t approve. Think about the implications of living in the closet: “Who I am is not acceptable. I am unacceptable. The only way I can live is to hide who I really am. People will reject and judge me.” Holy shit right? That’s about as damaging as it gets. It hurts me to know people experience that on a daily basis, and I hope your boyfriend can overcome this obstacle in his life. Ryan, thank you for your reply. It brought a lot of insight. I feel as if I can’t abandon him until he is ready to make his decision, it would be irresponsible of me to do so. A little more insight to the situation, Christian has an older sister that came out as a lesbian about 3 years ago, for a while after, his family cut communication and it really tore the family apart. Today, there is communication with her and she has attended SOME family events but for the most part, there is little communication with her and their family which weighs heavy to Christian. Christian and I never expected our interaction to take this road, we never knew that we would fall for each other the way we have, to have developed this love for each other. I truly care for him and I want to fulfill this journey to be with him, I want him to be happy with the choice he ends up making. When I am with him, he is very courageous and I see him grow as a person, he takes risks as simple as holding my hand in public, coming out to his siblings while I am with him, coming out to his friends but as soon as I am away, he goes back to his dark side. When we started, we began as something casual, I knew he was exploring a curiosity that he had, that it could have been a summer fling a year ago, but for him to still want me around, to tell me he loves, to take the risk of introducing me to his friends and siblings is progress worth sticking around for right? I have never felt this way about a man before, to want to be with him not just from a sexual perspective but to truly care about him and his safety and to want to be there for him through this.it’s a deep collection that we have. Are all these signs that he wants me to be around for a long time even if there is conflict in his head? Careful with the concept of obligation, that can be a really dangerous road. The perception that you can’t abandon someone or that you’re obligated to them in some way can lead to unhealthy dynamics. I’m sorry to hear about his older sister. The decision his parents made was incredibly short-sighted and ignorant. It really sheds light on why he would be hesitant to come out to them. To explain his apparently contradictory behaviour within your serious relationship, here’s a quick bit most people are unaware of when it comes to the psychology of personality: Situations provide mental “pressure” to act in certain ways. Any person is capable of any behaviour. If you think of it like a spectrum, base personality would be like a peg placed somewhere on the spectrum. The actual behaviour is like an elastic around the peg with enough force the elastic can be stretched to anywhere on the spectrum, although it takes a lot of force to move the elastic far away from the peg. Over long periods of time, the peg slides around the spectrum to wherever the tension of the elastic is pulling it. Imagine Christian in between coming out and not. You, his siblings, and his supportive friends are a positive force stretching the elastic towards acceptance, openness, and authentic expression of who he is. His parents are a negative force (in this specific respect) stretching the elastic towards homophobia, guilt, shame, and the other things that keep him from coming out. He never really changes. The only thing that changes are the social forces acting to influence his behaviour. As long as someone has two roughly equivalent forces acting on them, they sort of cancel out and the person remains in the middle. I can’t imagine anyone who’s in a loving, serious relationship with a supportive partner not wanting them around. If you haven’t opened up to him about the way you feel, I think it would be a really positive conversation to have. He knows how I feel, that I care about him and he has mentioned that he doesn’t expect me to wait around for him through this process because at the same time the final decision might not be in my favor. Right now we are in a place where we both know that we love each other but that at the same time we can’t hold each other to expectations. It’s just a tough scenario that I’ve never been in, I’m 28 years old and this is all new to me. Thank you again for your insight, we shall see where this road leads me to. Hi Ryan, I just came a across this site & was wondering if you can help. I’m a single mom that’s been divorced for 4 years & I haven’t really had a relationship in that time. I’ve been focusing on rebuilding myself, being there for my kids & trying to finish my degree. I have been on a few dates here & there from guys I met on dating sites. I would always be upfront with them that i had kids, but the would always seem after 2 or 3 dates to stop taking to me. Recently I met this guy on Tinder, I didn’t tell him I had kids bc I wanted him to know me for me – the first 2 dates w met at a bar so I didn’t want to bring it up, 3rd date we went out to the movies & the 4 the 4th date he invited me over to his place for dinner. I felt the private setting was more appropriate to bring up that I had kids. When I did though he started to panic & basically said he was tired & asked me to leave. I haven’t heard from him since. Should I message him telling him that I’m just looking to date & not a serious commitment or someone to be in my kids lives if that’s what he freaking out about. I honestly just want a relationship w someone bc I want companionship. Sorry I know that sounds weird, but i don’t want a serious relationship. Frustrating situation! Here are my thoughts You’re ruining your own chances a bit here. Imagine three types of guys on an online dating site: 1) Guy wants a woman with kids 2) Guy doesn’t want a woman with kids 3) Guy is open to a woman with kids If you aren’t mentioning kids in your profile, or selecting the box that says “Yes, I have children”, you’re eliminating type 1 while attracting type 2 and 3. Mention your kids in your profile, and you’ll attract type 1 and 3 while filtering out type 2. Less of a pool to draw from, but you won’t be wasting your time. OR Don’t mention your kids in your profile, don’t mention them in real life, and keep things super casual and distant. Obviously there’s the risk that you meet someone and fall for each other, in which case you have to explain why you weren’t upfront and hope he understands. Hi Ryan, So hoping you can give me some advice. I’ve been seeing this guy for about 7 months now, we see each other at least 2 times or more during the week and always on the weekend sometime. We met through a mutual friend when I was with my ex of 5 years, we never initiated anything sexually or emotionally until after I was broken up with my ex for sometime. He was the one to ask me out on our first date and honestly I didn’t last too long in the sex department only after 2 dates. I didn’t really know holding out sex was a thing to be honest since my last boyfriend was my first and my high school boyfriend. I’m very inexpeirenced when it comes to dating, but we get along great he makes me laugh and we always have a great time together. He’s always wanting to cuddle and makes excuses for the small touches. He even invited me to play on his co-ed baseball team this summer with his friends. He hasn’t had a girlfriend for at least 3 years and he’s told me everyone of his girlfriends have cheated on him and that’s why they’ve never worked. I’m not a cheater, it never even crosses my mind when I’m in another group setting and he’s not around. When we are together in public people think we are a couple and it gets awkward at times when we haven’t had that discussion yet. I’ve tried to bring it up a few months ago but I don’t think I did it quite right since he tried to avoid the subject. I’m just wondering if I should hold out a little longer to see if he’ll bring it up or should I push on the subject more. I’m deffinately not a pusher it’s just not who I am so I keep telling myself that I’m fine with the way things are, but it’s hard because my family knows about him and want to meet him but I haven’t brought him around for this very reason. Hope you can help me out ?. If a guy dates you for 7 months but still isn’t willing to call you his girlfriend, I’m not sure when he will be. (Any ladies reading this – feel free to comment with how long it was before your casual dating phase became an “official” relationship.) I’d definitely bring it up and if he tries to avoid it be assertive. “I get that you don’t want to talk about it, but I’ve been with you for 7 months and I want to know if you see this going anywhere.” If there’s still resistance, try “I know you’ve had bad experiences before. If you’re hesitant to commit I can understand that, as long as you’re open with me and we talk about it.” Let me know how it works out! Hello, so I need help. There’s this guy I meet (online, I know it’s starting bad already). Well we made plans to meet right off the bat as a casual fling. I had never done anything like this before ( and on top of that I’m 25 and have never been in any sort of relationship much less had physical contact with a guy before this, if you know what I mean). We meet and things happened. The next day I went through my day like any other all the while not really giving the night before much thought. To me it was a one night stand, or so I thought. Later that night he texted requesting for me to go over to his place again. Naturally, because I find I’m addicted to him ( or certain parts of him anyways), I went. Then things just started to go down hill from there. About 5 days after that we literally spent 12 hours a day together 7 days a week. We both started to stay over each other’s places. And we both have stuff at each other’s places, he’s meet whole family, I have not meet any of his. Problem #1: he is still seeing other girls, because it’s a casual relationship as he says. #2 But I’m not “allowed” to see other people. #3 I’ve tried to break things off with him but he insists on keeping me around. I don’t not want to stop seeing him, but he makes it extremely difficult to want to go anywhere near him. I’ve literally told him about 30 reasons as to why we should to stop seeing each other, one main reason is because I developed strong feelings for him. But everytime I try he shuts me down and we end up in bed. We’ve had a big fight about a girl he swears up and down he never saw but since we hide nothing from each other and he gave me his phone pin I checked his phone. When the fight occurred he erased the messages and pretty much I let him have his way, as always. Him knowing about my teue feelings for him makes it easy for him to manipulate me. But I’m the dumb one for always running back when he calls or messages. I would like to hear some words of wisdom as to how I can make it clear that “casual” isn’t working for me. Not that I want him to commit or to commit because honestly knowing him now ( how he really is) I know the he is most likely not someone i should waist more time on. But as i said I’m not ready to let him go either. Meeting online isn’t a bad thing at all. The red flags for me are: 1) You have unequal freedoms within the relationship 2) You want out but feel unable to enforce your boundaries It’s casual dating for him, and a serious relationship for you. If we were in session together, my questions for you would be: What are you getting out of this relationship? When you’re frustrated and experiencing negative feelings, what parts of you are experiencing positive feelings? You are perfectly capable of doing differently, but you choose to let him have his way – what does this provide for you? I let myself, that’s the real problem. I don’t cry about it, I’m pretty emotionally unattached to him, it’s more as if I’ve grown to be accepting of the fact the he is part of my life (for now, anyways). To be completely honest i believe the reason from me letting him.have his way is because I’m lazy to been put up a fight, I’d rather just avoid anything that has to do with confrontation. From the beginning I agreed to the way things are now. There aren’t much benefits coming my way, except for the time we spend together. Which is another issue. He told me that in all the time he’s been seeing girls that our so called friendship/relationship is the closest he’s come to real boyfriend/girlfriend relationship ever, which kind of makes me feel not special but sad for him. He also said that he can’t let me go because I’m his only girl friend he’s ever had. Even if we took the physical part out of the mix he’d still want me around. I did, however, stop being so dependent on him it’s been about 2 weeks that we’ve really not hung out due to me not texting. He’s been the one calling and texting me. Also this just happened yesterday, I hadn’t texted him in about a week, so he sent me a message letting me know he was going out of town. I thought it’s not my business really, what he’s up to so why do i need to know this. He said because he just wanted to let me know in case of an emergency or something like that. But he keeps me involved in his life and although he doesn’t want to commit he speaks of long term plans for us being together for future events ie: December is months away but he has plans for us already. Message: hi ryan, i met this guy on tinder 5 months ago he lives 2 hours from me. I went into this as a very casual relationship as he did, we have such a great time together,and we both were so excited to see each other when he came to visit! I realized i was getting very close with him in the past few months,but never brought it up in conversation,although there were little things mentioned from him,as in we should go here or there,ie concerts,vacation etci went with those ideas of course.then last time he visited,he told me that he had started talking to someone else, as he wanted a more serious relationship! I was devastated, hit me like a punch in the stomach! At that point i told him,i was possibly falling in love with himhe was shocked to hear this, said he was now confused,and thought i was only looking for casual, he is correct about that!! Should i have said something sooner about my feelings toward him? He now wants to see me next week as friends, said he really likes me a lot,and wants to stay friends(without the benefits).that he has the best time when he’s with me!! He keeps saying, that if he lived here or i,where he lives,it would work,but because he has kids and lives far away he dosen’t see a chance for a relationship!!when he informed me of this break up,he asked” would you move close to me?” to which i replied no!! Oh what to do? Such a great guy!! A genuine case of paths going in different directions. Think of your life like train tracks, and you travelling along them. A great relationship is when two sets of tracks converge and run parallel. As soon as someone else’s tracks move away from yours, you really have to strain to keep holding on to them. Strain too hard, and you derail your own ride to join another person’s. You know what you want to do. If you don’t want to move there, don’t. Enjoy what you’ve had together and remember the positives. You might like this post I wrote on break ups. Hi, so I have been with this guy for 5 months now. When we first met we agreed that we didnt want to get into a relationship and we wanted companionship. However, we became intimate on our third hangout. I didn’t feel right about this because it felt that I was just there for the sex. When I asked him what it meant he said its just sex and he wanted to quit and we did call it off. After a week, he comes by my place and says he is sorry and that he really likes me, he told me how he was badly hurt by his last girlfriend and he stopped dating for 2 years as his mom told him to focus on graduating but he did have one night stands. 2 weeks later he asks me to meet his mom because he tells his mom everything and she knows about all his gf and not his one-night stands. When he wanted to be intimate after that, I told him that its going to lead to me liking him eventually and he said he was fine with that. We became fb friends and all his friends knew me compared to the first few months. He buys me gifts, pay for me and compliments me. However, 1) I am not sure if I am still there because of the sex? Also, recently I came across a fb message of his with another girl.In July the girl says she miss having sex with him and he says he misses that “smashing tits”, however this was before I met his mom and it didnt progress to anything serious (I hope). He still talks to her now (August) but there wasnt anything sexual, she did say Love as her last message. I know this was not right on my part to be looking at his fb messages. 2) I just need to know if this guy is just playing me? Also, 3) I am Asian and hes Caucasian and I dont know if sex comes first because its the other way around from where I come from. I know I dont want to jump into a serious a relationship right now, I want to get to know him first but being intimate with him makes it hard. How do I not be intimate without making him feel like I dont like him? How do I make him understand that I want to get to know him before? Thanks a bunch! No way to know if he’s playing you. That’s the scary part about relationships, you can never truly know someone’s intentions. Look at his actions – do they point towards genuine interest? Well, if you’d like to have sex-free casual dating then a serious a relationship with sex, explain that to him. Let him know you’re into him and are OK with casual dating, but you don’t want to have frequent sex until you’re in a serious relationship together. Let him know it’s nothing about him, just a cultural difference between the two of you. Hi Ryan, So here’s the deal I’ve been with my guy since May 2014, it started off great and thought it was going somewhere. Then I found out about other girls and there are lots of them,but I’m not his gf, but I get extremely jealous and ask questions eye and he doesn’t like it. Then there was a period where he was talking to his ex again, he’s not over her at all and she plays games with him. As of late, we fight constantly and I can’t seem to leave him alone Bc I feel like he’s always with other girls. So we fight and he’ll say we are never gonna be together, he can’t see it, etc etc. But yet he always wants me around and the minute I’m distant with him and refuse to put up with the crap he’s all over me. I love him and wanna be with him I just don’t know how to turn it around. Sorry if this is sloppy I tried to spark note a year and 4 months worth of stuff. Hope you can help. Hi Ryan, I’m dating a guy who seems like he’s interested in me but I’m also afraid I might be blind to the obvious. I started seeing him in early July and since then our routine has been to see each other about two times a week. We both have kids so our free time is limited. He is always the one to ask when in available next to see him. We go out on dates and also spend the night at each others house. He has never said anything like he doesn’t want a relationship. I went with him at his request to help him pick out furniture for his place. He’s very affectionate and frequently does things like kiss me in public. What I don’t like: he texts me maybe once a day and rarely calls unless he wants to see me. He hasn’t really gotten on a deeper level with me as far as revealing personal things about himself. Last week I made the mistake of asking him where things were going. He basically said it was a little early to tell but that he thought I was cool and fun and a good woman and that “we’re in a good place”. I was pretty embarrassed that I had asked and yeah kinda mad that I didn’t get the answer I wanted. So I withdrew a bit and he responded by checking to see if was OK and if everything was “good”. Also (unprompted) he told me he was sorry for being so busy and not texting or calling much but it didn’t mean he wasn’t thinking about me. Also he said he wanted me to know he did care and wasn’t in it for just ” surface fun”. We spent this Monday night and last night together. This is only the second time he’s spent two consecutive days with me. My problem: I think he should know after two months if he wants to be exclusive or not. So I’m tempted to just cut him loose but my male coworkers are telling me I’m jumping the gun. I’m I just being impatient? How much time should I give him? I think your male coworkers are right. He’s making an effort to see you, showing affection publicly, he texts you every day, and calls to make plans with you. I don’t see any reason you’d be embarrassed, he gave you a positive response and on top of that apologized for being busy and reassured you he’s thinking about you. I’m a bit worried based on the things you’ve said here. Is there a reason that you doubt this guy despite all these sign posts pointing to the fact that he really likes you? Rough experiences with guys before? You say you’re upset he isn’t sure about exclusivity, but the question you asked is “Where are things going?” Has he made it clear he’s seeing other people? Unless I’m misreading your post in a huge way, I see absolutely no reason why you’d cut this man loose. Thanks for answering, Ryan. No, he hasn’t made it clear that he’s seeing other people. But I’ve always heard that unless he’s made it clear that you are exclusive, assume that he’s dating others. Yes, I’ve had bad experiences with men. So I definitely have trust issues and don’t want to get hurt again. I almost texted him something crazy yesterday because he said he couldn’t see me this weekend due to the fact that his kids’ mother was going out of town and I automatically assumed he was lying. But then he told me he would get his kids again next weekend to make sure he and I stay on the same custody schedule. Then he did something he never does, which was to call me and just chat for about half an hour and he also snuck in a little “Are you good?” as if to make sure I wasn’t mad or something. Even as I write this, I realize how paranoid my thoughts are. Almost is better than did. You know what it takes a lot to say “Yeah, I’m being paranoid”. If one part of you realizes the truth, that part of you can bring up the rest to a healthy level. Awareness is the first step, and being able to acknowledge how you feel and not beat yourself up over it is next. From there, question your anxious thoughts when they come up. Use a psychological technique like reframing (www.ryananswers.com/cognitive-reframing) to change your thoughts one by one, and over time, your entire mindset. I’m happy to hear he chatted with you and is making an effort. I hope things keep going in the right direction! I have a slightly different take. I think yes, two months is a short time to be asking about getting serious. You’re still getting to know each other and it’s as much about you deciding whether you like him as it is him deciding about you. However, I think you’re totally within your rights to clarify sexual exclusivity. I won’t go to be with someone unless I know they’re not sleeping with anyone else. That’s just a basic first step for me. My rule of thumb is to raise it the date before you think your’e going to go home with him. That way you haven’t emotionally invested. The last guy i was in a relationship with was seeing someone casually who didn’t want anything more, and was more than happy to make things exclusive between us. There’s a big difference between that and then the relationship progressing to committing serious and committed. And indeed, we didn’t last the distance, unfortunately. But I had no anxieties about infidelity while it lasted. Hope that helps. I’ve been dating this guy for a year and 4 months. We have great conversation and he seems to be a good guy. I can never have the talk about elevating to the next level without him getting uptight, or just simply ignoring the question as a whole. 6 months into us dating he started opening up about past relationships and they all from what I heard have been a waste of his time, and he basically doesn’t trust women. He goes on to say he’s not ready for a relationship but his actions show different. Tonight I asked him if he dated other women and his response blew me away. He said that he isn’t dating “nobody” and he has friends but nothing serious. So it made me think, I wasn’t anything serious. He then goes on to say that I always do this, and he didn’t want to have the conversation because I’m not going to get the response I’m looking for because we’ve already had this discussion. He goes on to say there are no titles, we are what we are. I was pretty upset at this point and to end the conversation he says, One day you might get a response, but let him do that, he says he understands what I want, but I know where he stands. Asking “bogus” questions like that create nothing but problems. Every time we have had the conversation, I always end up saying Im done and ignore him for a few days and he blows me up and acts as if he doesn’t want me to leave. It’s annoying! Why do men find it so hard to commit? Then when the woman is fed up, it’s like they beg us to stay? What should I do? I really like him, I’ve never had any issues with him in regards to other women, and we bond really well! I’m out of solutions, Can you give me some advice? He isn’t dating anyone, he has friends but nothing serious. To me, he’s saying “(aside from you) I’m not dating anyone” and got angry because he’s trying to provide reassurance and you aren’t accepting it. If by the definition of a relationship, you have a relationship, he acts like he’s in a relationship, you do the things people in relationships do, then the argument becomes about titles. Some people hate the idea of labels because they feel it’ll change things. Maybe he doesn’t want to commit, but after a year and 4 months of only dating you I find that hard to believe. I wouldn’t say men have a hard time committing, I’d say people who have trust issues have a hard time committing. As long as you’re there, he’s happy. He feels safe when you’re at a distance. As soon as you leave, he gets scared. He wants you there but not close enough that you can hurt him. Guess you have a choice to make: do you want a guy who will call you his girlfriend, or this guy? It sucks that he runs hot and cold on you, but you also run hot and cold on him. Stop relying on him to make up his mind and make up yours. If you don’t want to deal with a guy who won’t talk about having a serious relationship, won’t call you his girlfriend, and in general emotionally shuts you out, don’t go back to him when he texts you. Appreciate him for the positive things he has to offer and let him know he’s a good guy but you want someone who’s trusting, open, and ready to commit. Hello Ryan, I’ve been seeing this guy for almost two months, we agreed it would be casual because he didn’t want a relationship and because I got out of a serious relationship. The thing is he starts acting like we are something more and now I’m a bit confused. Firstly, he gets jealous when I hang out with male friends, he says he doesn’t want a relationship however he wants to be exclusive. He recently is very sweet wants to cuddle after sex and also he does little things for me everyday that show he wants more. The problem is I don’t want to feel something more and then ruin this thing we have going on, however if he does all those things how can I not? Do you think he is changing his mind or maybe this is the kind of guy he is? It sounds like his definition of casual dating is a bit different than yours. Your basic biology is what’s creating that feeling, so there’s nothing you can do there you’re absolutely right that it’ll naturally turn into a serious relationship going down that road. Ask him straight up what’s going on. Just say what you said here “I know we talked about keeping it casual, but if things keep going the way they’re going I feel like it’s going to develop into a serious thing.” See what he has to say. Maybe he changed his mind, maybe he doesn’t think the things he’s doing would cause things to go from casual to serious. Hi, I’ve been seeing this guy for a really short time (3 weeks). We met through a mutual friend. On the first date, we were really open and honest and said we could tell each other everything. We even browsed our Tinder profiles together. He was really honest and open and told me stuff even his best friends don’t know about. At first, I wanted to take it slow and really see if we fit, but things went crazy intense really fast. In 3 weeks, we saw each other 9-10 times. When I sleep at his place, he leaves for work and I let myself out later. We have toothbrushes at each other’s place and he left clothes at my place. And he even implied I could go wait for him to come home at his place next Sunday. He’s a true gentleman and he is very very nice and thoughtful and cuddly when we are together, so I’m falling fast and I’m completely scared. Because things got intense real fast, I stopped logging into my Tinder account about a week and a half ago. But 3 days ago, he added one of my friends (without knowing) on an app (POF). He hasn’t messaged her or tried to make contact. But the fact that he might still be “shopping around” scares me because I don’t want to develop feelings for someone who isn’t ready to let go of the “multiple” dating scene. He has only been single for 6 months and before we met, I know he hooked up with A LOT of girls. He might even be somewhat addicted to dating apps. He was casually seeing someone on and off this summer for 3 months and at some point he was seeing other girls as well. When she said she was getting attached, they cut it off. I want to know if he is considering seeing other girls or if he just goes on this app out of habit or boredom. I don’t want to put any pressure on us. I want things to develop naturally and see if we can take it further when the time is right. But I am not comfortable with the idea of us seeing other people. I feel things got so intense that even if this is very recent, we are past the non-exclusive stage. How should I approach this? I don’t want to scare him off or come across as too intense. And I don’t want there to be any pressure as to where this is going. I am afraid the “exclusivity” talk will make him back out. Thank you for your advice. Reading your articles and the comments/answers is really helpful in putting things into perspective. As for me and my guy, circumstances led us to have a good long talk. Mostly, the app is just a habit to pass time. I feel it’s also some sort of protection because he fears disappointing people so he’d rather prevent any expectations by agreeing early on to be exclusive. We did agree to be 100% honest with each other though. He says he’s not looking nor interested in looking, but if anything happens, he will tell me because I deserve to have all the information to decide if I want to keep going or call it quits. I met his friends last week and his aunt and uncle this week. Knowing he’ll be honest with me (he was with everything else so I trust he still will), I will wait a while so we get a chance to really see where this goes. It’s rare to find someone you can really be this open and comfortable with. It’s worth the try, even if I might get hurt. [Any women are welcome to add their input to my response here] She probably did. Casual dating can be frustrating, and most girls won’t tell you they want you to make a move. Not with words, anyway. Being alone at her place to “watch a movie” is your green light to take the relationship further; if you don’t she’ll probably assume you aren’t interested or are too shy to make a move. If transitioning feels awkward, it probably is. You can’t go from not holding hands, flirting, being playful, to suddenly making out. It feels weird. Set the tone early in the interaction and it won’t feel as uncomfortable. Think of it like a natural progression. If she’s cool with you touching her hand, then putting your arm around her shoulder, resting your hand on her leg when you’re sitting down, she’s probably OK with you kissing her. Eye contact for longer than a couple of seconds is usually an invitation, but if you’re *really* shy you can reach up and move her hair behind her ear as a final test. If she doesn’t move, you’re in. Hi Ryan, I was seeing this guys for 6 months. From the start he said he wasn’t looking for anything serious as he’d just gotten out of a serious relationship. So we did the casual thing for a while, but after a bit the relationship seemed to have changed. We started doing couply things in public like hold hands and kiss in front of our friends and near our workplace, we go on cute dates and always have a blast, he compliments me basically every 5 minutes when we’re together, and we can’t keep our hands off each other. So after seeing him once/twice a week consistently for six months, I asked him whether we could be exclusive and that’s when he hit me again with the “I’m not ready for a relationship” line. Since then I’ve said well, maybe it’s best we break it off then, and he respected that. But I really like him and we are so happy together. What should I do? Hi Ryan, So I’ve been talking to this woman. I’m 27 and she’s 35. We met through work a couple years ago and as of right now, it’s all long distance. She and I hit it off pretty good a couple months ago and had a real connection. She bought plane tickets to come see me even! (she’s going to be here in less than a week) She calls me and texts me every day, multiple times a day. She regularly uses various terms of endearments with me such as, “babe,” “baby,” “my love,” “sayang,” etc. She tells me she wants me and that she’s mine and I’m hers and has said to me, “Babe, you know that you got me,” shortly after we’re intimate. Where things fall apart? I have found a pattern but last month and this month, a week or so before her menstrual cycle, she gets very anxious and uncaring and usually ends up having an unwarranted conversation with me telling me that this isn’t going to last, she doesn’t want anything serious, she wants to keep it casual, and that it will eventually end and to enjoy it while it lasts. She’s pretty cold when she does this. Then, a day or two after that, it’s almost like it’s back to normal. So, I don’t know what to think or do. I want something serious and she knows it. I’ve told her I’m okay with taking things slow; this entire time I’ve only ever followed her lead. But I also make it clear I don’t want things to end. When she’s not having that kind of week where she’s cold and unaffectionate, it’s truly amazing between us. We get close emotionally, real close. So I’m just confused is all. How should I continue? Should I pull away? Should I act as though nothing has changed and keep on keepin’ on? There’s a chance she could have PMDD (Pre-Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder), which is basically a super severe form of PMS that causes all sorts of issues. Read up on a bit, and if it seems to describe what’s happening it might be worth having a conversation about. What is definitely worth having a conversation about is what’s happening. No one deserves to endure a roller coaster of emotions, the ups and downs of not knowing whether or not you have a secure relationship is extremely stressful. It can develop into different forms of anxiety and can even continue into other relationships should this one not work out. Let her know what’s happening and that you’re hurting as a result of it. Ask if there’s anything you can do to help. Hi there, I will try to make this as succinct as possible. I met a guy not long after my divorce. We met online but discovered we had many mutual friends. He has been divorced for about 4 years. We’ve been dating for 9 months. We have discussed exclusivity. Neither one of us is dating anyone else. About 5 months in, I got upset because he was only seeing me once a week. I got frustrated and ended things. He contacted me the next day to say he was confused and wanted to discuss in person. We went out to dinner at which point I explained that I was confused. Did he want to casually date or was he looking for serious? He said he wanted to casually date but eventually become serious. I asked how he felt about me dating other people, he said he couldn’t tell me what to do but didn’t really want that. I made the decision to keep seeing only him. Here we are almost 10 months in on the same path. We have gone on trips together, discuss the future, text all day every day, have met some of each others friends, etc. But we are still only seeing each other once a week, sometimes less due to a few different life issues. I’ve brought up that I don’t know how we could really be getting to know each other via text and build a future only seeing each other once a week. He says he feels we know each other well but that he agrees we need to work on seeing each other more. I should mention that we both have demanding jobs and when he was on vacation, I saw him several times that week. Since he said we needed to make seeing each other more a priority, it hasn’t happened. I don’t know what to do. I’ve voiced my opinion, he’s seemed to agree. I’ve said scary things like I see a future and want to work towards that and he hasn’t run away screaming. I just cant tell if this guy is a commitment phobe or if it truly is just his regimented work schedule. He has mentioned several times that he doesn’t invest quickly. That he’s dated a lot of women for a few months here and there (never more than 6 months) and feels he’s wasted a lot of time because he saw no future with them. His marriage was long and didn’t end because of a lack of love. He wants to get married again and have children. I’m 34 and want kids. I just don’t want to waste more time on this guy if there isn’t a future. He has ended so many relationships that I cant see him sticking around if he didn’t see us going anywhere. Basically I am massively confused. It doesn’t matter what he says or what his intentions are, if he isn’t able to offer you what you’re looking for then the ball is in your court. If you’re at the point where you don’t want to waste time casually dating and are ready for a serious relationship with marriage and kids, he needs to know that. If he already does and isn’t following through, let me know you don’t want to continue things if he’s unwilling to follow through on his promises. At 40 and 34 you’re by no means at the end of your rope, you still have time. The question you need to ask yourself is how much longer are you willing to put up with seeing this guy once a week? Hi Ryan I really need your expert advice on this guy I’m really interested in. I met him online though a non-hookup site and from day one I had made it clear to him that I wanted a long term committed relationship. He reassured me that he did too. Due to our busy schedules we didn’t meet until nearly a month after however we used to talk on the phone and text everyday. From his conversations I could tell that he was interested in sex only and I told him several times that that’s fine if he wants that but I’m not looking for it thus wished him luck and said my goodbye. Then he insisted that we meet and I’ll find out that he is also interested in a long term relationship, so we did. After we met, 4 days later of no communication, he said that he realized that he wasn’t ready for a relationship and really would like to casually date me. I told him No and we said our Goodbyes. A month after that he contacted me again with a new proposal. The proposal being that he really likes me and would like to have an “exclusive physical relationship” with me whereby we are both exclusively “seeing each other” (not even sure if i can say ‘seeing each other’ because it’s purely physical) and we won’t date other people. I was flabbergasted by this proposal. I’ve had people ask me to casually date or just hookup but it’s understood that we are free to see others; but never this! To top that off he keeps insisting that he really likes me and he thinks of me all the time and that he wants to see where this goes but for now let’s start off with this exclusive physical relationship. I told him ‘No thank you’ and not to contact me ever again. Did i do the right thing? I really like him and i haven’t felt any chemistry as i do with him. Hence I’m here! Thank you in advance for your advice! Hi Ryan – I am in love with my best friend, oops. ? My best friend is a male and I am female. I have fallin in love with him but he is having a hard time getting over his ex and doesn’t see me that way. He has told me he does not see a relationship but he does love me and hopes we can stay good friends. We hang out most every night by his doing. Since he said he didn’t want a relationship I backed way off. He text/calls me every day and we hangout nearly every night. If something comes up that either of us wants to do we just know we are going together. Yes, he knows how I feel. What I would like help with is changing how I feel so we can remain best friends. I want him to be happy and he deserves to be. I don’t want to hold him back. I worry that if I don’t change how I feel when he does decide to date I won’t be able to stay his friend and I will loose him. What should I do? Tough situation! Everyone has needs, ranging from shelter to intimacy. If your needs for intimacy are inadvertently being met by your platonic friend, your brain is going to trigger emotions as though he was your intimate partner. Our brains default programming isn’t very good, unfortunately. The way to counter this is by redirecting your intimate needs somewhere else. You need to correct your brain so it knows its efforts at romance with your friend aren’t what you need or want. Try dating casually with other guys, spend some time hanging out with other guys in a platonic way, cut back on the time spent with him in boyfriend/girlfriend situations. I have been friends with a colleague for four years and was shocked when he told me during an afternoon cocktail hour that he wanted to sleep with me. Under “a 3-beer” influence, I told him that “I could see sleeping with him too.’ That was a year ago, and we have had an awesome time since then together, both in bed and in everything we do together. We see each other at lunch or outside of work at least 2 times a week, and on most weekends. He has a key to my house and I have his garage door opener. He’s left his dog’s stuff at my house and I have bathroom shit at his. He tells me he loves me and I am head over heels. He’s attentive and sweet and usually has his credit card out so fast that I have to insist on paying sometimes. That said, he compares me a lot with his ex. She is always the school marm and I’m hot, or adventurous. He told me that he stayed with her because of the life, friends and home that they built together. He said it made him feel like a hedonist because he sometimes feels like he should have just settled for a lifestyle – one that has now drastically changed. This weekend we traveled to Seattle together, and on our way back we got to talking about this. I told him that I don’t want to build a relationship around a lifestyle, I want a lifestyle built around love. He avoided a direct response and without looking me in the eye mentioned that his situation with his ex wasn’t right then changed the subject. The subject came up again at dinner and he basically said the same. I don’t get why he keeps talking about her even if its in very unflattering terms. Most everything that he does and says seems sincere and loving, but his regular references to his past relationship and life leave me wondering if he’s really ready to move on. Just want to first say that I really enjoy your site, it’s one of he few balanced dating sites out there with thoughtful, non-cookie cutter advice. I’ve been seeing a guy since the end of June. We met on an online site and we chatted for a bit before exchanging info. From the beginning he’s been aware that my intentions were to date but ultimately I’m looking a serious relationship and he’s said he’s dating but open to a relationship. I almost ignored him because his profile didn’t say he was looking for a relationship but after chatting and being clear about what I want and what he wants it was clear to me that a relationship is something he’s open to and that he want marriage and children eventually. His profile also said (he answered a question in a series of questions on his profile) he wants the next relationship to be the last ideally. We met and really hit it off he’d call and text consistently and we get along great, similar sense of humor, similarities in personality and relationships with family and similar wants out of life. We have gone on dates (still do) he waited til our fourth date to kiss me though he showed other types of intimacy and he never pressured sex. That happened some weeks after our fourth date. I know by he way he treats me that he’s not only after sex, we don’t spend all of our time indoors, we go out in public, we cuddle without him initiating sex, every encounter doesn’t end in sex, he spends quality time even when I’m on my period (lol), we go to the gym together, etc. I’ve also met his parents though I feel that may be more due to circumstance than something significant. My issue is that lately he’s becoming less consistent. He’s also flaked on me a couple times lately. He usually has a valid excuse work or being tired due to work but it still hurts. I knew in the beginning things would be somewhat difficult. We live about a 25-35min drive away (on a good day) and our work schedules are conflicting. He typically works mon-fri overnight, sometimes Saturdays and sleeps during the day. His off days are usually Saturday and Sunday. I have a retail schedule they isn’t always the same and I often work weekends. I often feel unsure if his occasional inconsistency is due to our schedules or something else. When we are together I know he likes me and cares for meI can feel it. I can see it in his smile, feel it in the way he caresses my face, hear it in the way he laughs at my jokes and feel it in the way we sometimes almost mirror each other’s quirks. We’re getting to know each other in a way that resembles some of my closest friendships. Even over the phone he’s attentive, we can talk for hours and he remembers things I say, stories I tell and things about my family. I know something is there but whenever I feel him drawing nearer to me he pulls back some. I’m ok with taking our time, but nearly every moment of vulnerability on his part is met with distance. I deleted my profile several weeks to a couple months in, but his still remains (more on his later). At times in the beginning he’d mention the future, make ‘we’ statements, and even called me his girlfriend a couple times. But when I asked him about it he’d make remarks like, my gf doesn’t have casual talks (with guys)this was after I told him I’m still casually talking to people (in the beginning when we both still had profiles) to which I replied that I didn’t realize he was that serious about me. That particular conversation didn’t go very far and I decided to continue to take things slowly with him. About a month ago, we were together and laying in bed talking and again HE was talking about the futurethings he’s like to to together, how amazing he thought I was and how beautiful he thought I was. The next day we were on the couch laying together and he whispers in my ear that he wants me to be his lady. I didn’t respond immediately because i remembered how I felt when he called me his GF a couple times and backed out. After a little silence I talked about it and let him know what my expectations are as far as a relationship and he backed out again. He said he’s not ready for that level of commitment yet because he still has reservations. I pryed a bit and asked him what his reservations were and he claimed that our difference in religion is something he needs time to really consider. He’s a serious Christ followerhis whole family is religious and I’m not a believer. I can’t help but think it’s something else, but he assured me that everything thing between us is great, we’re a perfect fit except that one thing. He said he needed a month to think things through and I remarked that I didn’t think a timetable was necessary. Fast forward a month later and he’s still not ready. He claims the religion thing is still the main issue but that we need to actually have a conversation about it instead of him coming to his own conclusions about my values. He also mentioned not wanting to disappoint anyone by committing too soon or going back on promises/commitments. So I asked if he’d rather just be friends to which he replied “that would be weird” and I asked if FWB is what he prefers, he said no. At this point I’m just confused and I wish I hadn’t asked about the relationship. Things were cool between us, but because of pressure from friends I HAD to bring it up again and now the uncertainty is getting to me. I cried on the way home but since then we’re spent time together and we’re keeping our plans for a staycation for my birthdayhe’s even requested the time off. We went to the gym on Monday together and spent the rest of the day together. I noticed him making more effort to get to know me on a deeper level, asking me situational questions which turned into the two of us spending a couple hours asking each other questions and being more open than we have in the past. We talked about our fears our futures what we want out of life etc., and over all it was a good interaction. We didn’t focus on the relationship but genuinely getting to know each other. Of course there is so much more to learn, but when we parted ways I felt closer to him as a friend, which is nice. The next time I saw him was yesterday when he picked me up from the airport in the am after work. He didn’t stay long and his interaction seemed distant. He may have been tired, but now I’m concerned he’s back to his pulling away. I gave him a book on a topic he’s expressed interest in several times, he thanked me and gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. He asked when I’m free this upcoming week and asked if I wanted to do something tues. I told him to make concrete plans and let me know. He hugged me but didn’t initiate a kiss on the lips and that felt odd. Everything is confusing at this point and I’ve decided to pull back a bit to see if he’ll fill in the gap. I’m also at the point where I feel I should date other guys and keep my options open. I’ve typed a lot! LolI guess I’m just wondering what you make of this situation. Am I wasting my time or should I continue to be patient. What advice would you give me? It’s nice hearing positive feedback. Check this out, specifically the part about fearful-avoidant attachment: Sounds like he’s got some hang ups about a serious relationship, and he might not be telling the whole truth. It’s possible this is because he’s unaware of the whole truth, and is having an inner conflict under his level of awareness. Or maybe he’s just flakey. I definitely don’t know, but hopefully with the info I linked you to, you’ll have a better idea. If you want a serious relationship and he’s not willing, casual dating is certainly an option. I’d give him the courtesy of a heads up though. Let him know the stuff you told me here about how he seems to be hot and cold, and if he doesn’t commit, at least you gave a whole hearted effort. Ive been speaking to a guy for almost two months. It started very slowly since i was dating others when we met. Ive stopped dating other guys because frankly i dont feel comfortable and my memory is terrible at multi tasking and i get my facts confused between the guys!. I decided to really just pay attention to him because he is really cool and i get a really good vibe from him. So far we’ve had 5 dates in 5 weeks. The thing is im use to a guy being vocal and not having to guess how interested he is. (im dating outside of my comfort zone and usual type). We have great dates which are fun and though he reveals personal information about himself (family, work.etc) he never asks anything personal about me. The modern smart girl assumed at first he may just want to keep things casual and simple.ie. Maybe just wants sex. We did actually sleep together on date 3 because the physical chemistry was so intense. We didnt hang out again till a week later and barely spoke up tp then. Naturally i was in full remorce mode. Then i figured well if this guy got what he wants and hes done well better i know that now and farewell. But no.he initiated date 4. We hung out at my place and finally some personal questions about my family background and he seemed really engaged into getting to know me better. And no sexjust talked and made out. Two days later made dinner together yay it was fun and we snuggled.(god i sound like a school girl) And then silence all day after. Day after that just a random hello but didnt actually engage far into conversationi tried encouraging but his responses were distant between. So i just cant read him! Just when i feel like were getting closer and on cloud 9 his distance makes me wonder if were on the same page. Tempted to tell myself “he’s into you.but not that into you”. He doesnt strike me as a guy who wants to waste time. Hes 35 and closed his online dating profile cause he didnt find serious ppl there until he met me. I come from a school of thought that if a guy is into a girl who is independent, successful, compatible physically, he’ll make it happen to see her and keep in touch daily. My patience with his mixed signals is running thin. Im affraid ill come off too strong if i ask him how he feels and ill be rejected. How do i approach a guy who claims to not be a “sentimental kind of guy”? Whats ur barometer reading of his behavior with me? I dont initiate txts very often but sometimes i do. I feel we keep a pretty even keel. Im affraid he’ll get turned off like i do when men pressure me to define things. The shoes are on my feet now and i suck at this! I welcome all theories. If the only sign of him pulling away isn’t engaging with you over text, I think you’re over analyzing. Sounds like he likes you and wants more than just casual dating. Where are you getting this idea that a guy who’s interested will keep in touch daily? If you have an expectation like that, it needs to be communicated. Otherwise, he could be off doing whatever thinking things are going great meanwhile you’re over here thinking he’s not interested and getting impatient with him. I get the fear of turning someone off. That’s a scary part about relationships, but it’s not ever going to go away. If you want a satisfying serious relationship sometimes that means talking about what you want. If someone is turned off by that conversation, they aren’t ready for a relationship. I would greatly appreciate some advice. I’ll try to make this short (lol!) So I was in a domestic violence relationship for a year, when I left, I was at my lowest, I felt worthless. I quickly found someone new to lean on, who pushed me for sex and I did to get over my prior relationship, it Only happened a couple times, I knew this guy was bad news. He was using me. I went on a date with somebody else and to cut a long Story short we ended up being In a relationship, we’ve been together 6 months now, I live with him, we are really happy. BUT I recently confessed to him tht I had slept with this guy between my last relationship and him. I had lied previously And said I hadmt, because we would see the guy Around and I felt so ashamed of the casual fling that I lied and told my Boyfriend we had only kissed. Any who, he knows now, but he feels SO betrayed and says he loves me and wants to work through this but he doesn’t feel like ‘the man’ anymore, it’s affecting his performance at work, he has no motivAtion anymore. I don’t know how to help him. On top of this What I still haven’t told him is that the guy and I had a sexual encounter even after my boyfriend and I first started meeting up. I was confused and didn’t know if I wanted a relationship with him at the time, but after the last sexual encounter with the casual hook up Guy I realised I didn’t want that, I wanted to Fully commit to my now boyfriend. So a week after the last sexual encounter (me and my now boyfriend at thois point were already telling eachother we really liked each other and felt really strong for eachother), about a week later my now boyfriend and I first slept together and confirmed our relationship as official. I know if he knew these details of the timeline, he would leave me for sure. But we see a future together. Should I feel guilty? What should I do? Can this still work if I keep this a secret? I told my dad and he said leave it alone, move on, you guys weren’t pfficial and you were still figuring your head out: but I know my boyfriend wouldn’t be able to forgive me if he knew.i never felt guilty up until a month ago, I think because he kept telling me how pure honest and wonderful our relationship was, and I felt it wrong not to tell him I slept with the guy. Now I feel guilty everyday for this last bit of info, I’m worried I’ll never stop feeling guilty or that deep down our relationship is a lie because if he knew he wouldn’t want to be with me, but I see a lifetime with this guy, he is my best friend he treats me like a queen and I treat him like my king, please help me! One final thought. We never said we were exclusive at this point, but we were saying we meant a lot To eachother and saw this going a long way etc. Right After the sexual encounter I realised I knew what I wanted and I texted my now boyfriend and said I am all yours nobody else’s, And although I was on a trip with the casual sex guy at the time, nothing further happened with him because I decided I wanted to full heartedly pursue my now boyfriend. What are your thoughts on that for exclusivity? And what are your thoughts if I can accept this set of events and keep it to myself, but my boyfriend would not be able to? Is it then still okay to keep it to myself even if I know he would not have the same opinion as me? I am 53, he is 58. Been together 1 1/2 yrs. He is wonderful. But does not want to committ totally. He really does not want to be with me as much as I want to be with him.This hurts me. He is busy and an serious hunter. During hunting season, he travels to hunt- he hunts all day, eats, dreams- lives hunting! So I try to deal with this, but I asked him if I could stop by wed. And it was like oh- okay.(like I was forcing) but he was making me diner tommmorrow and acted like I should wait. I feel uncomfortable with this because in my past relationships- we just always hung out naturally and I didnt have to ask. I know he wont marry and I am kind of okay with this. Our wills and children make it so moving in together is not a good idea. I admit, I am insecure. I try to stay busy. I seem to have fallen into being his “beck and call”- but he doesnt do the same. He is a true gentleman. Opens my doors, is always nice, compliments me etc. But why do I feel like there is not a 100% committment? We are intimate and it is very good. He is the best man I ever me- but I still feel like something is missing. He is serious but wants to keep it casual. I dont need marriage just more “natural comfort in his time” Please advise. I was in a similar situation with my boyfriend until recently. I would ask about plans and he would usually have the yes/no power. Finally, a few weeks ago he told me he needed his private time but still wanted to be with me. I was hurt by the comment and obsessed about how to deal with it to the point that I became an emotional mess and was afraid that if i talked to him, i’d overwhelm him and drive him away. I ended up talking to him on the phone and it was awful. I started and instantly burst into tears. Wow, I thought afterward, you really f****’d that up. Not so, but I did realize that i hated feeling unsecure and decided that the next conversation i would lay my own needs on the table and be willing to walk away if he didn’t at least give me something back that would help my anxiety. It took a week of talking to myself to get to this point. At the next meeting, it turns out he was rattled by our previous conversation. I kept my head and listened to him. He also did that for me and we came up wirh a solution that we are happy with. He also told me that he is committed to just me. That was huge. If he didn’t I was not going to throw away months or years in limbo (like my friend did – who had a “gentleman” too and is now wishing she hadnt been such a “gentlewoman” about her own needs.) Talk to this guy or live in limbo – Your choice. “Talk to this guy or live in limbo – Your choice.” Solid advice for the majority of comments on this article. I think people ask for advice when they know what to do, but hope they’re wrong. Talking and expressing your needs is scary – the other person may not reciprocate. If they don’t, it’s not a good relationship for you. It’s tempting to blame yourself or think something is wrong with you, but there’s nothing wrong with wanting love, security, and affection. If someone else doesn’t want to provide those things, there’s no point in spending months or years of your life waiting for them to change. Hello Ryan I’ve been dating this guy for about 2-3 months now, I met him through a friend. He’s been single for 3 1/2 years and was married for 10 years he is now divorced, he’s only had 2 or 3 long term relationships in his life and he is in his mid 30’s. He’s a very nice guy, I’ve never met someone normal, when we met he told me he was not looking into getting into a relationship but there was something about me. He has 3 children from his marriage and he says he lives for his children which is a great quality. Now that a little time has gone by he says that he can see us perhaps turning into something more, however he wants to take his time and make sure that the step he’s going to take is for certain, he says he’s the type of guy, especially at this age if he is going to make someone his gf its for the long run and marriage is definitely involved as well. He calls me every morning and night and we see each other almost every weekend sometimes during the week but he works late. I’ve met his closes friends already and he includes me in whatever he has going on. I have brought up to him a few times about us being in a relationship, he says I am use to moving fast and he wants to take his time, that he isn’t seeing no one else but me and I am not either. However I am afraid of getting hurt and him just stringing me along and nothing coming out of this. I want to settle down and he knows this he tells me he doesn’t want me to leave him because I want to rush things. This guy hasn’t done anything for me to doubt him or question his trust, he hasn’t disappeared on me or lied to me, he’s been open and honest with everything, and the time we spend together is always amazing. But how long should I wait to know if this is real or not? I’ve been casually talking to a guy for two months now, and I feel like its going no where. At first he would blow up my phone with text messages through out the day and every once in awhile would ask to go on a date and I would come up with excuses as I have work ect, then finally I was like you know what the heck, and turned out to find we couldn’t shut up about 500 topics, and it wasn’t even about ourselves so we continued and we both came to ask one another “what do we want from this?’ we both said to see where it goes not to rush anything. And he admits he does like me, but now it got to he doesn’t text me as much and I understand with work but then he doesn’t call nearly as much as he did in the beginning and at the beginning it was only like once every two weeks now I don’t ever get a call. And hes asked me to meet him friends ive meet his family, ive slept over his house we have not have sex or done things. And in public hell hold my hand or kiss me. Now hes saying he wants to go slow because he doesn’t want to hurt me because of a job he still haven’t applied for in a different state that takes 7-8 months processing. But still talks to me and acts with me like I’m his whole world. I’ve been casually dating a guy that I have known for a few years. I never really saw him that way until he expressed interest in me and now i kind of like him, but its weird because we’ve known each other for so long and now that were dating its kind of awkward lol so like what do talk about know type thing. I kind of want it to stay fun without it losing its feeling because were dating and potential relationship. What should i do to keep it going? Not to mention prior to him i hadnt dated in over a year so this is kind of like starting all over for me. I’ve been casually dating a guy that I have known for a few years. I never really saw him that way until he expressed interest in me and now i kind of like him, but its weird because we’ve known each other for so long and now that were dating its kind of awkward lol so like what do talk about know type thing. I kind of want it to stay fun without it losing its feeling because were dating and potential relationship. What should i do to keep it going? Not to mention prior to him i hadnt dated in over a year so this is kind of like starting all over for me. I also dont want to move too fast where it takes the spunk out too fast as well. Hi, i met somebody on a dating site 3 months ago. Lets just say the way in which we hooked up was purely for sex. How ever i like him a lot. He told me he married your had 3 kids and then divorced from his wife in 2004, He has since had another relationship, but she always accused him of looking at other woman. I do find he gets alot of female attention, the odd text that comes through etc. We see each other once a week and i enjoy his company. He has told me he has reached a stage in his life (his age 53 mine 47) where he is at a Plato and is happy with his life as it is. In his words he said if we get close then the relationship will develop. At the moment i see him once a week and not on Fridays or Saturdays as he prefers to do his own thing. I am looking for a relation where i am happy to see somebody twice a week but im looking for a relationship that could lead into something serious, so do i stay where i am or move on? I’ve met a guy on dating site 5 months ago. We started communicating often then we would text every day and call. Since we live several hours apart it took us a couple months to actually meet each other. We have a great time when we are together. Laugh, go out dinners,movies, mini golf, bowling, comedy shows, etc. But we only see es other ever 2 to 3 weeks for a day or a weekend. We still text almost every day but it seems I’m the one who always starts the conversation. I’m not of any of his social media and when I proposed to be add to one he said ” he rather not mix dating with his social media”. I didn’t take it wrong, but as time passes we started to get intimate and I don’t know if I should talk to him about getting more serious or not. I don’t want to break the fun, but I also don’t want to be a long distance booty call. I understand the 6 hours apart can be challenging but since don’t see each other that often it’s hard to know if he is really interested or not. I want a real relationship, so I’m trying to read the signs but I don’t want to misinterpret. If his not worth it,I’ll move on even when I really like him. What do you think? Advise please. I’ve been in a serious committed long distance relationship for 15 months now with a guy I was friends with for 5 years first. We started dating casually the week of his divorce. His ex wife cheated on him and deeply hurt him deeply. We live an hour apart and spend every weekend together alternating between his place and mine. I have 2 older children, he has none. We took things very slow. Not even becoming romantic for over 3 months by mutual choice. About 5 months in he told me he loved and I told him I love you back. We’ve met mutual friends, family and he loves my kids too. We’ve helped each other with renovating our houses and have tons of hobbies and interests in common.Things have been coasting along smoothly until recently. I am starting to get tired of the traveling back and forth and want more or at least an idea if there will be more. I also recently lost my job but am independent and not wishing to ask him for help. The issue is he hasn’t offered to help anyway but also cannot tell me if we have a future together now. He’s admitted before that we will most likely live together one day and I told him I wouldn’t consider it until I find another job. We’ve even looked at model homes together so when he refuses to talk about our future or where we are headed it is very confusing. Last week he stated he wants to keep things casual and light. IMO we are way beyond that. I fear I have made it to desirable for him to have just a weekend girlfriend. Having his cake and eating it too kinda scenario. He says he is comfortable with our current arrangement.I will table the topic for now but will reevaluate it upon our 2 year anniversary. Do you think I am being fair by giving him 2 years to figure things out about our future since he is so back and forth? I can’t tell if he’s just being commitment phobic bc of what his ex did to him and he’ll eventually come around or if this is truly all he’ll ever want us to be. Incidentally he says I treat him better than anyone in his past. Divorce is hard, and I think you have a point about him being commitment-phobic – and also part of your couple-like activity being a continuation of his marriage-feeling. (Does that make sense? Stuff you do with a spouse – looking at houses, etc) All that said, I think you need to consider walking away from him, for now. You’re spot on that he has a comfortable arrangement, and is willing to stay with that – which would be absolutely fine, *if* you felt the same. You do not, from your letter. Let him read this letter, let him know you want more, and that can be with him, or not with him. Bottom line is, he’s either not aware of how he has hurt you (“keep things casual and light”?!?), or he’s OK with it. If he’s ok with it, you are *so* better off without him – however much the transition hurts. I have been seeing this guy more than 4 months. We are both 40s and have kids(around 10 to 13 years old). I told him right in the beginning that I was looking for a serious relationship. He liked me a lot when he first met me, and chased me hard. He asked for exclusivity on the 4th date and I agreed. We recently went on to a vacation together and it was great. He treated me very well and would check in w me via text everyday. But the thing is that it seems our relation doesn’t progress, I haven’t met any of his friends yet and he would introduce me as his friend if we bumped into someone he knew. He always hold my hands in the public and starts to say Im his gf in front me though. He said his life was bouncy now (he and his ex wife fighting on some financial things). He loved to be around me but he had to take things very slow. I know he likes me a lot, and so do I. But is he stringing me along? He had his kids every other week, so I can only see him during his off week, maybe two to three times the most. What can I do in this situation?should I pull back? I met a guy online about 5 months ago. We hit it off the first night and i ended up sleeping at his house and then leaving early for work in the morning. Since then, we have seen each other every weekend but only at night and usually only with his friends also. He works long hours and “doesn’t have a lot of time” during the week for weeknight hangouts with me. I always end up staying at his house over the weekend, going back to his house from wherever we were and leaving in the morning. Well, a couple weeks ago he told me that he was busy the next couple weekends (concerts, camping) so i did not contact him and he didnt contact to me. A couple days ago he sent me a text apologizing for “being off the grid lately and hope all is good with me” and that he has been really busy with work and family issues. I wrote back and said no worries and hope all is well with him too. I just dont know where this is going because we havent talked about being exclusive but i know we like each other and have a great time together (his friends all tell me how much they like me too), but its been 5 months and i dont want to rush anything, but i would like to know if he sees things going anywhere, because the longer this goes on, the harder i am falling for him. I am trying to keep it light and airy because i dont need a big serious commitment from him, but i would like to know what he is thinking. Any advice would be appreciated! Hi Lily – I am not in the same boat, but my boat is near yours; it’s been about 9 months that I’ve been occasionally dating this guy, and the sex is mind-blowing. This is after a 20 year marriage that was never sexually satisfying, so I’m thinking with my ladybits and not my head. ? However, I initiate seeing each other about 2/3 of the time, and sometimes a month will go by without seeing each other. I have decided that I have to either accept it as primarily occasional sex, or get out. If I find my heart getting involved, I have to get out. His heart is not involved; if it were, he’d be contacting me often. It sucks, but there it is. He’s just not that into me. So my advice to you is this: a vulnerable heart is a good thing to be able to have, but it’s bad for you to keep it open if the other person will just walk all over it. He sounds like a nice guy, but if he’s not that into you, you need to call it off, and lick your wounds, and be prepared to be open to love again. How you go about protecting your heart, I don’t know; maybe you give him an ultimatum, maybe you send him a letter, maybe you go off-grid yourself for a while and see. Personally, I’m trying to figure out where that tipping point is, so that I can stop before I get hurt. It sounds like you’re there. ? Be strong, and please know that being able to love is a great thing, even though it sometimes hurts. Lily From my experience I was on the same boat like you, however he called me daily, seen eachother on the weekends did what couples did for 10 months! Just this past Friday after everything he told me he wants to be friends. Of course I can’t too many feelings are involved and if he’s willing to let me go, he’s definitely not worthy of me still being in his life some how, at least not for now! Maybe when I’m over it one day. My suggestion to you is don’t wait move on! If he really likes you he will move mountains for you and make you his girlfriend in a heart beat. Don’t give him the privilege to do whatever he wants. A guy knows if he wants to be with you within a couple months. He’s full of excuses, I had to learn the hard way because I thought my guy was different. He had wonderful excuses. So I thought lol but there is a guy out there for you that will give you his time and not play with you and linger on the situation. He will respect you. Good luck girlie. I had a teacher at law school who became interested in me from the first time on. We started talking after his first lecture and this went on after every lecture. We were talking for hours, forgetting about time and usually it was about getting to know me better. Sometimes he showed more signs of interest, like on a school pub quiz looking at me in a way that I noticed he liked me. He was even joking with me in the class but he didn’t do that with the other students. We didn’t dare to engage into anything serious while he was teaching me as I was afraid of becoming a victim of favouritism and I guess he could have lost his job. On my graduation party he started flirting with me so vehemently, that both my best friend and other lecturers notices as well, and he couldn’t stop complimenting. I invited him for my graduation party, but he wanted to see me earlier, even though I wanted him to wait a bit. On my graduation party the flirting and complimenting went on, which ended up in him coming home with me and two friends who stayed at my place for my graduation. Nothing happened and after a little conversation he went home, but we agreed on a date and hit it off straight from that time on. He seemed to be a bit shy though as he had a lot of disappointment previously and hasn’t been with anyone for years. I tried to boost his self-confidence, especially because he had performance anxiety when it came to sex. It seemed though, that he was very much into me. After three dates he became insecure and on our fourth date he wanted to break up saying that he’s not ready for a commitment. Within half an hour we started kissing and showed major PDA and he said it’s hard for him to break up with me when I’m so beautiful. After that we went to my place and had sex and I thought his insecurity was just a temporary glitch. However, after that he became distant and didn’t want to come for my birthday party with my friends but took me out on a private date. He prioritised family and friends to me, however he still wanted to see me and he still acted nicely and said that I’m his little beautiful baby and his pretty little thing. However, he never said he liked or loved me. I told him that I liked him very much and he only said “I know”. In the meantime I got into housing problems and as a practising barrister he offered me help free of charge as I was his girlfriend. He drafted a very harsh letter and I thought that if he wouldn’t like me, why was he doing this for me? Unfortunately, two weeks before our break up he admitted that he took a girl out for dinner, whom he has known for years and that everybody says they should be together, but he never had the intention to that her and vice versa. After that he broke up with me, even though he said I was special and a kind, considerate and overall sweet person and a wonderful girlfriend and he told me that he will never forget me but he’s not ready for a commitment and probably he’ll always stay single. I felt sorry for him, because I thought it comes from his insecurities (he was never satisfied with himself or his looks) and tried to cheer him up and wanted to be friends. I bumped into him on the street a few weeks later and he told me to drop him a line once I feel better to meet and that he was sorry for hurting me as it was never his intention. But then when I called he didn’t answer, just sent me a whatsapp text that actually we cannot meet as he started going out for a few drinks with that neighbour girl he told me about and that even though it’s not serious he needs to clear with her if we want to meet. Hi, I’ve been dating someone for 4 months now. We are both 53 years old. When we are together we have a lot of fun and connect. However, I only see him once a week and text every other day or so. He’s very honest and we have both agreed to be honest with each other. I’m offline now but he is still online. He says he has a fear of commitment but really enjoys being together. He has an active life with sports etc. I would like to spend more time with him but maybe it’s me that needs to get a life. My question is: After 4 monthsam I dreaming of something that is never going to move from casual to a committed relationship. “Maybe it’s me who needs to get a life.” It sounds like you already know what you need to do. He may come around then, or maybe he won’t. – His decisions are not under your control. Just like anything in life, invest where the benefits outweigh the risks – your life. You’ve only known him for four months and survived before knowing him. One word of advice- if you find yourself becoming attached and wanting more; and he is not communicating a clear, positive message -cut bait and bail. While it seems harsh, it’s much easier to do now than it will be as time goes on. At 53, do you have the time to languish with someone who honestly proclaims he’s commitment phobic? Please help me, In march this yeah my friend set me up with this amazing guy, and at first we were both also talking to other people but we started to get to know each other have the same sense of humour it just worked. So we went on a couple of dates and around a month or so in I slept with him. Now he works for the army so he’s always having to go away and well I’m fine with that I’m very supportive as I know you should never stop someone from doing something they want to do. Well he’s the first guy to every make me feel special and take me on days out and it’s felt so nice. He has a lot of female friends and well one night I saw a comment of FB and well he was drunk and called me up so I asked him what we were doing where was this going. His reponce was we’re seeing each other but not dating like GF and BF which confused me, how can someone be so nice and caring wanting to spend time with each other suddenly not want to be in a relationship. The issue he knows about my past and how the guy strung me along and how shit he made me feel. They guy needed up saying he didn’t want a relationship and it broke me which is why when I met * it felt different I realised there’s none else I would want. After he said that It was awks for a bit but then it seem to be really good, I stayed a lot more and he even said yes on a trip to London. We had the most amazing time and I felt like things had changed he just seem to act differently. But the last month or so he seemed so off. He was having to leave on excerise and said he had to go home to see his family before he went. I brought up about maybe one day meeting his mum and he lost it saying I was a great girl but maybe we should end it now and that he thinks he’ll just hurt me more in the long run. He only wants a casual relationship. I get that he’s away to but I don’t get why he just can’t try. I’m not pushy or clingy. The things is a care and would do anything for him, I get on with the guys of the floor and have spoken the this female friends on the phone in the past. We both love the same things when we are together he’s amazing but someone times it’s like he doesn’t care. I had someone drive into the back of me the other day and he messaged me saying I hope your ok please say your ok. It was heaven to hear that we talked for a little bit now a couple of days later he’s off again. I don’t know what to do can a guy every change? He says he’s not ready right now if things were different with work but it’s been 8months. Do I hope for the best cause I really can’t see my life with someone else he’s amazing but it hurts when he like this. Can casual relationship ever turn into serious ones? Hi, thank you for your post it was a great read. I have a situation here, I’ve been talking to this guy who goes to college with me. We had know each other through mutual friends and hanged out a couple times in groups. At the end of last semester (April) he sort of told one of my best friends that he was attacted to me but it wasn’t a big deal to me. Plus, he was going far away as a missionary for a year and said he couldn’t have a girlfriend now. He went back home to Florida and I stayed working at our college in Tennessee. At the beginning of the summer (May) he started liking my old Instagram pictures and he added me on Snapchat. A day later he snapchatted me, after that he would snap me every day and we would talk all day long through snaps. He seemed very interested and was always the first to start conversations everyday,literally. We continued doing so but he said he was deleting his snap and asked me to add him on Whatsapp to keep in contact. Even at this point I didn’t think our everyday talking would continue much longer because let’s be honest, who does that for more than a week? And we had been doing it for 3 months now. Now is August, and I’m in Mexico for a month and we keep talking everyday throughout the day, he’s still calling me beautiful, hot,cute, etc. But not as much as he did we we used Snapchat. But that’s okay, we talk about more about our everyday lives and random things. He is now on the other side of the world, and the time difference is huge so it’s harder to keep conversations flowing. There were a couple times when we didn’t talk for 2 days and the longest we have been without contacting each other is 4 days but he had a good excuse. Now in September I went to Europe to study a semester there. We are still talking but our conversations are not as flirty but we still call each other hot, cute, etc. Everything seems to go rather well, it’s November now and I’m wondering if this everyday texting could do more harm than good on the long-run so I suggested videocall. He wasn’t super excited but he didn’t seem to be bothered by it. We talked and the convesation went totally fine but (and maybe I’m wrong here) I was expecting him to visit during Christmas since he’ll be in Europe for a couple weeks. However, I’ll be leaving a couple days before he gets here. He hasn’t mentioned anything about seeing each other. I can understand if we cannot see each other then but then he also goes on mentioning that he might consider studying in Europe for a semester (again since he had already done it before at the same school I’m currently at) after the year as a missionary which ends in August of the next year. Which would mean that technically the only time that I will for sure see him (unless we arranged something before) it’s in almost 2 years. I don’t know what to do, I don’t mind him doing all of those things and I’m not even talking about a relationship. I just want to see each him because texting all the time won’t do in 2 years time, I do not think I can endure that. And I would at least like for us to be exclusive with each other maybe. Should I keep on going with this or should I drop all my hopes of something with this guy and just keep him as my texting buddy? I’ve been dating this guy for 3 months now and last week I asked him what’s our relationship now. Are we just dating or are we boyfriend and girlfriend. He said we’re dating. We had a conversation about relationship before and he said he has never been in a real relationship. He’s that type of guy who doesn’t care about anything but only his job. We do everything just like bf and gf we hold hands in public. We went vacation together. Please gimme some advice what to do. I’ve been doing the casual thing with this guy for a couple of months now. We are both not seeing anyone else and recently he took his profile off a certain dating site. We see each other once to twice a week and have sleepovers. The only thing is that when we do see each other we never actually go out anywhere. If we grab dinner the one heading to the others place grabs it on the way through. Makes me think that he either is too embarrassed to be seen in public with me or doesn’t want to do it just in case it sends the wrong message or I could just be over thinking things. Would like an outsiders perspective and advice. Is this something that could lead somewhere or is it and only ever will be casual sex? Don’t think he will think you are a bitch; he probably won’t, and if he does, he’s being controlling and he’s someone you should *not* be with. The reason I say he probably won’t is because Westerners in general are very used to being able to have casual sex without a relationship coming from it – so you saying “no” at first and then changing your mind is perfectly fine. It is your body to decide what to do with. It is painful when there’s a difference in expectations between people. I’m in my late 40s and newly single, and have faced this as well – from both sides. However, what comforts me is that the pain is a sign my heart is working, and it’s a good thing. Good things aren’t always happy, or easy, or fun – but are always worth it. To answer your questions: is it natural,logical and normal for him(or any westerns guys) to say that we are not a couple after sex? It is certainly normal; sex does not necessarily lead to being a couple. How could I tell that he didn’t say it just to avoid responsibility or he meant to strat from dating? The painful thing is that I can’t tell whether or not he did. He might just want to be casual, and have no interest in dating. The fact that you had been texting for two weeks and he said he has feelings for you, and then he backed off makes me think he is what we call a “player” – he’ll say what it takes to get a woman in bed, and then he’ll disappear. There are *lots* of players; I don’t know a single woman who has never been played. They are very convincing that they care. And should I hide my feelings for him and behave like we are just common firends or in a way that obviously tells him that I have a crush on him? Speaking as someone old enough to be your mom, I have two (and a half) pieces of advice: 1 – You can try to spark his interest by going to the club you met at, and having fun *without* him. Flirt with other guys – possibly (but not only!) with guys he knows. Dance, laugh. Men are hunters, and if they see you being paid attention to by someone else, they’re more likely to want you themselves. Don’t go home with him (go home with them if you want to; remember, it is completely and totally your body, and you get to choose); don’t look at him too much; and when he texts, wait for several hours if not a day before you reply. Think of him as a reluctant fish who has to *want* to be caught by your hook. 2 – Do you really want him? Seriously – think about how this guy has acted. It might be the case that you and he simply want different things, and he’s not someone who really works for you. Consider looking for someone else who is not a player, and who is ready to love. Imagine you’re a woman my age, and try to reassess him – think about him from the perspective of someone who is not crushing on him. And a half: Dorothy Parker once said, the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. Dealing with my divorce was made easier by my occasional relationships; the hole that was left in my heart and life healed alot more easily when there was sometimes someone in it. Remember, the crushing on him and the pain are signs your heart is working, and that’s good. Good things aren’t always happy, or easy, or fun – but are always worth it. They’re not the only ways you can know your heart is working, of course ? – but crushes happen at all ages. I am dealing with a crush now, and it’s so painful – but I am trying to be positive about it. I was not in love with my ex-husband, and am so grateful that the divorce happened and that my heart is again open to being in love. The guy I’m crushing on is a wonderful man, and a friend, and I’m trying to figure out how to move to a partner relationship, or if I should even try. Wish me luck! Thank you so much Julie!!! I was randomly checking my mail and found the push notification of your reply in spam box!!!That was my first time to post something on a foreign forum and also get replied and I am so happy and grateful! As regard to that Argentine guy,we have been texting sometimes.Even though I once got his reply a day later, he did explain and offered reasonable reasons.At least he never ignored my message,and it is a good thing.Isn’t it? Now I realized he is so busy,busy with the preparations for his future career,his dad’s business and even other business.Besides,I found him a very slow type.His parents got divoiced when he was a kid,So I am planing to give him more time to find something unique in me and fall in love with me.But on the other hand,I will try to cool off and see whether he will take any initatives to text and meet.If no,I am getting him over! He is coming back to China in 3 days and I wish he could start a date on 2.14-the Valentine’s day.Most importanly,how are the things about you?Is there anything fruitful between you and that guy?No matter what,I wish you a super super super happy Valentine’s day!! All the best! I am a 50 y.o. I have been dating a guy 15 years junior of me for almost 10 months now. It was fun and breezy. I have been enjoying every minute of it. 3 months into our relationship he said he was dating me (which I did not ask him to elaborate or try to analyze). We see each other once a week and had gone on two trips together. He has not yet made a move to get physically intimate other than hugging, holding hands and kisses on cheek. I am puzzled. He is a great guy with a lot of attributes that I admire and appreciate. I have developed feelings for him. He did say his idea of a romantic relationship should be based on and built upon friendship. I am contemplating whether or not to pour my heart out to tell him I like him a lot. And that I want to keep discovering about him and explore the possibilities of us forging something deeper. I wish to know if he is on the same page without pushing him to commit or promise anything. Should I talk to him or not? I appreciate feedback from anyone who had been in the same situation before. Hi Ryan, I met a guy online then we had a dates. He was clear that he wants something casual with a possibility of becoming LTR. After the first date he texted me every day all day and he talked about was sex so asked him if he wants to be just a sex friend or we can talk about other stuff too. He was surprise with my question and also i over shared my life with him to just help him but he never asked for help. Long story shorts after one week he told me he needs space because i want something more than he can offer and he said maybe in the future that i get his head straight he might contact me. We really had a good chemistry and i really like him but i screwed that up. Do you think he would ever contact me again? I am have been dating an entrepreneur and triathlete (who happens to be Aussie expat living in Asia) for 5 months. We have been talking via text and meeting let’s say once a week. We both work in same industry. I’m in a top 5 agency and he has his own small successful one of his own. I found it is quite hard to get in to his world since he works hard (me, too!) and trains hard. We were closed to having sex once since our month 2 but I stopped him due to personal reason and he seemed to understand. I thought he would stop seeing me but we are still hanging out. I slept over (no sex but spooning, cuddling) at his place and helped him on some work for fun. Recently he invited me to his race after I have asked him a couple times previously. I actually stopped hoping to see him race but he did invite me. I take that as a good sign since we have no title yet. I want to get this relationship clear and want to see which direction he would like to head to. Can you suggest if this is a good sign or it is just me thinking too much and should I ask him right away? What is your intention of “getting the realtionship clear”? Do you like him? If so, let him know your expectations and ask him to be straight with you. If he isn’t sure yet, then backing off a bit will protect your feelings and give him some time. That said, clarify his intentions with him, i.e., make sure he gives you clear expectations. Otherwise he could keep you hanging on for nothing. From your description of the relationship, it sounds like he may like you, but may feel unsure about the next step. That you have hesitated about sex with him so far is about knowing yourself. If you are that personality type that can compartmentalize sex from emotion, then it’s not a big deal. But if you have feelings for a person, sex acts like glue and could bind you to a man who doesn’t reciprocate your feelings. So, It sounds like you are smart that you’re moving forward carefully. I have been dating a guy for six months. He texts me mostly every day morning noon and night. Some weeks I see him six days a week others I see him 2-3 times. We have dinner go on dates, stay in some nights, he brings me little presents from time to time. He has expressed that we have great chemistry, and we have sex only once or so a week, even if we see each other six times. (This is fine but doesn’t make me think it’s about sex). We met a few months after he ended an eight year relationship, and I also ended a marriage. His eight year relationship was Long distance, he says they didn’t say they love each other, and that she was extremely angry with him for wasting her time. On out first date he walked me home and said he would delete the dating app, I told him he didn’t have to do that (ugh). At two months I asked if we were exclusive and he said that we need to know each other more. We took a mini break and he said he needs to think about if he wants to commjt to me. He didn’t commit but then we continued to date. At four months I asked again, and he said he doesn’t know what he wants, he was dating other people but one time dates and there was no chemistry. He said he’s going away for the summer and doesn’t want to leave a girlfriend behind. It’s his birthday he said he wanted to spend it with me, he continues to be the pursuer doesn’t introduce me to bis friends but I met his dad. What is this? When my spouse left me,I was praying for marriage restoration. I was given the opportunity to get my Ex back by the help of Dr. Mack, He took the obstacles out of the way. I want to say a big thank you to Dr.Mack for what he has done for me for giving us a reason to smile after all that happen when my lover left me but since contacting Dr.Mack, l can boldly say my lover is back to me just within 48hours, Am short of words on how to say thank you for saving my relationship. Contact Dr Mack for relationship problem at [email protected]“. My husband cheated on me for Almost for three years. He ignored me for several months and left me with nothing, but i am happy today that Dr Mack brought my husband back, I am so happy, Now my husband is all mine again. I can now say I’m happy again. Great help from Dr Mack, he is genuine. I truly believe in him and his work. He is a professional. I really enjoyed the result which i got, his love spell is marvelous, he is truly gifted, his love spell has brought me happiness, I am extremely pleased, it worked out to my test, he has the most powerful love spell, I recommend his love spell to anyone who is ready to get his or her lover back, this is his Email______dr.mack201@ gmail. Com USA Alison! Smile, I am so happy Texas,USA. Anne Tyler was born in Minneapolis, Minnesota, in 1941 and grew up in Raleigh, North Carolina. She is the author of nineteen novels, including Dinner at the Homesick Restaurant, The Accidental Tourist, Noah’s Compass, and, most recently The Beginner’s Goodbye. She is a member of the American Academy of Arts and Letters. Tyler lives in Baltimore, Maryland. Monica McInerney is the internationally bestselling author of many novels, including At Home with the Templetons, Greetings from Somewhere Else, Upside Down Inside Out, and The Faraday Girls. Born in Australia, McInerney lives in Ireland. Maeve Binchy was born and educated in Dublin. She is the bestselling author of many novels, including T he Glass Lake, The Lilac Bus, Circle of Friends, and Whitethorn Woods. Binchy has been writing since 1969 and lives with her husband, writer and broadcaster Gordon Snell, in Dublin. Dating in Hyderabad Find free Hyderabad personals at MateForAll.com's. Tired with other dating services? Try speed dating online with MateForAll.com's matchmaking service. Whether you are looking for singles for long term relationships, friendship, girlfriend, boyfriend, men, women, guys, girls, lover or even pen pals for friendship, MateForAll.com's has it all. Create a FREE personal ad and start, its easy and free dating service!||||||||||||||||||||||||||| ♂. Says raj Offline raj, Man from Hyderabad, searching for Woman for dating (Age: 28 years, Single, Virgo)| Hyderabad seeking a Woman for Marriage, Friendship, Serious Relationship - Iam a simple and honest sensitve guy.I want a mutual undestandable gal for my life partner. In the category Personals Andhra Pradesh you can find more than 1,000 personals ads. SEX IN HYDERABAD DISCREET RELATION LOOKING for GIRL. Dating Surely ping me. I NEED A GIRL OR AUNTY FOR LOW PRICE IN HYDERABAD ANY PLACE. For a safer dating experience read the Safety Tips. Women Looking for Men in Hyderabad. Aug 05, 2014 Best Free Dating Site Of Hyderabad Love in Hyderabad is the only dating site for Indian singles in Hyderabad / India, and Worldwide. If you are Indian. Brazil is a true melting pot, and as such there's not one particular type of traditional clothing. In general, Brazilians wear clothing that's comfortable yet richly colored and sophisticated. However, there are some preferred clothing types depending on region. Brazilian dating culture starts in the teens and is punctuated by friendly fun, casual meetings and a relaxed attitude. As a Brazilian matures, he then moves on to. Culture of Brazil - history, people, traditions, women, beliefs, food, customs, family, social Bo-Co. Many Brazilians, certainly the women (maybe the men, I just don't have experience dating them!) can really twist things around to justify their actions. Cheating is pretty common, especially in Rio. I live in the South now, and I like it because the culture and the values are much more like what I grew up with in. For example, those living in the southern plains, a ranching area, wear gaucho-type clothing: baggy pants, or bombachas; cowboy hats and cowboy boots. The indigenous Amerindians in the Amazon region wear tunics and face paint and also love beads, body paint and unique hairstyles. People in the country's northeastern Bahia region, which is heavily influenced by African culture, don long skirts, head scarves and shawls. Items adorned with bordado richelieu -- a type of lace developed in 18th-century France to mimic white Venetian lace, which was brought to Brazil by the Portuguese -- are also popular [source: ]. Another way to consider Brazilian clothing is country attire versus city attire. Those who live in the country tend to wear shirts, jeans or dresses crafted from an inexpensive cotton material. Women who reside in the city often like to wear short skirts and dresses, and both sexes of city slickers enjoy that most typical of Western attire: T-shirts and jeans. In fact, jeans are probably the single most popular items of clothing in the entire nation [source: ]. Due to its many beaches, Bermuda shorts and bikinis are popular, the latter with women of all ages and shapes, thanks to Brazil's relaxed attitude about the body. Women especially love the Brazilian bikini bottom. A more recent development, the Brazilian bikini bottom is skimpier than the norm, with a lower rise (the piece generally sits on the hip) and a back that only covers about half the buttocks. Even racier thong and G-string versions are common [source: ]. Employing a bit of humor about this, Brazilians have dubbed some of the tiniest bikinis 'dental floss.' I don't know how many on here are mature adults, but I would like to discuss a sex topic so many people are afraid to address. I have found time and again that adults divorced or widowed tend to be sexually active more than they would be if they had never been married before. I have Christians who are both for and against premarital sex that tell me God gave us these desires so that we can enjoy them. I really feel called myself to wait until marriage. My problem is every single man I've met--and these are Christian men--is ready to have sex right away. They've had serious relationships before. They miss that physical aspect as well as the emotional link you have in a sexual relationship. My choice now is to go ahead and do what everyone else is doing or stay single forever. Even at my age, it's a tough choice. I would never want my children to give in to society and lose their virginity for it. But here I am, in my 30's, and I feel the sexual tension urging me to do what I think is wrong. Maybe some of us who have been married before can support eachother through dating situations here. I need to be held accountable each time I go on a date. Maybe some others will, too. Thanks for reading. I don't know how many on here are mature adults, but I would like to discuss a sex topic so many people are afraid to address. I have found time and again that adults divorced or widowed tend to be sexually active more than they would be if they had never been married before. Faith Tabernacle Apostolic Church Rules. Thus the 'pentecostal checks'-if one. He also reminded singles that those who married while kicked out would have. Pentecostal singles dating, FREE Pentecostal profiles, search, and chat! Assembly of God Singles, Assemblies of God Singles. Pentecostal beliefs questionnaire, photos. My Experiences With Dating And Remarriage In The UPC. Dating rules differ vastly from Pentecostal church to church, even in the same general vicinity. I have Christians who are both for and against premarital sex that tell me God gave us these desires so that we can enjoy them. I really feel called myself to wait until marriage. My problem is every single man I've met--and these are Christian men--is ready to have sex right away. They've had serious relationships before. They miss that physical aspect as well as the emotional link you have in a sexual relationship. My choice now is to go ahead and do what everyone else is doing or stay single forever. Even at my age, it's a tough choice. I would never want my children to give in to society and lose their virginity for it. But here I am, in my 30's, and I feel the sexual tension urging me to do what I think is wrong. Maybe some of us who have been married before can support eachother through dating situations here. I need to be held accountable each time I go on a date. Maybe some others will, too. Thanks for reading. Click to expand. Wait until marriage before having sex. Sex is a very private, intimate union between a man and a woman. The purpose of sex is for the man to impregnate the woman. However, sex is also about physical and spiritual union. Unfortunately, people who have sex before marriage are doing it for fun which is absolutely the wrong reason to do it. Sex should be about unity. Some people may have premarrital sex for that reason, but it doesn't mean anything if they break up later on. Marriage is a life-long bond between a man and a woman, so if you wait until marriage, it will be a fantastic experience that you have shared with your husband or wife, and only him or her. If you meet a man or woman who is no longer a virgin, don't let that scare you off. Make sure he is a friend first, then date him or her, then propose or be proposed to. So long as your love is a Christian and is willing to dedicate the rest of their live with you, including sexuallity, that's all that matters. Don't go looking for a husband or wife, let it happen naturally, and trust me. It's such a tough thing. I waited until marriage the first time. I'd like to wait again. I'm thinking of going out w/ someone new, and I know that same old tempatation will be there. I can either stay away from it all together or go on the date and disappoint the man. Lol I wish I could just be happy alone and be done with it all together. I like living alone, and I certainly don't want anyone else raising my own children. I just feel that strong desire to have someone close to me who is not calling me Mom. I like the idea of giving up little things like that. That's a good one. I should try to start small and see if that helps. I've been cellibate for 5 yrs. Since my husband passed. You'd think this would get easier, but it's actually getting harder now. I think the devil is really trying hard to get me to slip now, so I'd like some accountability partners. Thanks for responding. I know this will sound hard.but if you feel strongly about it and I would as well, don't worry about the guys who will try to get you into bed. God's got someone out there for you! He didn't just take your husband and leave you hanging! You'll meet the one! It's a matter of getting through all the bad ones first! Trust me.Satan can bring people into your life just like God can! God lets the bad ones come in first to test your faith and patience.then when you're ready, he'll bring you the right one for waiting!! Or, you can find yourself getting involved with the wrong guy and blowing it all together! The right guy will walk right past you. Don't fall into peer pressure, all those poeple may be happy for a bit, but they all share one thing in common. Emptyness, they will never find that special someone that truley loves them. I am 22 and yes I love girls obviously. I want a girl and I can get one very easly, but I don't want just any girl, I want someone special, someone that doesn't judge me by my looks, but someone that cares for me and who I am as a person. Like I say in my book. Do you want to be known as 'just another girl' or 'the girl' ('the girl' is a girl that ever guy wants but can't have example Jennifer Love Hewitt) Everyone wanted her to go topless in a movie, but she said no. She didn't want to be like everyone else. She wants to be known by her talent in acting and not her talent in looks (if that make sense) I suggest you do the same. Be different, be special. If I remain single the rest of my life, then so be it, but I'd rather die single then knowing I was just like all the other guys. Thanks to everyone responding. Just getting this out in the open has helped me tremendously. Confessing you have a problem in the first place is surely the best way to get rid of it. I've been spending a lot of time in prayer lately. I told the 'temptation' that I could not, would not go out with him and the Biblical reasoning for doing so. He is now wanting to try and commit to cellibacy as well after hearing me out. We won't date, but will support eachother through other possible dating situations. I have learned the best way to beat temptation is to get rid of whatever can cause it, so I know I can't go out with this particular man. I'm going to continue to be content at home alone with my children and cats for now. Thanks to everyone responding. I hope we can all be of help to one another. I don't know how many on here are mature adults, but I would like to discuss a sex topic so many people are afraid to address. I have found time and again that adults divorced or widowed tend to be sexually active more than they would be if they had never been married before. I have Christians who are both for and against premarital sex that tell me God gave us these desires so that we can enjoy them. I really feel called myself to wait until marriage. My problem is every single man I've met--and these are Christian men--is ready to have sex right away. They've had serious relationships before. They miss that physical aspect as well as the emotional link you have in a sexual relationship. My choice now is to go ahead and do what everyone else is doing or stay single forever. Even at my age, it's a tough choice. I would never want my children to give in to society and lose their virginity for it. But here I am, in my 30's, and I feel the sexual tension urging me to do what I think is wrong. Maybe some of us who have been married before can support eachother through dating situations here. I need to be held accountable each time I go on a date. Maybe some others will, too. Thanks for reading. I don't know how many on here are mature adults, but I would like to discuss a sex topic so many people are afraid to address. I have found time and again that adults divorced or widowed tend to be sexually active more than they would be if they had never been married before. I have Christians who are both for and against premarital sex that tell me God gave us these desires so that we can enjoy them. I really feel called myself to wait until marriage. My problem is every single man I've met--and these are Christian men--is ready to have sex right away. They've had serious relationships before. They miss that physical aspect as well as the emotional link you have in a sexual relationship. My choice now is to go ahead and do what everyone else is doing or stay single forever. Even at my age, it's a tough choice. I would never want my children to give in to society and lose their virginity for it. But here I am, in my 30's, and I feel the sexual tension urging me to do what I think is wrong. Maybe some of us who have been married before can support eachother through dating situations here. I need to be held accountable each time I go on a date. Maybe some others will, too. Thanks for reading. A fun fact about WordPress is that in many cases it allows someone to see what search terms are used for someone to find your page. Reading through these I’ve learned that there are a lot of questions people have about Pentecostals (Apostolic). Here are some answers to those questions. Side note: these are not sorted by topic so if you’re looking for a specific topic, on most computers using the search function ctrl+f will allow you to search the post. Also, there is a search bar to the right of this page but it will search all posts not just this one. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ “Things Pentecostals Can’t Do” My answer to this is “nothing”. Here’s my reasoning. People look at Pentecostals and think that because many tend to live a certain way, whether it be in clothing, hairstyles, places they will or won’t go, etc., that we are required to do so. What you will find is that many Pentecostals live what we call a “holiness lifestyle”. We look at principles in the Bible and try to follow them best we can. For example, the Bible talks about setting wicked things before your eyes. Because we don’t want to do this, many Pentecostals will not watch tv because there is a lot of profanity on there. By choosing not to watch it, we are taking a step to prevent putting anything wicked before us. That said, there is nothing that a Pentecostal “can’t do”. Our pastors do not scrutinize our lives. Our churches don’t have dress codes (I once had a friend who assumed you had to wear a dress to go to my church–this is not true! We want everyone to come to church regardless of how they dress!). Now, you will find that those who are in leadership in the church do follow the “holiness standards” of that church. The reason for this is because within each church there is general agreement on what the Bible teaches is holy and how we will live that out. The leaders will follow these standards because one, we actually agree with them, and two, we don’t want there to be confusion as to what we teach and why some in leadership don’t follow it. All in all, we are not forced to live a certain lifestyle. If you meet a Pentecostal who lives a certain way it is because they want to. (Exceptions being maybe kids who live that way because their parents do or someone who has chosen to follow them regardless if they believe them–in which case, they would probably have their own reasoning as to why they do it). “What does it mean to be Apostolic Pentecostal?” To be Apostolic means that you believe the same things the Apostles taught (in other words, the Bible). We don’t have extraneous creeds, doctrinal statements or statements of faith. The Bible is truth and we do not pick and choose what we will follow. If the Bible says it that settles it. The Apostles taught baptism in Jesus’ name; we do the same. The Apostles taught repentance; we do the same. The Apostles taught that the infilling of the Holy Ghost is a distinct experience from believing in Jesus as Savior–and that speaking in tongues was the initial evidence of receiving the gift; we teach the same. They preached a holy lifestyle; we do the same. They preached that we should reach the lost; we do the same. If you want to know what Apostolics believe, just read the Bible! To be Pentecostal means that you believe that the same experience the early church had on the day of Pentecost is real today. People still receive the Holy Ghost (as a separate and distinct experience–keep in the mind those in the upper room already believed in Jesus. They did not receive the Holy Ghost til later. The same with the church in Acts 19–see verse 2). It means you believe in the gifts of the spirit: the gift of tongues, of healing, of faith, etc. Again, if you want to know what Pentecostals believe, just read the Bible! “When is Pastor Appreciation Day?” Not a question about Apostolic Pentecostals directly but I’ll answer. The 2nd Sunday in October is designated as Pastor Appreciation Day. The whole month of October is also considered Pastor Appreciation Month. “What does the Apostolic church believe about women’s clothing?” The Bible instructs us to dress modestly. I Timothy 2:9-10 and I Peter 3:3-4, Romans 12:1-2, Deuteronomy 22:5 are some verses on apparel. While there is no one-size-fits-all answers to this question because “holiness standards” vary from church to church, the most common you’ll see is this. Women will typically not wear clothes that are tight enough to show off private parts. We typically wear skirts that fall below the knee while standing and sitting so that while doing either someone can not look up your skirt. We also typically wear our sleeves below the elbow–depending on who you ask the reasoning might change, but I’ve always done so because if I lift my arms up and my sleeves are loose you wouldn’t be able to see up them to my underclothes. The elbow also, in my opinion, is like the knee of the arm. I prefer to keep my upper legs covered and prefer the same with my upper arms. The Bible talks about not adorning yourself with gold, pearls, or costly array. For this cost most Apostolic women will not wear jewelry. Some will wear wedding bands because they feel it serves a purpose: showing others you are married. The same with watches. Many Apostolic women also will not wear makeup. The reason we don’t is because typically in the Bible when it mentions having your face painted it’s talking about a harlot. Jeremiah 4:30, 2 Kings 9:30, for example. We also teach our girls that God has made them “fearfully and wonderfully” and that they don’t need to wear makeup to improve themselves. Lastly, you will find that most Apostolic women wear skirts or dresses all the time. We do this because in Deuteronomy 22:5 it talks about men not wearing women’s apparel and women not wearing men’s apparel. We also do it for modesty reasons (wearing a skirt does not show off the body like pants do). Some will argue that pants are women’s apparel today. But think about it: if you go to a public bathroom and can’t read, how do you know the difference between the men’s and women’s room? The woman wears a skirt, the man pants. Here’s a fun activity you can do to see if people truly associate pants with men and dresses with women. Ask a few people to do an experiment. Give them each a piece of paper and pen and tell them they have 20 seconds to draw two figures, a boy and a girl. There are no rules. They can be stick people, blob people, anything. Chances are, the boy figures will have short hair and be wearing pants. The girl will have long hair and be wearing a skirt. It is human nature to associate short hair and pants with men, and long hair and dresses with girls. “Why do Apostolics think TV is wrong?” In Psalm 101:3 David wrote that he would set no wicked thing before his eyes. We choose to do this as well. Because of this, we don’t watch TV because most of what is on TV these days is what the Bible labels as sin (profanity, nudity, swearing, violence, premarital sex, drinking, drugs, adultery, lying, stealing, cheating, etc). By not watching TV we are choosing to not be entertained by the things the Bible labels sin. “But not everything on TV is bad”. You’re right, but as my former pastor would say, “You wouldn’t dig through the garbage to get a steak at the bottom of the trash can.” As an additional note, because many will argue that the internet is worse: This is true. The setting no wicked thing before your eyes doesn’t just apply to TV. We also teach that we need to be careful of what we look at on the internet, what we read, what video games we play, etc. There is more control over the internet because you have to type in what you want to find. On TV it is a mixed bagcommercials, flipping through channels, etc. It is also advised in many churches to use a filter on your internet for extra protection against ads or unwanted sites in searches. “What is the Holy Ghost?” The Holy Ghost is God’s spirit that dwells in men. The Bible teaches that when we seek God and, according to Acts 2:38 repent and are baptized in the name of Jesus, God will give us the gift of the Holy Ghost. His spirit lives in us and gives us joy, helps up to live holy lives, etc. Many mainstream churches preach that you are filled with the Holy Ghost the minute you believe in Jesus as Savior. This is not what the Bible teaches. The believers in Acts 2 received the Holy Ghost AFTER they believed in Jesus as Savior (it was also the first time the Holy Ghost was given to dwell in people). The believes in Acts 19 also had not received the Holy Ghost yet but had already believed. The Bible is very clear that receiving the Holy Ghost is a very distinct experience from when you started believing. Here are some verses to read about the Holy Ghost: John 14:26, Acts 2:1-4, Acts 10:44-48, Acts 19:1-6. Notice that something in common with these is that the sign that they had received the Holy Ghost was that they spoke in tongues. When you receive the gift of the Holy Ghost you will speak in tongues. “Apostolic Pentecostal Women and Hair Curling Rules” There aren’t any, though some Apostolic women won’t curl their hair because they feel it is vanity. “Pentecostals are not saved” All of the believers of the New Testament were Pentecostal (See question above–what do Pentecostals believe?). They were saved. “Leaving the Pentecostal Church” Please don’t. I made that mistake once and wish I could get those five years of my life back. It’s cliche but it’s true: My worst day with God is still better than my best day without Him. Here is my story: “Lifestyle of Pentecostals” We live like everyone else. We work jobs, go to school, have ups and downs, celebrate holidays. We do go to church, but that is not specific to Pentecostals–most Christians do. We do go on average 2-3 times a week, which is more than the typical non-denominational church. We strive to live a life of holiness (and you will see reasonings in other questions on here). Also, we are not forced to live any specific way. Many times I meet people who believe we are. We live this way because we choose to and we love it. I encourage you to check out an Apostolic Pentecostal church! “Bad Things About the Apostolic Pentecostal Church” Firstly, if you go looking for the bad you’ll find it. In any situation. That said, there is nothing wrong with the church specifically. You will always find hypocrites, always find people treating others wrong, etc, no matter where you are. Be it in any church, any job, any school, any organization. But don’t let one person doing wrong turn you away from many who are doing right. “Why do Pentecostals try to get their other family members into church?” The Bible is true and we try to live our lives according to it. The Bible is very clear on salvation and what God requires of His people. We also know from experience that living for God is a very rewarding life, full of joy and many wonderful things. We want our family members to experience the same blessings God has given us. “Too Many Church Services – Pentecostal” Most Pentecostals go to church 2-3 times a week. Once or twice on Sunday and usually one mid-week service, usually Wednesday or Thursday. Sometimes we will have “revivals” which is where we might do several special services on consecutive days. There are also many special events such as Youth Meetings, Conferences, Banquets, etc. When you consider, if someone attends all three services of the week, and from arrival to leaving may be anywhere from 1.5-2 hours (a typical church service begins with 30 minutes of prayer before the service, about 20-30 minutes of music, about a 30-45 minute message, and a time of prayer after service known as the “altar call”–of course this varies greatly), we spend about 6 hours a week in church. In a week of 168 hours that’s not much. Most people spend more time watching tv. Oh, and most Pentecostals you’ll meet will actually say they like being at church more than they already are. To us it is a special place, we have fun, we get encouraged, we find a connection with God and with others. I would encourage you to visit a church and experience it yourself! “The First Church in Acts was Pentecostal” This is correct. Their experience on the day of Pentecost is actually why we call ourselves Pentecostals. “Change in People who Join Pentecost” Becoming an Apostolic Pentecostal is truly a life changing experience. I’ve seen people firsthand get healed of illnesses (cancer, asthma, a baby with a hole in his heart, I was healed of a bleeding disorder). I’ve seen people firsthand get delivered from drugs, alcohol and smoking–in one night–with one prayer. Not with any 12 step program (not downing those programs if they help but God can deliver someone in one moment!). I’ve seen people delivered from depression, past experiences, and guilt. I know what it is like to feel like life is falling apart and then get one experience with God that changed my life so much that I left a service filled with joy. Left personal prayer time feeling like everything’s going to be okay. It’s wonderful and I pray you experience the same. “Apostolic Pentecostal Beliefs Non-Biblical?” Apostolic Pentecostals have no doctrinal statements, creeds, or statements of faith outside of the Bible. We only preach what is in the Bible and how that applies to our lives today. If you have a question about something the pastor preaches and where in the Bible it is, I encourage you to ask Him. He will be able to show you where what He preaches is in the Bible. The same goes for someone who may be giving you a Bible study. If you have a question ask! “I feel like Apostolic Pentecostal is not me” If you are currently in a church I encourage you to speak with your pastor. It is easy to get discouraged in today’s world but take heart! Jesus said He would help us overcome! If there is something specific about the faith that you don’t know why you believe it or don’t understand it, ask! The Bible has answers and your pastor, leaders and others in the church want to help you. If you don’t belong to a church, I encourage you to find one. You can Google answers but everyone will have a response as to why you should or shouldn’t be in church. The problem with that is that you are getting people’s personal opinions. The best opinion you can get is the Bible’s! If you need help finding a church in your area please message me and I would be more than happy to help you find one! “I’m Apostolic. Where is Jesus?” It sounds like you’re struggling! The Bible tells us that God will never leave us. It may be hard to feel God but be sure He is with You! I would encourage you to start looking up passages in the Bible about God’s faithfulness and since you said you are Apostolic I would also encourage you to speak with your pastor, pastor’s wife, or another trusted friend or leader. The best thing we can do in hard times is pray and surround ourselves with other believers. God will show Himself faithful! “How many people go to a Pentecostal church?” This question is hard to answer for two reasons: One, not all Pentecostal believe the same. I am Apostolic Pentecostal but you will also find that there are Trinitarian Pentecostals (Assemblies of God, for example). Also, not all Pentecostals belong to an organization. Some major Apostolic Pentecostal organizations are the UPCI, WPF, ALJC and PAW, but there are many people who follow the Apostolic Pentecostal doctrine because they’ve read it in the Bible and never had any connections to any organization. There are also many minor Pentecostal organizations. Because of this, there are no concrete numbers. There is an article I found that speculates that more than 1 in 4 Christians claim to be Pentecostal of some sort:. Also, a former professor of mine, Talmadge French, wrote a book that has an appendix at the end listing many Apostolic organizations around the world. It’s a great book to look in to! Here it is on Amazon: “When Apostolics Let You Down” Get back up! No matter where you go to church, where you work, go to school or hang out with people there is always the chance that someone will let you down. It’s just because people are people. One thing my pastor has taught me well is looking at situations from another person’s point of view. It is one of the greatest gifts my pastor could’ve instilled into me. When people let me down I try to see their perspective and it helps me realize that it’s usually not intentional. I’ve been hurt by people in church but by the grace of God He helped me get back up again and realize that it’s not God’s fault! Keep pressing on! (And try to reconcile if possible!) “What do Pentecostals believe about Apostles?” I’ve always heard that there are two definitions of what an apostle is: One, someone who has the authority to write scripture, and Two, someone who has a calling to start churches. Pentecostals believe that the Apostles with the authority to write scripture ended with the New Testament. The Bible is the Word of God and nobody has any authority to add or take away from it–to do so would being against God (Revelation 22:19). As far as Apostles who are people with a calling to start churches, you will find many within the Apostolic Pentecostal Church. Some people have a gift to get churches started and then when they feel called to they will find a pastor for that church and move to another city to start another church. These are wonderful people used mightily of God. “Pentecostalism: Why People Leave?” Every person will have their own reason but the reasons I see most are that they get offended by somebody in the church or they get tired of living for God. Sometimes people won’t understand why they do things and just do them because others do. This is why we encourage people to study the Bible. We want everybody to know why they believe what they do–our foundation needs to be the Bible. “Why People are Joining the Pentecostal Church” God changes lives. People join because they’ve seen the power God has had on the lives of others and they want the same. They want to follow the Bible, they want to be saved, they want to experience joy and victory in their lives. “When is the right time to leave the Apostolic church?” After the pastor prays at the end of service and says “service dismissed” ? Seriously, though, never. Like I mentioned in a response above, if you are questioning leaving the church it is likely that you are struggling with someone. I would encourage you to seek God in prayer, in the Bible, and speak with your man of God. The things that can seem so huge at times that make us want to give up are usually things that can be worked through. God has a victory for you and He wants to see you through! So does your pastor and church family! I mentioned above how I left the church for a while once. I was miserable and missed God so much. I have found so much joy living for God and could never give him up now! Here is a blog post about why I left and why I came back: “Apostolic Pentecostal Outfit Ideas?” Haha I’m guessing you’re looking for some ways to dress fashionably yet modestly. Pinterest has a lot of ideas! There are also some people who belong to Apostolic churches who have started clothing companies. Check them out! and There are many more and if you know of one I would be happy to list them if you’ll comment the link below. “What can an eight year old say for Pastor Appreciation Day?” I know this isn’t an Apostolic-related question but I love these questions because it means you are teaching your children to honor the ministry–which is a very biblical and Apostolic thing! Encourage your child to tell what things they like best about their pastor. I once had all of the members of the church write one sentence on what they liked best about our pastor and put them all in a slideshow to Scott Krippayne’s “You Changed the World”. It turned out very nicely, lots of sentiment, encouragement, and some very candid responses! (Haha our pastor learned he “Was a G”) “Questions about relationship with God – Pentecostal” First and foremost I would ask your pastor any questions who have about your walk with God. Your pastor cares for you and wants to see you succeed in your walk with God! Secondly, if you don’t have a pastor but have a specific question I encourage you to post it in the comments below. We might be able to help you find an answer. “Do Pentecostals deny the godhead?” No. We believe there is one God (Deuteronomy 6:4) who is the Father, Son and Holy Ghost. Colossians 2:9 says the fulness of the godhead dwells in Jesus. Just as you might be a father, a son, and a uncle but be one person, so is God. He is our Father in creation, the Son in redemption (Him coming to earth as a man to die for our sins) and the Holy Ghost in regeneration (in other words, He lives in us as the Holy Ghost). When the Bible refers to the “Son of God” it is referring to God in the flesh (I Timothy 3:16). You see, in Bible times people were often given names based on their attributes. Jesus means ‘Jehovah has become our salvation’. When God became and man and died for us His name became Jesus. Isaiah even prophesied that the baby Jesus would be called the Everlasting Father (Isaiah 9:6). So when we talk about Jesus we are talking about God. God, Jesus, Holy Ghost, Healer, Protector, King of Kings, Prince of Peace, etc, are all names of the one same God. Here is a different post I made a while back with some verses on the godhead: “What does Beulah land mean in the Bible?” Again, not a question about Apostolics directly, but it’s a Bible question. Isaiah 62:4 says, “Thou shalt no more be termed Forsaken; neither shall thy land any more be termed Desolate: but thou shalt be called Hephzibah, and thy land Beulah: for the Lord delighteth in thee, and thy land shall be married.” “Who invented the Pentecostal church?” God did. The very first church as recorded in Acts 2 was Pentecostal. Every other church started in the New Testament was also Pentecostal. The Pentecostal church went “underground”, you could say, over the years due to persecution, but it has always existed. In the United States there rose a popularity and revival with Pentecostal churches in the late 1800s and early 1900s with groups of people from different denominations who read the Bible and realized that not all churches were preaching what the Bible taught as far as oneness of God, Jesus name baptism and the infilling of the Holy Ghost with the initial evidence of speaking in tongues. “Has God already left the church?” No, He is alive and active in the church! God is moving in people’s lives everyday and desires to do the same in yours! “Boyfriend wants me to be Pentecostal” Pentecostals live very rewarding lives and we experience so much of the greatness of God that we want to share it with everybody! Ask him to give you a Bible study or visit his church with him. Don’t be afraid to ask questions! You will find that there is so much joy to experience with a life in God! “What do Apostolic churches do when they leave for conferences?” This question can be taken one of two ways. What happens at the church if most of the church goes to a conference? Services might be cancelled because the pastor and possibly any others in the church who preach might be gone as well. Sometimes the pastor will ask someone else to lead services so they can continue while he is gone. If you’re asking what happens at conferences: It’s just like going to church somewhere else. If not within driving distance people book hotel rooms and services are likely to happen every night, sometimes twice a day. At camps they might hold different services and events throughout the day like sports games, barbecues and more. Typically conference services are formal and you will see people dressed up, much like they would Sunday Mornings at church though some will dress up even more depending on the event. Dressing up is not required though. We want everyone in church regardless of how you look or dress! The services will be a lot like your home church only with more people. There will be prayer, worship and preaching. You’re also likely to see people very passionate about the services, with demonstrative worship (i.e. Jumping, shouting, clapping, running aisles). There will also be a lot of ministers there who usually sit up on the platform and several of them might be asked to speak for moment before the speaker of the night gets up to preach. The altar call (prayer at the end of service) is likely to be packed as well. A lot of people will be there and it’s not uncommon for people to pray together even if they don’t know each other. You will meet a lot of new people and find new friends within several churches! “What happens when you leave your Apostolic church?” Apostolic churches are a lot like families. People tend to get very close with one another and develop many friendships. When someone leaves the church it is normal for many people to be sad. It feels like your best friend or brother or sister are moving away. That said, if you are moving because of a reason–getting married, entering full time ministry, or the like, people will be excited even though they will miss you! If you are leaving because you decide you don’t want to live for God anymore we still miss you as much but there is a sadness that accompanies it. We don’t want to see you leave and there will be a lot of prayer for you. Some people might get upset but most will still desire to be friends once you leave. We want to see you get victory in Christ and continue to live for Him. We will love you no matter what but we will never stop praying for you til we see you living for God again. You mean a lot to us and we want to see you saved. “What do Apostolic Pentecostals wear to church?” Most of the time people dress up for church. Women will wear skirts or dresses and men typically wear slacks and a dress shirt or a suit and tie. That said, there is no dress code and everybody is welcome to come regardless of how they dress. If you don’t own a suit or a skirt don’t let that stop you from coming! You likely won’t be the only one not dressed that way and nobody will treat you any differently if you aren’t. (There was a guy in my former church who was a mechanic and he would come in his work clothes! Better he be there in work clothes than to miss church because he didn’t have time to go home and change!) “How do you explain the sincerity of the UPCI?” People who belong to the UPCI are genuine about living for God. Though you’ll always find people who aren’t trying their best or living hypocritical lifestyles, most are passionate about God and genuinely trying to live according to the Bible best they can. This goes for people in the UPCI or any Apostolic church or organization. “What if you have short hair and wear makeup in the Apostolic church?” You will still be welcomed to come. We recognize that all people grow in God at different levels and people need time to work on the inside before the outside. Once someone recognizes what the Bible says about this, though, we encourage them to follow it. Now, because most churches preach what the Bible says about women having long hair and men having short hair (1 Corinthians 11) and that the Bible does not encourage women to wear makeup (Jeremiah 4:30), you won’t typically see people on the platform ministering if they do these because we don’t want there to be confusion in the church as to what we believe and/or rebellion to the Word of God (if you see it in the Bible and don’t follow it, it is rebellion). “What do you do when someone you love is in the Pentecostal church?” Go to church with them! “What is considered a worldly hairstyle to Apostolics?” In 1 Corinthians 11 the Bible says men should have short hair (for it is a shame if they have long hair) and women should have long hair (it is a glory to her and a sign of submission to her authority). Verse 6 says it is a shame for a woman to be shorn or shaven. Shorn means cut. So even trimming of the hair is against the Bible. This is what the Bible says and what almost all Apostolic churches teach. Occasionally you might meet some Apostolics who feel that trendy hairstyles are a sign of conforming to the world and they will avoid those (like spiked hair, for example). “How to get the Holy Ghost” One must first recognize that receiving the Holy Ghost is an experience distinct from when someone first believes in Jesus as Savior. Also, you will read that in Acts 2:38 Peter said, “Repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost.” Verse 39 says “the promise is unto you and to your children and to all who are afar off, even as many as the Lord your God shall call.” The gift of the Holy Ghost is a promise. If you are seeking the Holy Ghost you will want to spend time in prayer as it is in prayer that people are filled with it. Also, recognize that the one sign that followed all believers who received the Holy Ghost is that they spoke in tongues. God does not leave us doubting if we have it. We will know for sure because God will make us speak in tongues (it is not something we do ourselves or are taught–only God can cause you to do that). If you are seeking, though it is possible to get the Holy Ghost anywhere, I would encourage you to get connected to an Apostolic church in your area and ask for a Bible study on the Holy Ghost. “If I get saved in an Apostolic church am I really saved?” If you are saved according to the plan of salvation in the Bible (repentance, baptism in the name of Jesus and the infilling of the Holy Ghost with the initial evidence of speaking in tongues) and you live according to the Bible as best as possible, yes, you are saved. This is what the Bible teaches and it is the only and final authority. If you are doubting your salvation I encourage you to speak with your pastor. “Do all Apostolics require you to wear dresses?” No. Apostolic women wear dresses because we believe it is how God wants us to dress (see questions above for verses and reasons). That said, we are not forced to dress this way and because not everyone who goes to our churches is at the same level in their walk with God as everyone else, it is likely you will see some women in a service not wearing a dress. Everyone is welcome to come regardless of how they dress. Now, once you see the verses in the Bible about distinction of apparel and modesty, it is important that you follow convictions and the Bible. Always keeping in mind, too, that the outward appearance is not primary to inward holiness. Focus on getting your heart right with God first and He will bring you convictions about holiness. “Apostolic Pentecostal Belief on Seeking God’s Will” The Bible says if we seek God we will find Him (Jeremiah 29:13). If you are seeking God’s will it is imperative that you go to Him in prayer and then be willing to listen to the ways He speaks to His people. This is oftentimes found through the Bible, preaching, and your man of God but sometimes God works in other ways too. Be open to His voice. “Why would someone not want to have Pentecostal experiences?” I don’t know. God changed my life. As I mentioned above, I have seen and experienced people getting healed (even myself), delivered from addictions and depressions, I’ve seen people filled with joy and have their lives turned around. I wouldn’t change my experience with God for the world. “Can an Apostolic woman be alone with a guy?” Yes. There are no rules or standards against this. That said, you will meet people who will have a personal conviction not to. For example: A dating couple might not be alone in a house to avoid temptation to fall into sin. They will mostly likely hang out in public places. A married man or woman might choose to not be alone with another married man or woman to avoid any appearance of sinning (1 Thessalonians 5:22). They don’t want it to look like they are being unfaithful to their spouses or raise any doubts. It also prevents false accusations. If a man does not hang out with a woman alone there is no basis for him to be accused of inappropriate behavior, for example. Or vice verse, as happened to Joseph with Potiphar’s wife. “What happened to the Apostolic Pentecostal church after the apostles?” Many people falsely believe the Apostolic church died out until the late 1800s. This is incorrect. When I was in college I spent a large amount of time studying the history of the church and many documents can be found that speak of persecutions of people who were oneness (believing in one God instead of a triune God) and people who were persecuted for speaking in tongues, baptizing in Jesus name, etc. Many of these groups were underground because of persecution, but the church never died out. There was a resurgence in the late 1800s as people began to read the word and realize that what the mainstream churches of the day were preaching wasn’t full truth. They started studying the Bible and teaching what the apostles taught. “What does God feel about you if you are not Apostolic?” He loves you as much as He loves anyone else, Apostolic or not. But, He also desires that you experience the fulness of life in Him. He wants to fill you with His spirit and see you live according to His Word. “What does the Bible say about being flashy / Why can Pentecostals wear big bows?” This is a situation on church standards and personal convictions. The Bible teaches to dress modestly and not adorn yourself with gold, pearls, or costly array. Those who wear big bows or fancy clothes do not have convictions against this because it is not jewelry and they may have not spent a lot of money on it therefore it is not costly. On the other hand, some Apostolics have personal convictions against wearing flashy clothes or big hair bows because they believe it draws too much attention. What it comes down to is that each church has it’s own set of “standards” that the pastor preaches. It is how he teaches we should follow the Word of God. Beyond that, if we have personal convictions stronger than that standard we are to follow them, but not force them upon others. As far as people who do wear costly apparel or gold or pearls or the like? Keep in mind that we are all in different places in our walk with God and it may be something they haven’t been taught yet or maybe they have and they just choose to not follow it. Don’t let one person in the church who may not follow standards affect your walk with God. “Dating Someone from the Apostolic Pentecostal Church” The Bible teaches that we should not be “unequally yoked” or rather, we should not marry people who do not share our faith. It causes a lot of problems and stresses in the marriage. Most Apostolics won’t date someone outside the faith because most date with the intent of finding someone they’d like to marry. If you are dating someone who is Apostolic and interested in learning more about it, I would encourage you to visit your boyfriend or girlfriend’s church and ask for a Bible study. “Why do Apostolic Pentecostals believe their way of salvation is the correct way?” We only teach what is in the Bible. The Bible is truth. If you’re not in an Apostolic church and/or your pastor preaches a salvation message different than what is in the Bible I would encourage to search the scriptures about salvation and get yourself into a church that preaches the whole Bible. “I’ve grown up in the Apostolic church and I guess what I would like to know is what is my faith?” I strongly encourage you to speak with your pastor. Having been raised in the church myself I know it is common for Apostolic kids to grow up living for God because it’s the only thing we’ve ever known. Somehow some of us never learned the why behind everything. Your pastor or youth leader would be great to show you where in the Bible our doctrine comes from. Everything we believe is in the Bible so if you have questions about salvation or standards ask! I don’t typically suggest searching Google because you can get a lot of mixed up answers from people not in church. If you are learning about doctrine from a source outside of your church and the Bible, make sure it is a trusted Apostolic leader otherwise you might get information that isn’t biblical. “Pentecostal Guy Invited Me to a Party” If it’s a church party go and have fun! You probably won’t find drinking, drugs, smoking, or worldly dancing there but you’ll still have fun! If it’s a worldly party with those things at it, don’t go with him. “Can older women in the Pentecostal Church date?” Yes, as long as you are not in adultery as listed in the Bible, for example Matthew 19:9 and Romans 7:2. For the best biblical guidance on this ask your pastor. If you are single and never married there are no standards against older women dating that are common to Apostolic churches. “Can a Pentecostal enter any church?” Yes, but voice of experience says it can be an uncomfortable experience and it may feel lacking. Going from a church that celebrates the Holy Ghost and God’s goodness into one that doesn’t (for example, some baptist churches preach against speaking in tongues! Which is not good because it is the initial evidence of receiving the Holy Ghost). “What do you think about the Apostolic church?” I love it and wouldn’t dream of belonging to any other church! “How to be a great Apostolic Bible teacher” Learn from your pastor. He will be your best mentor. “Things Done at Pentecostal Church” Here is a link to a “What to Expect” page for an Apostolic church. It lists what you can expect and where we find it in the Bible. “Facial hair in the Pentecostal Church” The Bible does not specifically say anything for or against facial hair for the church. Many churches preach against it because it was a symbol of rebellion during the 60s and can be a point of contention and vanity. This varies from church to church though and some pastors may have different insight into it. If you belong to a local congregation I encourage you to ask your pastor his opinion on it. “Do Pentecostals eat pork?” Yes. Unless they are vegetarian. Or don’t want to. “Is it bad if I don’t like being around Pentecostal people?” It’s more so sad. Ask yourself why. Keep in mind that one or two Pentecostals do not make up the entire faith and that if you don’t particularly enjoy the company of some Apostolics doesn’t mean you don’t like being around any of them! Seek out other friendships in the church and I guarantee you’ll find some more pleasant to be around than others, “If you’re Apostolic why can you feel God some days and not others?” Emotions tend to rule us many times. The Bible says the heart is deceitful. God will not forsake you, we know that. Sometimes the feeling can be a result of stress, depression, unrepentant sin, or just a time of testing. Many strong men and women of God in the Bible went through periods where they couldn’t feel God. Keep living for Him, praying, doing what you need to do and trust Him that you will feel Him again. Don’t be afraid to seek counsel from your pastor and strength from your brothers and sisters at the church. Have other questions? Ask them in the comments below! (Debates and non-biblical matter of fact responses will NOT be approved. This is not a debate forum.). Hi Fawn, Glad to hear you’re growing in your walk with God! I also enjoy working out and going to the gym and dressing modest has never been an issue! I buy my workout skirts from a store called Fred Meyer–it is a part of the Kroger store chain. They’re called yoga skirts and they’re like maxi skirts but A-line and come in both ankle and knee (or in my case, calf) length. I pair it with a pair of spandex workout capris–I don’t like my capris showing so I get them shorter than my skirt. If you don’t have a Kroger store in your area that sells clothing you could also try Sports Authority–before they go out of business–or even the mall. Fortunately, cotton skirts are in right now! There are also modest workout clothing websites–just google modest fitness apparel and some will come up. I then wear normal t-shirts (I prefer 3/4 sleeve or longer) or even typical workout shirts–just buy a bigger size and it’s not so tight or get a fabric that isn’t as compressing! I hope these ideas help! I have neighbors that have been heavily involved in Apostolic Pentecostal Religion for about 5 years, prior to that time they were completely non-religious. Now all the sudden they have quit speaking to me and my husband for no reason at all. Is this what they are learning in their new religion, to not even look at or wave to their neighbors? Or do that think we are heathens for not being in the same religion that they are in? We have done nothing to them at all. Makes for a very uncomfortable situation. They sure don’t treat their neighbors with any “do unto others as you would have them do unto you”. Actually they judge everyone in the neighborhood and find all of us unworthly of their standards. I do have a question, I was divorced, when I first joined my church, my ex husband committed adultery. Since then I have been baptised and I have received the Holy Ghost. I am now married to a wonderful man. My question is, this, am I forgiven for my divorce and for being remarried? I have received the Holy Ghost more than once since I married my husband, and we received the Holy Ghost at the same time when I led him to go to the altar. He is also divorced, and his ex wife was abusive to him, she would throw things at him, curse him, and basically treated him like he was the hired help, and she wanted him to wait on male guests in their home. Don’t lose hope! I met my husband at a church conference out of state that my church went to every year. God had his perfect timing, though. I had attended this conference for 8 years prior to meeting my husband, and he was there all 8 years but somehow our paths had never crossed. I would recommend going to the conferences your church advertises and get involved! I also have another friend who met her husband through Facebook as they had mutual friends and ended up talking on a thread on a friends page! Another couple I know met through their company–even though they worked in different states! God can introduce you to your wife in a time and place you never expect! I have been dating a man who is in the penecostal church. I have been a christian all of my life but have been part of different denominations, even non-denominational churches. I wear pants, jeans, and capris. I have shorter hair, just above the shoulder,basically hits my collar bone. I wear make up, I love dresses and skirts and would have no problem wearing them on Sundays, I do wear necklaces, and like jewelery. From what I have read you won’t be shunned if you do not dress the way the penecostal church teaches. I do believe that you can be convicted of certain things and choose to do things differently. I really love this man and he loves me. I do not want these things to be a problem between us. Hi Nichole, Great question! Back in the day most Pentecostal women wore a denim skirt and a t-shirt to swim in. Denim was a popular choice because the weight of the fabric would keep the skirt down in the water. Today many online companies sell modest swimwear, which is usually a skirt and top made out of swimsuit material. I have a swim skirt that I bought from Costco and swim tops are sold at many sporting goods stores now! As far as going to beaches, this varies from person to person and church to church. Some Pentecostals don’t like going to the beach because there is immodesty there with women in bikinis and men with no shirts on. Others feel that as long as it’s not super busy or you go to a more secluded area of the beach where there’s less people then it’s fine. Hey thank you for this blog, I am a back slider. I have left the church and had so many excuses. I am 20 now and I realize, there are no excuses for not to live for God. I just lost my cousin to a wreck, and it’s sad but it has made me realize how short life is. She was 18 years old and a back slider also. I know God has mercy on her soul because she had at least 15 mins before she died to pray. And I know she did because before she left church she believed with all her heart and she touched so many lives. But what I’m saying is I don’t want to be scared to go back to church. I don’t want to care what others think. I want God in my life, I want to be strong in the Word of God. I miss church so much but in my heart I believe people hate me or look down on me. I just want peace of mind and the touch of God again. Hi Wendy, I’m so sorry to hear about your cousin. It’s a very tragic thing to have to go through. I was just a few years younger than you when I went back. I was scared at first; I thought people would judge me. I thought that all of the bad things people said about the church would be true. But I told myself, ok, just go once. Stepping through that door the first time was the hardest part. When I got back in, though, my whole world changed. People weren’t judgmental; they were happy for me. I found family in that church. God delivered me from depression, loneliness, fear, and more. I really want to encourage you to take that step and go back. God desires so much for your life and if you’re willing to take that step to follow Him, He can make your life more than you ever imagined it could be. Hi Theresa, I’m so sorry to hear about your husband. First, I want to let you know that God loves you and it is NEVER too late to come back to God no matter what you’ve done. Have you ever read the book of Hosea? No matter how many times Gomer ran away and sinned, Hosea still took her back. God said that Hosea would be symbolic of Him–no matter how far we fall or how many times, He is always faithful to forgive us. I would love to help you find a local pastor who may be able to pray with your husband and baptize him. What city and state do you live in? Please realize that if you pray and get your heart right with God, that you can also pray with your husband too! It is necessary for him to be baptized though so finding a church is a priority. As soon as you get back to me I’ll try to find a local pastor. God bless you, and I’ll be praying for you and your husband. How old are you and the girl? Truthfully, if she is under 18 or living in her parents’ home their wishes must be followed. Also, most Pentecostals don’t date outside of the faith because the Bible instructs us to not be unequally yoked (not to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t believe in the full Bible). That’s not to sound rude, but the Bible is clear that if people in a relationship don’t share the same faith, problems are likely to occur. I’ve witnessed this in several people’s relationships where some people stopped living for God or had horrible marriages because they couldn’t agree on one spouse going to church or how to raise the kids. My recommendation is that the both of you not date. And if by chance you do decide you want to become Pentecostal, I would wait at least a year or two (or more) until you grow in your faith before pursuing a relationship with her. I’m 18 and have lived this way my whole life and have made mistakes but know I’ll never leave this way of life. I have two best friends that are asking the same question. “Why is Apostolic a religion the truth when other religions aren’t?” One of my friends has experienced it all and has even relieved the Holy Ghost and has been baptized, but all of a sudden my friend has stopped coming with the statement that he just isn’t sure if it’s the truth. Personally I can’t see how he could have his experiences and all the happiness we saw in him and then this Any suggestions on how to bring it across to him that will make a light bulb go off in his head?? Hi Kelsea, Following the Bible involves a lot of faith–we can’t see God so some people have a hard time believing He is real. We also don’t have God here on earth telling us how to live or speaking vocally to us, so we have to have faith that the Bible is truth. Unfortunately, we can not make someone believe it. We know that when we experience it, there’s no way it can’t be true. We know God filled us the Holy Ghost and He gives us the utterance of tongues. We know that we saw God heal people or even ourselves. I don’t know how someone who experienced it can all of a sudden stop. Perhaps they don’t fully stop believing it, but have let the philosophies of this world sway their thinking. Our world largely teaches that if science can’t prove it then it must not be true, and if we’re not careful it’s easy to give in to that thinking. I’m not sure there is a way to force your friend to believe it, but praying for them (and with them, if possible) will help more than anything else. I will keep your friend in prayer! Also, if there is anyone in your church who can talk to your friend–the pastor, youth leader, an adult or friend he was close to–that might help. Sometimes we can’t get a point across but someone else might. The KJV is one of closest to word-for-word translations that is also readable. It is better to use a translation that is word-for-word over thought-for-thought because many people’s opinions can differ on what the writer means vs what the writer actually wrote. By using a word-for-word translation, we get the actual words (translated to English or whatever your language, of course) written instead of someone’s opinion of what they think the writer meant. I have found in my own study of translations that many also delete verses that are very important or use words that shouldn’t be there (i.e. Referring to God as “they” instead of “he”) or deleting statements such as “howbeit this kind goeth not out but by prayer and fasting”. Doctrine that is black and white in the Bible gets skewed in several newer translations. Now, this all said, a majority of Apostolics will use other translations to get ideas and perspectives on passages in the Bible, but usually fall back to KJV or another word-for-word translation to get the actual words from the biblical transcripts. I am debating about dress code asI have been attending church for 3 yrs wearing skirts at church but DO NOT Wear them anywhere else.I love my church but thinking about leaving because church people see me without skirt.and my Pastor (which is a REALLY good preacher, and I really love him +his wife) really PREACH ABOUT THE DRESS CODE last SundayI really do not want to leave. My belief was that GOD loves you no matter what that and HE KNOWS that I am a new person in many ways since I started going to church.l was baptized and received THE HOLY GHOST BUT THE DRESS CODE???? PS I do not wear low cut sweaters or shorts my knees are always covered but I wear jeans and capris. I enjoyed this post! As an apostolic lady I feel like it is extremely important to understand why we have rules and standards and why we refrain from many activities. Its not hard for me to follow rules that leadership places for the congregation because I know that unless it goes contrary to the word of God than it is placed there because they care for my soul. However, over the years, I have noticed that unless people can truly understand and know why something is or isn’t pleasing to God, they will fall away from separation. Some really have to get it for themselves. Also we should always be ready to give a sound answer when asked. I pray that this blog helps many who are struggling with these questions. Its very well written! Hi, um I have actually a few questions with dating with in the church. So I am already dating someone in my church as well as, I am a pentecostal, but I will be telling my parents that I want to date the person when I turn 18 since we’ve been dating nothing bad has happened but some things have popped up like: Is drying humping considered sex in any way, shape, or form? Is makingout considered bad as well? If youre parents doesnt take the news of you dating the person, what do you do? If that significant other has been to your house, without anyone else knowing, but you didnt do anything bad (ie. Have sex) is that still considered bad, even though all you both wanted to do is hang out? Should your first kiss be on the day of your wedding? If anyone can answer these, I would really appreciate it. Thank you ?. Hi Candy Crush, I’ll answer best I can. It sounds like you’ve already been dating but haven’t told your parents yet, and plan to when you’re 18? Is that right? My first question for you is, if this is the case, why are you guys hiding the fact that you’re dating? If you feel the need to hide it, that is likely a red flag for the relationship. A godly man or woman would not expect you or even want you to hide it from your parents. Second, as far as your question about whether dry humping is considered sex. If you are technical, sexual intercourse is penetration. However, what you described is sexual activity and therefore sin if you are not married. While you are dating, you should not be touching any private parts at all. The Bible says it’s good for a man not to touch a woman, also to flee youthful lusts. Lust is clearly a sin in the Bible, and doing these things is based on lust. Third, as far as making out, that depends on what you consider making out. If you mean french kissing and having your hands all over your boyfriend/girlfriend, then yes, again I believe that is a lust issue. However, I do not believe it is a sin to kiss before marriage. My husband and I waited til our wedding day before we kissed but that was our personal choice and conviction. I know many people who shared a simple kiss before getting married. I recommend asking your parents and pastor what their feelings are on kissing prior to marriage. If your pastor preaches that you shouldn’t, you ought to obey–as the Bible instructs us to obey them with authority over us. Likewise with your parents. Fourth, if your parents don’t take news of you dating well, what to do? Again, ask yourself why you’re dating this person secretly. What about that person do your parents not like? Sometimes love and infatuation can make it hard to see flaws while others around us can see that the person in question might have questionable traits. Ask your parents why they don’t approve of this individual. And, while you are still under 18 and/or living at home you need to follow their rules. If you’re an adult living on your own, obviously you can do whatever you want, but typically,if parents, pastors, and other people in your life see red flags, it’s a bad idea. You will probably face heartbreak sometime down the road. Just based on what you’ve told me, I feel some red flags here. I think it would help to come clean with your parents and talk to your pastor about the relationship so you guys can work on a healthy relationship with his blessing. Is it wrong to be home alone if you didn’t do anything. Technically did you sin? But there’s a reason your pastor probably teaches you not to do this. It’s easy to give in to temptation, plus, if someone did see you, it is the appearance of evil, which can ruin your reputation in some people’s eyes. If you’ve been told not to be alone with them but were, you sinned by disobeying. If your parents or pastor don’t think it’s wrong and you didn’t do anything, then no, it’s not wrong. Sometimes extenuating circumstances might require it, but it is best not to. Should your first kiss be on your wedding: if either of you have a conviction to wait, then you need to wait. When my husband and I were dating, we made it a rule that we would follow whoever’s conviction was stronger in each issue. This is wise to follow when dating because it will become very important once married. Because we respected each others convictions in dating, now that we’re married we don’t argue when it comes to what we allow in our home or not because we already laid the groundwork that if one feels it’s wrong we don’t go there. Thank you for the info. I have a question, I had to shave my head because I have bald spots in the front of my head-my hair follicles have not grown back for about a year or more so I came to the conclusion that it will never grown back so I shave it myself, is the wrong of me? I felt restricted for many years and now once I shave my head I felt light. I dont plan on walking in the sanctuary bare headed cause as a Child of God Apostolic Pentecostal it is not right for woman to pray with their head uncovered. Hi Camille, I’m sorry to hear about the problems you’re having with your hair! I know that hair can sometimes be a huge self-esteem issue and that it can be hard. Hang in there and know that you are beautiful no matter what! To answer your question, I would strongly recommend talking to your pastor. The Bible instructs women to not cut or trim their hair, however, in some circumstances it is necessary–for example if a woman is in a horrible car accident and is rushed to the ER with a head wound, they may need to cut back her hair to access the wound. I believe that God realizes in moments of necessity that it is not an action of rebellion. Because I am not familiar with your particular circumstance and I definitely don’t know all the answers, I would encourage you to discuss your condition with the spiritual leadership in your life. Your pastor or his wife might have insight for you. I’ll be praying for you! Hi Hayley, I’m glad to hear that you’re in church and studying the Bible and holiness! While you will not find a verse that flat out says “makeup is a sin” you can find numerous verses where God does not look favorably on women painting their faces. Jeremiah 4:30 calls it vanity, and if you search examples in the Bible of women who wore it, it was the wicked women who did so. I Timothy 2:9 also says we should be be adorned with “shamefacedness”. This doesn’t mean she should look unkemptit means we should look holy. Let me ask you, why do you want to wear makeup? Is it to hide flaws? To look pretty? Typically girls wear makeup because they want to look better. Most would agree that this is an issue with vanity, which the Bible says is sin. While the Bible is black and white on many issues, on things like this where we can say, “well, it doesn’t say we can’t” we have to look at other scriptures to see if it is honoring to God. Some pastors do not preach against makeup and if yours is one of them you might be ok to wear it–that said, the Bible also says if you know to do good but don’t it is a sin to you–if you feel convicted about it and see that the Bible isn’t supportive of it, it is better to follow your conviction. Can I give a personal example? I don’t wear skirts with splits in them. I don’t have any scripture for that. My church doesn’t preach against them, and some women in my church wear them. I just don’t feel right. When I was still at my home church (which also didn’t preach against them) I asked why would I feel wrong about doing it if I don’t have anything concrete that says it is wrong? My dad used to have a saying that went, “When in doubt, do without.” He explained that sometimes God gives us convictions that He might not give other people, and that if you’re doubting whether or not you should wear it, you probably shouldn’t. That has always been my modesty test. If I have to question it, I’m not going to wear it. So I stopped wearing skirts with splits. I didn’t tell anybody because it wasn’t preached as wrong in my church so it wasn’t my place to cause contention–I just did what I felt was right. If you are questioning whether wearing makeup is right or wrong, that principle is a great one to follow. If you’re doubting whether it is okay or not, perhaps God is convicting you. It is definitely something to pray about! Hi Branden, if you read Acts 10 you will see that God does not put these dietary restrictions on the New Testament church (which also includes us!). While the Jews were not permitted to eat Pork, God gave Peter a vision in which all the animals came down on a sheet-like vessel and He told Peter to eat of them. Peter argued back, “I’ve never eaten unclean animals!” God responded that what He has cleansed let not man call unclean. There are spiritual connections to this portion of scripture as well, but to simply answer your question, yes, you may eat pork. I’ve read some of your posts and it’s really explained things to me. I am a Catholic who is dating an Apostolic boy. I am madly in love with him but the religious differences is causing some tension with us. He wants me to become Apostolic. I have thought about it and am greatly considering it but I’m not sure where to start. I’ve been to his church with him a few times. But how does a person become Apostolic? What things do they need to do to be excepted within the church? And what lifestyles changes do they need to take? Hi Emily, I’m glad you’re learning more about the Apostolic faith! There’s not really a “thing” you have to do to become Apostolic. There aren’t any required classes, public professions, or anything like that. When someone comes to an Apostolic church and says they want to be a part of it and live for God, we consider you Apostolic. I recommend you ask your boyfriend if he can ask his pastor about doing a Bible study with you. If not the pastor anyone in the church you feel comfortable with can do it with you too. What they will likely do is take you through parts of the Bible that explain the nature of God, what He said you must do to be saved (repentance, being baptized in the name of Jesus, and receiving the Holy Ghost) firstly, and then as you grow in your walk with God can do further Bible studies about growing with Him. As far as lifestyle, the Bible is clear that we should clean up the inside and then the outward will follow. Given that you’re Catholic I’m going to assume you’re already familiar with many aspects of Christian living. I recommend focusing on learning as much as you can about what the Bible says about salvation and holiness, and why you see people live the way they do in the Apostolic church. When you feel convicted about making changes follow God on those–and if you have questons about things don’t hesitate to ask others in the church. They’ll be able to help you see where things are found in the Bible (that you might have never even heard of before!). Sometimes people feel like they need to change how they look right away. Apostolic churches preach holiness and what the Bible says about outward appearance, but don’t let how some people look intimidate you. A lot of Pentecostal girls have never cut their hair and so might have big hair or know how to do fancy styles with it–this is not a requirement, just some thing you might see, so don’t stress if you don’t look that way. The same with clothes. A lot of people wear their Sunday best to church but if people at your current church don’t dress up like that, you might not have clothes like everyone else. Apostolic churches don’t have dress codes despite popular belief and you’ll be welcomed however you come. Just go and enjoy the service and worship and the rest will come! I’ll definitely pray for you as you take this step! Definitely see if you can meet with the pastor or his wife to learn more and get involved with the church and if you have other questions too feel free to contact me. If you leave another comment with your contact info I’ll get in touch with you–don’t worry, all comments must be moderated through me so I can get the info without it ever being posted. I am so thankful to have come across this post! I was not raised in church, my parents are not believers, and I started attending a non-denominational church when I was 16. I knew that I had a yearning in my heart for something more, that I wanted to live for God, but after a few years I was just so unsatisfied. I knew there was something missing. I was unable to find a church that I felt was the right way so I stopped going altogether and unfortunately fell back into some habits I wasn’t proud of. I just got back in contact with a family member I had lost contact with for about 4 years. She invited me to come too church with her so I went this past Sunday evening. I have no words to describe what I felt, other than to say it felt like coming home. I’m trying to learn as much as possible to be sure this is right for me. I just have so many questions and wasn’t even sure where to begin. So thank you very much! |
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February 2018
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